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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Have any serious relationships ever started like this?

22 replies

Sandra15 · 28/05/2021 00:41

This is copied from another thread I've been on and it gave me food for thought.

Q: Women have sexual appetites too, don’t we?
A: Yes indeed. In my case for men that I am both committed to and fancy and in a reciprocal relationship with. Not with immature wankfoxes who send pictures of their willy and arse and don't engage in proper conversation.

Has anyone ever started an on line dating relationship with a guy that sends this sort of stuff before even dating, and gone on to have a proper relationship with proper feelings? I bet it is as rare as baby unicorns, but I'm interested to know.

My own attitude is that in bold above (I'm well aware that not everyone shares it). I had a barrage of sexual messages last summer when I began chatting on line with a bloke through a work situation. It was not dating, no dating platform or app or anything like that but started as a professional connection. He then took it to "I can't stop thinking about you, I really like you, I want to be with you" and then quickly turned to hearing about his throbbing member being like a tuning fork and what he wanted to do with his love wand and get in my knickers.

First time this ever happened to me and I've never done OLD. And I won't, either. Being naive to these ways, I tried to turn the conversation round to normality which worked for a bit but there was the odd "would love to see you naked" "Send pics" and pictures of himself in Speedos. He stood me up and ghosted me as well.

But I'm curious - has anything that started like this ever developed into something respectful and real?

Any good examples?

OP posts:

Palavah · 28/05/2021 04:40

Not in my own experience nor in that of my female friends. Between us we've got 70 years of dating experience.

Guavafish · 28/05/2021 04:56

No. Sounds like he just after a shag or sexting.

Bluey18 · 28/05/2021 05:06

I did online dating and experienced a fair bit of this, it was always the end of the conversation for me if they continued after I told them i was not interested, massive turnoff. I mean, why put up with that crap on the off-chance they might change into someone who respects my boundaries and what I'm comfortable with? Far more likely they are looking for something no strings and will be gone when they get it. Which has never appealed to me. I met DP through online dating, he was always very respectful. We are still together, expecting another baby soon. I might not have met him if I'd wasted my time trying to find some common ground with, let alone attraction for, the idiots obsessed with their dicks 🤣

joystir59 · 28/05/2021 05:07

@Sandra15
Are you involved in a relationship with someone who does this sexting dick pic stuff or do you do this stuff yourself OP?

BinocularVision · 28/05/2021 05:14

OP, I have a sexual appetite. What I don’t have is the disrespect, self-delusion and lack of professionalism to think that a professional connection of mine wants unsought photos of my genitalia.

ShinyBlackBoots · 28/05/2021 06:51

Short answer is no.

Doodledeedum · 28/05/2021 06:56

In my experience this kind of interact is just wanting nudes and a F*. He wants nothing more. Sorry.

Original poster

Sandra15 · 28/05/2021 08:29

@joystir59 Are you involved in a relationship with someone who does this sexting dick pic stuff or do you do this stuff yourself OP?

OP posts:

Original poster

Sandra15 · 28/05/2021 08:31

Oh yes and just to confirm I'm not looking for a happy ending with this guy. That wasn't the purpose of my post. I'm well aware he's a clown 😂

OP posts:

hotclothbuns · 28/05/2021 08:32

Run as fast as you can. Don't bother with trying to turn the conversation around, he sounds insufferable.

Flowerclock · 28/05/2021 08:34

I started dating before the days of mobile phones with cameras and have been married since then. So not much experience with OLD etc.

But I don't know any woman who has done anything with a dick pick, other than show it to all of her friends and laugh before blocking the idiot.

Original poster

Sandra15 · 28/05/2021 08:49

@hotclothbuns

Run as fast as you can. Don't bother with trying to turn the conversation around, he sounds insufferable.

I did, I ran away in December last year! I'm not seeking advice for myself, I am curious as I read another post like this last night.

OP posts:

MinorCharacter · 28/05/2021 09:28

[quote Sandra15]**@joystir59 Are you involved in a relationship with someone who does this sexting dick pic stuff or do you do this stuff yourself OP?

Neither.I loathe and detest it. My question is out of curiosity as it happened to me when I wasn't even online dating or looking for a bloke. Since then I've read some terrible tales on here and I wondered if any progressed to a happy ending![/quote]
But would it be in anyway a ‘happy ending’ if someone ended up married to a clown who’d sent her pictures of his dick?

Yellowhighheels · 28/05/2021 09:30

I don't think a relationship or even sex is the outcome men are looking for when doing this. I think it is more the same prurient urge that flashers have, only through a medium that is safer and more acceptable for them in terms of it not being illegal. Note you agreed to meet this man and he stood you up.

Thinkaboutthings · 28/05/2021 09:32

Good question and no, I don’t think any relationships start this way.

myrtlehuckingfuge · 28/05/2021 09:40

I am with yellowhighheels it is nothing more than the tech enabled equivalent of a flasher. I don't see anyone walking over to the guy in the mac behind the skip knocking one out and asking them whether they fancy a coffee or something stronger.

Gallowayan · 28/05/2021 10:13

Yellowhighheels has nailed it there. Why has virtual flashing become accepted though?

BillMasen · 28/05/2021 10:47

I’m not sure it is flashing. Never sent any myself, but I wonder if it’s because men are (generally) more visual and (generally I think) like and appreciate intimate pictures.

The less aware ones simply think “I’d like to receive something like this so surely they must like it too”

Wrong and grim, but that might be the thought process

Moltenpink · 28/05/2021 10:50

I have to admit, I do know one friend who went from a snog on a night out, to sexting, to a long distance relationship, to marriage & kids. It was against all the odds though, and she was as surprised as anyone!

Original poster

Sandra15 · 28/05/2021 10:52

@Yellowhighheels

Yes, I did, this was after the stupid comments had stopped and gone to general chit chat. We also have a mutual Facebook friend (who we both know in real life) so I thought he was just being a bit cheeky and had stopped. (I've now learned lots more from Mumsnet)! I guess he stood me up because a) I was boring to him as I wouldn't engage in sex chat or b) he is a total coward.

And I totally agree with your flasher comments. These blokes may not have even had the bottle (if that's the right word) to flash back in the pre-social media days. But now it's all laid on for them and enabled.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sandra15 · 28/05/2021 10:53

@MinorCharacter

"But would it be in anyway a ‘happy ending’ if someone ended up married to a clown who’d sent her pictures of his dick?"

This is the answer right here!

OP posts:

interest12 · 28/05/2021 17:09

A friend met a guy on tinder, got the dick pics, she moved in with him super quick and eloped soon after. Now they’ve got kids and seem fine. I think it was a case of him being a bit socially inept

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