Ive been married for 10 years. We have 3DC. From the beginning of our marriage we've had difficulties. Id say the biggest problem is communication and his lack of empathy. Im sure he feels i do things wrong but there have been many problems over the years which had ended in him ignoring me or saying he fears for our children if we break up. It feels like we are just together for our children although we do get on alot of the time we regularly have disagreements/arguments. I feel trapped as ive built this life over the past 10 years and worry what will happen to me and the kids if we split. I am a sahm with no career but I do own the property we live in. Im worried about the practicalities of single life with kids and will i be worse off due to the kids being unhappy. Hes a very hands on dad. If we split he may have to leave the country. I feel guilty to initiate those circumstances on our family. Anyway moving on... one big memory of us arguing was our last holiday abroad. We arrived very late at night at the hotel say 3am. The receptionists were young guys in their 20s. Quite unprofessional and acted a bit odd when we checked in. Anyway i ignored it then went to take our bags to the room with dh and the porter after a few minutes dh started shouting one of the receptionists as apparently they had been laughing at me. He was very het up and made a big fuss to the porter as well. I was really embarassed and thought dh's reaction was way over the top and unecessary. Even if he was laughing at me- so what? I didnt even notice and it was not important at that time. We had 2 kids with us who were asleep and i was 6 months pregnant at the time. I felt so upset by the time we got to our hotel room. I was in tears and told dh his reaction was wrong. Dh said i should be happy he was protecting me. I remember lying on the carpet crying- probably exhaustion but i just felt so unsafe too. Being pregnant i felt vulnerable and didnt want him shouting. As a child my dad was an extremely gentle person so the shouting is really alien to me. Dh didnt understand at all and just ignored me despite the fact i was crying. The rest of the holiday was ok but there was tension between us.
When weve travelled other places I've noticed we often clash and almost seem at breaking point. Surely holidays are meant to be the time when you are most happy and enjoying each others company and if we arent happy then what is the point of us being together? Recently we have had another week where weve fallen out. Im again at the point where i dont know what to do. Im not happy but it seems like we need to just get on with a series of jobs related to the house and children and we just do that together but with no resolutions for our relationship. Do i just accept this is how it is for us and this is preferable than divorce? We are planning on going on holiday in the summer in the UK and i had this idea today that this could be our "make or break" holiday. Ie if this holiday doesn't go well we actually need to split up?