Please help, I am so scared - DH talking abut suicide

[lilylilyrose]

I don't post much here, just read, but I really need some words of advice if there are any to spare out there.

I have been with my DH for about 8 years. Every winter he gets terribly depressed, but it is so hard to get him to do anything about it, ie doctor, ADs, counselling. He says that nothing would help so what is the point.

This year is different at we have a baby boy who is 14 weeks old. I have been struggling a bit (possibly PND but not seen GP yet) and I think I've been taking it out on him a bit. I do try and say sorry when I know I've been hard to live with, but now I think it's gone too far.

He sent me a text from work today, with some lines from a poem, and it said 'this would be good text for a suicide note'. I panicked and rang him but he could not answer as he was on the shop floor (works in retail).

He rang me on his lunch break and it was horrible; the conversation was just these huge chunks of silence with me saying "please talk to me". I feel sick. He says he thinks about kiling himself every day, and just wants to be at peace, at complete rest.

I am frantic. My baby is in his cot and I am going mad waiting for 5:30pm when he will be home and he has promised we can talk about it.

What can I do? What can I say? I am so scared. Thankyou for reading

I have no idea what to say. He needs to see someone, talk to them, but I appreciate that it is easier said than done.

I just wanted you to know you aren't alone

Can you call someone like the Samritans ? Do they give advice to the relatives/loved ones of people suffering with suicidal thoughts ?

Message withdrawn

This is a recognised illness, SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is treatable. Your DH can be helped - you need to convince him that there is something that can be done and make him promise to try it.

when my mum was depressed an suicidal her psychiatrist gave her a rule of thumb that if she was so depressed that she couldn't leave the house for more than 3 days she should see a doctor asap and if her suicidal thoughts moved to planning the practicality of what to do to see a doctor asap.

She had fantastic counselling and has never been as bad since so there is hope for you both. Does your DH have SAD? Just wondered becuase his depression seems seasonal - have you tried a SAD light?

Thankyou for your replies. I am hoping that the text message was his way of telling me how bad things are, and we can have a proper talk later. It is just very hard when the baby doesn't go to sleep til 9pm and we are both knackered...

He says that it's not caused by anything in particular - I said this might be a good sign in a way, as maybe antidepressants will help in the short term? He tried them once about 3 years ago after an episode of horrible depression, but it is so difficult to convince him that the doctor will help...when he was a teenager, he saw a GP who basically called him a miserable so and so, and to just get over it I think this has really affected his trust of medicines for helping with depression.

The other day he asked me how I would feel if I was diagnosed with a mental illness. I wish he would tell me what is going on before it gets to this point.

my mum saw an awful counsellor before her excellent one - it does knock you back. Try to get him to see a doctor you like - if possible go to the Dr before hand and explain how serous it is.

We have got a SAD light but not sure it does much for him. I am going to presuade him to ring in sick to work tomorrow, see the GP and get signed off for a few days to sort himself out a bit. We were supposed to be going away to see my family next weekend but am wondering if it might be best to cancel it

I think you need to go to the GP yourself and also try and get your DH to come as a double appointment. It sounds so desperate and I am very sorry for you all.

Congratulations on the baby.

Call your GP today and get the emergency out of hours doctor to come round when your dh is home. If he is really depressed he may well have lost the initiative to seek out help for himself. And before you ask, yes, talking about suicide IS and emergency situation.

I'm so sorry. What a lot you have on your plate!

The Samaritans have an email service if he is finding it hard to talk. If you can't persuade him to go the GP, I agree it would be useful for you to go on your own at first and talk to them (sounds like you need to offload too).

I think being faced (in his past) with an unsympathetic doctor can put you off getting help ENORMOUSLY. I wonder whether it would be possible for you to get the doctor to call him at home? Perhaps hearing that the doctor was friendly and willing to listen might make him more likely to go into the surgery and talk to them iyswim.

