Am I a user

[Heathrug]

So I recently went through something where I asked for support from my sisters. They allowed me to talk to them about my feelings, process things and were there for me lots. I was close to breaking point and was in the middle of separating from my partner. It was extremely stressful and upsetting.

Over the course of a week me and partner had a long conversation and decided to give it another try. He agreed to go to a councillor and is now on antidepressants. I’m happier as I see a future where we could both me happy.

I went feom texting my sisters a lot about things to our normal texts maybe 2-3 a day. One time I replied to one sister with “I can’t sorry xx” when she asked me to go somewhere. I was in the middle of putting my daughter to bed and it was difficult to text but wanted to let her know I couldn’t go.

She has now gotten very angry and said after all the support she’s given me (which she has and which I have appreciated) I have dropped her. I explained that I haven’t, I’m just trying to get my life back on track, I work 40 works with 2 small kids it’s difficult. Her reply was that I worked 40 hours with 2 small kids when I needed her support.

I feel hurt as I thought the support was unconditional and have genuinely not purposely tried to be short with her. On the other hand i think maybe I am wrong and I should have kept my issues to myself to avoid this.

I you're not a user you just needed her support more when you needed it but you can't be expected to go to her at a moment's notice yanbu, perhaps your reply seemed a bit short to her but I would get in touch, sort things out.

It’s exhausting supporting someone in a shit relationship, especially when they split up and then go back. Maybe she’s upset she invested so much in supporting you and your life would improve without him and she’s quietly despairing you’ve gone back.

Unconditional support isn’t really a thing, even parents struggle to do that with their children so expecting it from your sister, who clearly stepped up for you when you needed a lot, and must have her own life to think about.

She’s right about the amount of time you had being the same now as well. You had plenty of time to be miserable but now you’re back together and things are looking up you’re not that bothered by her.

I don’t think your motivation is bad and I can see your side but I can also see hers. I’ve had friends who were only in touch for sympathy and propping up during the bad times but never bothered when they were happy and weren’t in touch enough to even know about my crappy times.

She’s hurt so I’d have a think about whether your expectations are fair and reasonable.

I think you should get in touch with her & make some time to spend with her. Have an honest conversation with her about things & tell her you appreciate all the support & want to be there for her if she needs you. If you feel otherwise, then you are a bit of a user