How do you know..

[WhyMrsRobinson]

If you are wrong for each other or if it’s just a bit of your marriage that needs to be ‘worked at because marriage isn’t easy’.
Thanks.

I guess whether you can still imagine spending the rest of your life with the dh / dw

Depends. How long have you had the feeling and what is the cause?

I think that if these are true, then work at it :

1. If you still fancy him.
2. He can still make you laugh.
3. You can still enjoy spending time together.
4. You can imagine being old together.
5. You still make 'in the future' plans together.
6. You share the same values and goals.
7. You know that if something happened to you, it's him you'd want at your bedside.
8. You know why you argue and it's because of something outwith your control e.g lack of sleep/ money worries etc, but which should get better in time.

It's truly over if ;

1. You dread the sound of him coming home, and your stomach sinks when he arrives home.
2. You hate sharing a bed with him.
3. You don't ever want to have sex with him.
4. You're scared of him/ his reactions.
5. It's his actions/ behaviour that causes the arguments (won't work/ anger issues/ gambling/ drinking etc.
6. You're so much happier whenever he's away (so you encourage him to have days away etc).
7. You imagine how good your life would be without him, frequently.
8. He gives you the 'ick'.

Thank you. That’s a brilliant list. Don’t know what to write, as I don’t want to moan. He works v hard for the family but everything is against him. I find it exhausting!

@WhyMrsRobinson

Just say what's on your mind, whatever it is.

Really, the whole point of MN is for us to say what's on our minds/ happening in our lives so that we can hear others opinions/ viewpoints/ advice etc.

Moan away !

Even when our own work/family/lives sometimes mean we take a while to reply !

I imagined myself as a very old woman sitting in a chair looking back over my life and what I thought was my biggest regret. It was staying with my ex husband, so I called time.

I was once certain my marriage was over. Really unhappy with him, with myself, was having my head turned. I felt I hated him. It was just awful.

We talked and agreed to go to counseling but in my head it was purely to try to split amicably rather than keep us together.

Honestly, at the end of the first session it was like a light went on. He was open to counseling, open to trying to understand what was in my head. Whilst I knew he wasn't perfect I realised I'd also been behaving badly and that the marriage could be rescued. That was 10 years ago and we're still together, happy, and I appreciate daily that he really is one of the good guys.

I'm not saying counseling is the be all and end all, but there it was a shock in that moment where I realised my marriage didn't have to be over - we could get through the tough parts if we came together as a team.

It varies by person. For me, only abuse or infidelity would end a marriage. For others, it would take less. Still others might accept infidelity. I think all you can do is listen to what your conscience and gut tell you because you are the one who has to live with the decision.

Thanks! Sorry not to reply! all updownroundandroundLife’s been getting in the way.
TooTiredForToday I’m starting counselling and the first thing seemed to be helping mee see that I need to be a bit firmer. Sorry stupid keyboard.
Will write aterwen keyboard has calmed down