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Original poster

What do you think?

26 replies

cupofcoffee19 · 27/05/2021 14:20

Hi all,
I'd just like to hear thoughts on this.

My partner and I have a 1 year old together. Now that lockdowns easing he wants a night with the boys, and the guy whose house they're all going to lives about an hour away.

Partner said he was planning on staying the night at his. Said his wife doesn't mind (they have kids too).

Am I being unreasonable because I'm bothered about this and don't want him staying the night away?

Partner doesn't have a car right now, and likely won't be able to get a lift back due to them drinking

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/05/2021 14:21

Why don’t you want him staying away overnight? What’s the problem?

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/05/2021 14:25

As long as you’re also able to have the opportunity for a night out (or away) with your friends in equal proportion to his, I wouldn’t have a problem.

If you don’t want him staying at a friend’s overnight because you think he’s going to cheat / he’s using it as a cover to go and sleep with another woman then you either have far far bigger problems in your relationship; or in your mental health.

Iamblossom · 27/05/2021 14:27

Yes you are definitely being unreasonable unless there is an underlying reason you don't want him to stay away which you haven't told us. Such as trust issues for example. But if it's "just cos" then yes, weird clingy behaviour. He should also have no issue with you staying out overnight if you want to while he looks after your son.

Mylittlepony374 · 27/05/2021 14:28

YABU. Why shouldn't he have a night away? I actually prefer my husband stays away while drinking. Avoids me being woken when he comes in or having the room smell that horrible man alcohol sweat mix that comes after a session.

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/05/2021 14:30

Also - the healthiest and most solid relationships are ones where, within the constraints of the ages of your children / stage of life you’re at, each partner is able to spend some time away from the other to see their friends, do their hobbies, and indulge their own interests. It’s important that you each support the other to do that, otherwise resentment builds up and your life becomes a flatmates doing childcare arrangement.

Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 27/05/2021 14:30

YABU unless there is something you're not telling us like he won't allow you out of the house and he's an inveterate liar!

ChunkyButFunky87 · 27/05/2021 14:33

Before Covid my husband and I actively had maybe 2 nights each a year - he'd have golf/drinking and I'd have a spa/chill or something. I value that time just as much as he does away from parenting and just chance to 'do you'.

If you're feeling like this after a year, I'd be saying walk away. It will only turn to resentment if he feels you're trying to control what he can and can't do

Candyfloss99 · 27/05/2021 14:33

Yes your relationship sounds very unhealthy if he can't stay at a friend's for one night.

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2021 14:40

Is there something you’ve forgotten to mention? Why would he possibly not be allowed to go and stay at his mates for one night?

fedup2021 · 27/05/2021 14:41

I don't see anything wrong with this.

Me and my partner currently have a 6 month old and this whole weekend he going to the other end of the country with his friends to catch up etc

I have no issues with this, he deserves as much of a break as I do.

You mentioning the lack of car makes it seem you don't want him going at all which seems a bit demanding

anunexaminedlife · 27/05/2021 14:43

What's the problem?

Cas112 · 27/05/2021 15:07

Is he not allowed a life OP?

Bluntness100 · 27/05/2021 15:11

I think you need to explain the issue op. Most folks stop having to ask permission to stay with their mate ps by the time they hit about 17.

Are you struggling with your child? Do you worry he will cheat? What’s wrong that you don’t want to allow him out?

Shoxfordian · 27/05/2021 15:18

What’s the issue with him staying at his friends house?

OldEvilOwl · 27/05/2021 15:30

Unless there is some massive backstory to this then yes YABVU. What exactly is the problem?

Tk5787338 · 27/05/2021 15:32

Why not? What’s worrying you about it? I’d understand with a tiny baby but your DC is one. I’ve done this before and I actually prefer for DH to do this than come home and make noise after drinking

interest12 · 27/05/2021 15:33

Bit hard for us to answer if you don’t give your reasons for not wanting him to stay

Bananalanacake · 27/05/2021 15:34

Is it because of the covid risk, I can understand that.

AryaStarkWolf · 27/05/2021 16:11

I don't see the issue either OP, I think YABU unless there's some specific drip feed reason why you don't want him to?

Justcallmebebes · 27/05/2021 16:20

I wish my other half would bugger off for a night!

ShinyBlackBoots · 27/05/2021 19:53

Yeah I agree with pp. What is the problem with him stopping away overnight?

chickenyhead · 27/05/2021 19:56

There are obviously reasons for your hesitation. What are they?

Aprilwasverywet · 27/05/2021 19:59

Bed to yourself? Sounds like bliss...
Oh and the TV and snacks!!
Grin
Wish dh had such a friend!!

litterbird · 27/05/2021 20:01

Thats great! Next week you can go and have a great night with the girls and stay over. Very healthy in a relationship.......unless, of course......you are not in a healthy relationship and something else is going on?

Milkminder · 27/05/2021 23:09

I’m not allowed a night away even though DH has them when he feels like it and it drives me MAD.

He’s an adult, it’s a night. Of course he should be able to go.