Why did exh react like this ???

[peoniepie]

My exh had an affair and left for ow.
It was a cruel blow, unexpected and our children still bear the scars of it two years later.
In the meantime I have met a lovely man . We are together ten months and see each other most weekends but spend eow together . We have met each other's children and all is well.
I was organising transport for my
Children to be dropped to his work for their summer holidays. It's a city half way between our holiday spots. He was agreeable and happy to do that. I explained that my boyfriend would be with us ( as a heads up) and suddenly he said that he wasn't going to do the change over and had no interest in meeting him !
It was not about my bf. I just didn't want it to be awkward when they met if it was unexpected .
Could someone explain this to me ? This is the same man who had an affair under my nose and lied solidly to my face for possibly years. He felt terrible for hurting me . I thought he would be happy that I am happy now . Thanks

Read the threads on here from women in your position and there's your answer_ even when the ex had an affair and left they still don't like it when you replace them. OK for them but not for you. Enjoy your break and don't worry about it

I thought he would be happy that I am happy now

No, from personal experience it doesn't work like that . It doesn't matter what the ex has done in the past, what horrible things he has done to you, how many women he has been with since you split......it is still quite likely that he will be a knob when he is faced with your new man.

It seems to be hard-wired into some men, the old jealousy thing, even when you are no longer together and he has a new woman.

My ex first met my new man when our son was involved in a sporting accident and broke his leg. Partner and I were watching the game, and went to the hospital with DS. I rang my ex to tell him, he arrived at the hospital and he STILL managed to act like a totally bratty child about having to meet my new man. He pouted and spluttered, had to go outside and have a smoke to get over it ......totally ignoring our son lying on the bed in A+E . It really made me realise how glad I was that we were no longer together.

You can't make him grow up, unfortunately. Just make other arrangements for the handover, and re-introduce your bf at a later date. Preferably when the children are not there, you don't want to upset them as well.

Good luck.

He is worried your new man is better than him. He wanted you to be pinning away for him incase he changed his mind or just so he knew he had power over you.

From a being kind point of view it might hurt him to see someone who is getting close to his children and might see them more than he does. He might worry they see him as a replacement "daddy" the same as you might feel having your kids being a happy family with his new partner?

Or he is just being a dick

As PPs have mentioned, it's really all of above but to sum it up, he's a dick.

I can't figure it out.
However, his partner isn't
Ready to meet our children and won't be for two years he said 🥺 he really wanted to introduce her to them .
He is a shit dad and tries to get out of basic caring for them so I doubt it is a jealousy that my bf is getting close to them . It's a strange one for sure .

That seems fair enough they probably want to make sure their relationship will last

It is she who won't meet them . He wanted her to meet them
From the beginning .

Someone who is happy to cheat and lie to you will also never be happy that you are happy.

Probably best she doesn't meet them, she might not last 2 years.

I wouldn't have warned him. Can't you just drop the children at his office - no need for the boyfriend and ex to be introduced - but scrub him up to look like an outranking Alpha male just in case!
Your ex is a twat but guess you knew that already!

@peoniepie

It is she who won't meet them . He wanted her to meet them From the beginning .

She is being sensible then not meeting them. She might not want to get involved in their lives until she knows their relationship is soild.

I agree with @katy1213 you're being too nice by giving him a heads up.

The ow knows she has to face what she did. That’s why she doesn’t want to meet them. Ideally for her, ever.

He’s just a prick!

So how are you going to manage this exchange then?

It means adding another two hours to
My trip .
I should have kept my mouth shut!
Twat

I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you either.

It's an age old reaction. My exh is like this.

I wouldn’t do an extra two hour trip, I would go with your boyfriend he can stay in the car and you just take the children into the Ex’ s workplace. He really can’t dictate this to you. He doesn’t have to meet him but he can’t decide who you have in your car at drop off.

Just don't introduce them but the BF can still go in the car. Just take the kids into exes office.

"That's fine I'll expect you at (your location) 2 hours earlier to pick them up instead then.

Alternatively if can drop them outside the office, but you will need to call me to tell me they have made it to you"

I'd be inclined to tell ex that BF will be staying in the car and there is no need for them to meet.

He's doing it because he's jealous. It's dick behaviour but not unusual.

My ex was the same. So we'd often drop the kids and DP would stay in the car. Over time, ex would come into my house with the kids and briefly acknowledge DP's presence More recently, the two of them had a cuppa together and laughed about how shit I was at DIY! 😂 It takes time.

"Oh are you too embarrassed to face another man who knows what you did to me and your children. Yeah I understand, I would be too. So you'll be collecting them from the house then, what time?"

It could be embarrassment because his treatment of the children has been deplorable and obviously
Me also .
My exh was always jealous of other men's height/ hair/ careers etc and this bf has everything that my ex was jealous of .

Definitely don't go 2 extra hours or change anything to accommodate him. If he asks, just say he wasn't coming and then bring him anyway.
That's the beauty of him being an ex. You don't have to put up with his shit anymore.

Ex is aware he's a shit dad, he's also aware he was a shit husband. He feels insecure that you have upgraded for a better model and he feels completely intimidated.

He felt superior to you, believed he'd broken your heart and you'd be pining after him forever, but you've shown him he's completely replaceable.

I think you've nailed it@sunnyblackwidow . He is aware he is a shit dad and he is being
Controlled by his partner especially regarding the kids so I'm
Sure he feels pretty lousy.