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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My Brothers Relationship

35 replies

Pollypocket89 · 27/05/2021 22:12

Before I get told I'm too invested, I just need a sounding board and to show him this thread from outsiders

My brother is nearly 25 and has been with his girlfriend since they were 17. She has a chaotic home life so pushed to buy a house and he went along with it. He cheated on her by kissing someone else about 5 years ago and things are very up and down. They barely spent that much time together during lockdown. He says he loves her but I don't think he really does...

He's confided in me he met a woman at work and he's been having, my words, a relationship with her for 6 months. He says started as friends on both parts, she's wonderful, so much in common, beautiful and supportive of him in a way he can be honest about (some mh struggles and GF never been supportive or he's not been comfortable enough to tell her). They've not sleot together but they talk every day 24/7. He moved into house with GF about a month ago and he doesn't seem happy. I think he loves her but in a familiar kind of way...

To me, if you have feelings for someone else like that, you aren't in the right relationship?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 27/05/2021 23:11

This was obviously a mistake so I'll leave the thread there... Thank you to pp who responded nicely

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 27/05/2021 23:11

@Pollypocket89

I always find it nasty when people do that... I'm trying to move on with my own marriage and my family is a mess... Thanks for the reminder! This is a sounding board for me and its been a live safer at times with tremendous support and help from pp

If you don't like my thread, please move on and don't post. No one is forcing you and I found that upsetting

Sorry I upset you, it's just that people post in good faith and it seemed like a very big coincidence to the point I remembered your username as it always seems to be the same topic about different people. If they're all different people and it's just a coincidence then I apologise Thanks
Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 27/05/2021 23:12

I pressed enter too soon

Please remember it's a real person at the end of your accusatory posts and daft emoji reactions

It's not necessary and hurts a real person at the other end of a screen

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 27/05/2021 23:14

@Pollypocket89

I pressed enter too soon

Please remember it's a real person at the end of your accusatory posts and daft emoji reactions

It's not necessary and hurts a real person at the other end of a screen

Apologies if I was wrong OP, genuinely I wouldn't want to upset someone posting in good faith. Sorry Thanks
wisteria90 · 27/05/2021 23:15

@Pollypocket89

I pressed enter too soon

Please remember it's a real person at the end of your accusatory posts and daft emoji reactions

It's not necessary and hurts a real person at the other end of a screen

I'm genuinely really sorry if my response upset you @Pollypocket89 I tried to keep it as empathetic as possible, whilst giving my honest opinion.

Please don't be too upset. As a gentle reminder, your brother's girlfriend is a person too with feelings and my post was just trying to remind you to consider them.

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 27/05/2021 23:16

Please be mindful of what I said in my last post. Pp were so helpful to me so I wanted that for him... I see that was a mistake so I'll leave it there

OP posts:
Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 27/05/2021 23:18

Yours didn't, wisteria. She absolutely deserves better than to be lied to and not have the full truth to make her own decisions regardless of my opinion on how she treats him. That's not even in question, don't worry

OP posts:
wisteria90 · 27/05/2021 23:23

@Pollypocket89

Yours didn't, wisteria. She absolutely deserves better than to be lied to and not have the full truth to make her own decisions regardless of my opinion on how she treats him. That's not even in question, don't worry
Ok fab :-) Thanks genuinely really hope you're ok. If it's any conciliation you sound like a really amazing sister who clearly loves their brother and want what's best for them. He's really lucky to have you.

Hopefully they'll both see the light once they're both ready to.

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 27/05/2021 23:24

Thank you... Its just really hard watching 2 young people stay in a situation that isn't good for either of them. I know I can't do anything about it but it does make me sad for both!

OP posts:
sunnyblackwidow · 28/05/2021 13:27

Your little brother needs to strive to be a better man.

He is misleading his GF, has fallen into the trap of being together so long and just letting things carry on because it's what he's always done. But essentially he's making promises to her that he can't keep. He needs to man up and leave her. He is treating her with disrespect and unkindness.

Starting a new relationship with lies, cheating and deceit is not good, mature or healthy. I'd question the integrity of a woman who was willing to carry on with him while he's still in a relationship. She may be amazing, but he's not treating her with respect or kindness either.

Your brother sounds weak and really, he needs to be a better human.

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