I have a relative who I find very trying. I can't cut her out, it will cause a huge rift within my family but equally her behaviour is having a really negative impact on me.
-She moans about everything! I mean everything. It feels like she never has a good word to say about anything and it is incredibly draining.
-People do so much for her, she just wants more and more from them. It feels like she doesn't appreciate anything anyone does for her. She then complains about people if they won't do more and picks fault with everything they have done. (I don't do stuff for her for this reason)
-If she does something for you, you automatically owe her a favour!
-she slags everyone off behind their back and tries to get you to join in. She will then use anything you said against other people in arguments "well PigBiscuit even said you are rude"
-she is a martyr. She acts as though she has the most difficult life, that everything is so hard. That there isn't a minute of time for herself. She works full time. yadda yadda........so does everyone else. Life is busy! Pick your battles. Also as mentioned above, she gets loads of help from various family members which she is very lucky to have.
-She is very manipulative. When you say you can't do something (ie spend time with her) she has a very sneaky way of making it happen and as if by magic gets her own way.
- she can't make decisions for herself. She must call everyone and ask their opinion on the smallest of things. Once she has my opinion she will move onto the next person. We all usually end up saying the same thing, half the time she doesn't even take the advice. Some of the questions she asks are utterly ridiculous, its like an attention seeking thing or she wants and excuse to talk to you ie she is bored. She doesn't like being on her own.
- She will call multiple times a day and gets cross when people don't answer their phones. There is a reason we don't answer her calls but she never seems to cotton on!
- She belittles other people and makes really mean comments to their face and says its because she has the balls to say what no one else will.
-she will rarely own up to making a mistakes and apologise. When she does it usually because there is irrefutable evidence to show she is in the wrong. One family member has started corresponding with her by email just so she has back up to prove things.
-She is controlling!
Everything I have written above is very negative and I feel quite guilty but I needed to get it out, she isn't a horrible person, she can be really fun to be around and is kind and generous and has lots of really good traits! She is just such hard work in the other respects that I have mentioned above.
How do you deal with someone like that when you have no choice? I don't want to cut her out, but I would like to take back control and set some much firmer boundaries I am just not sure how.