Can’t accept it’s over

[Soitbegins031]

This may sound ridiculous and I’m aware it was no time at all, but we were speaking non stop for a month and I really fell for him. He said he was getting feelings for me and I opened up and let myself like him back. I had reservations at first because I was scared of being hurt but he’s a lovely guy and he’s a good friend of my cousin so I trust him in general. He has suddenly ghosted me with no explanation and I’m devastated. We met up every other day in the last 2 weeks and got on so well in person, I really thought it would work out with him. He made me believe he liked me. I get attached to people very quickly (childhood trauma) and we spoke about becoming serious over time. (All lead by him not me). He reads my texts but doesn’t reply. I won’t make myself look any more silly than I already have by begging him or questioning him. I just need some advice how to accept it’s finished and move on. I miss his constant texts and good morning messages I woke up to daily, now I just feel empty. It feels like he’s died which is silly as I know it’s impossible to truly know someone in a month. My cousin doesn’t want to get involved. He is always online so I know there isn’t a problem, he is ignoring me deliberately. Can anyone give kind words of how to move on from this please? I can’t just snap out of it as I have attachment issues unfortunately. Ty

Sounds like he 'love bombed' you. And also was 'future faking'. Healthy people do not do that. Narcissists (npd) and similar manipulative sorts do. The fact that you have trauma from your last was probably something he sensed. Like a shark does blood in the water.

He may just have vanished as he got the ego stroke he needed but I suspect this may be a test. He may reappear with a shitty excuse in a little while. Waiting to see if you will just excuse this behaviour. If you do, he will know you are easily manipulated.

Block him on everything and read up on how to spot emotionally abusive sorts. With regards to your past, you might be wise to get some counciling ect...before dating anyone. But either way, you need to be extra vigalent not to trust people so easily.

Thank you, you speak a lot of sense. I am having counselling but I think I will struggle with not allowing myself to attach to people as I haven’t got any family anymore so when someone gives me time and attention it means the world. I won’t be picked up and used at the drop of a hat, I may be naive but I won’t let myself get hurt over and over by the same person. I need a distraction to stop me checking if he’s text me but even at work I find myself looking non stop.

Could you try making friends instead? Bumble is an app that does girl friendships too for example. Not that some girls cant be users too of course but generally speaking it might be better to focus on friendships right now.

Some tips that worked for me:

Make a list of all the crappy things he's done. Like it's shitty to ghost- what a horrible thing to do to another human being. He's not someone you'd want to trust or get close to but I get how much you feel like you want to hear from him but your future self will be glad he removed himself. And also be glad things didn't go further. This would feel a lot worse if you were pregnant/married/just had a baby

Find something to consume your time - I use scrabble online but maybe something like candy crush. Doesn't need brain power but will while away some time in the early days.

Try not to look at his social media etc as this will take longer to recover from him. Even if you just take an hour at a time. I see it as self harming as no good comes from social media stalking

Know that these feelings are only feelings and this too shall pass

Think of your exes and how cut up you were about them when stuff ended. When I remember how upset I was about exes compared with how repulsive I find them now (they didn't treat me well) it does help put into perspective that I will most likely in time feel that i dodged a bullet.

Try and do self care stuff and treat yourself like you are worthy of love. See if there are any good books you can read to help you with the stuff you are having counselling for.

That's why you need to block him, so you are never tempted to check stuff, it really is the best way, so do it.

I’d be fucking annoyed and ask him how he could do that. I couldn’t let someone get away with that behaviour.

@Umberellatheweatha

Sounds like he 'love bombed' you. And also was 'future faking'. Healthy people do not do that. Narcissists (npd) and similar manipulative sorts do. The fact that you have trauma from your last was probably something he sensed. Like a shark does blood in the water.

He may just have vanished as he got the ego stroke he needed but I suspect this may be a test. He may reappear with a shitty excuse in a little while. Waiting to see if you will just excuse this behaviour. If you do, he will know you are easily manipulated.

Block him on everything and read up on how to spot emotionally abusive sorts. With regards to your past, you might be wise to get some counciling ect...before dating anyone. But either way, you need to be extra vigalent not to trust people so easily.

Brilliant advice.