It is worth getting the emergency GP I agree, but try not to worry on the other hand. Just wanted to add to what others have said, the fact that he has been thinking about it a lot and not done it is positive, as he could have just done it and not told you how he was feeling.

I have a friend who is bipolar and she often feels suicidal and has done over the past 20 years but she has never actually carried it out.

Hope you manage to get him the help he needs. I have another friend who takes prozac each winter, says it really helps. She just starts taking them around September time and stops again in spring time.

Please try not to think it is you who has made him feel this way. Depression can be a reaction to circumstances but with him it sounds like it is clinical. Having a young baby is a really hard time for you, so take care of yourself too.

Hiya Lillylily

Just wanted to post out of sympathy. My Sh aslo ahs recurrent depression, right now he's on prozac and after lots of side effects is doing OK (he goes back to work in 90 minutes...). he aslo ahs had a few suicide warnings and oje suicide attempt a few eyars ago. The attempt was frtuantely prevented by the car stalling (thank god!0, the warnings were actualyl scarier- at one point we ahd the Police looking as he telephoned and said bye then hung up on the phone from a service station.

So.... what i want to say is, it's not inevitable he'll do domething bad so son't think it is. use this as a warning to get emergency help- Dh got sacked after the warnintg and although we had to sell our home, I believe those 6 months off saved his life. get yourself support too- from Mind, or whatever there is locally- your GP surgery should have details.

if you ever need to contact me for a chat, please feel free as I know how scary this all can be- my e-mail is [email protected]. Feel free to search on my name and depression if you want to check i'm no faker.

Good luck, and I hope this woprks out nd turns into a new fresh start- seems odd, but it can.

Just read this, how did it go?

Well, he came home early and we had a talk. I think that in itself has cleared the air a bit - he seems a bit more willing to talk to me.

My main worry is that he doesn't seem to like our son very much Last night he came in from work, went upstairs, came down, fed & made fuss of the cat, went outside for a bit and eventually, after being home for 45 minutes, said hello to DS. This is his son, a 15-week-old baby, and he is ignoring him I don't want to say anything in case I upset him even more, but it is horrid to watch my little boy lok at his dad, waiting for a response

As for me - I've got a doctor's appt next week, and my HV has arranged for some counselling as it looks like I have PND.

Hi lily - how upsetting for you! If he is depressed tho it wuold make sense not to be 'involved' with your ds, in fact not with anyone. I hope your appointmnts with dr are helpful - just rememebr to really push for help! Sqeaky wheel and all that.
let us know how it goes?

Hi Lily
Just saw your message, good to hear that you had a chat last night, I just was thinking, My Dh got a bout of PND after each of the boys were born, it was such a build up - then the reality and responsibility of parenting really got to him... If he suffers at this time of year anyway it could be compounded by the responsibility of becoming a new dad.

It really worried me first time round but I was ready for it with DS2 it was much worse than first time round - he cried alot - we cried alot but at least he was talking to me.

I don't know him but it is possible that if he is depressed anyway that he can get his head round the responsibility of the baby as well.

{hugs} hope things get better soon, and I would say also that the samaritans will always listen and help as much as they can.

(((lily))) xxxxxxx

felt i had to post as i was in the same situation 5 years ago when ds2 was a baby, my dp actually went out and bought a rope, he planned to hang himself and i had an awful night sat bfeeding a baby whilst giving statements to the police who were out looking for him

it was awful but we did work through it, he got counselling through the gp, also tried various anti depressents but never found one that worked or didnt have horrible side effects.

you can and will work through this, it is good that he is talking to you, but do look after yourself as well, i also had mild pnd and was lucky to get a fanstatic counsellor who i saw weekly for a number of months. It really helped me to have somewhere that i could go and unload, i found it hard/impossible to talk to dp as i was terrified of upsetting him or making his depression worse.

please do go to the gp with him, i had to do this the first few tiems with dp and then he went no his own.

take care xxxxxxx