Unspoken division of chores

[ForkedIt]

I’ve seen a lot of threads on here about unfair division of chores (usually women doing all the housework despite both parties working full time) but I was just wondering (for fun) if you have an ‘unspoken division of chores’ with your partner?

For example

• I do all the laundry and fold everything but I don’t (cba to) hang anything. I just leave the clothes to be hung in the basket and they ✨magically✨ get put away.

• I’ve never seen DH hoover in this house.

• I’ve never put the bins out in the 5 years we’ve lived here.

• DH cleans up after dinner whilst I bathe DC. He then does bedtime but if they wake up in the evening, they I’ll go up to them.

• I clean the bathrooms, but not the toilets.

• I choose the meals for the week (he cba), he then makes the list (he cooks), I buy the food, assuming he is home, he’ll then put it away.

Some of these things probably sound really convoluted but we are a well oiled machine (in some respects) so it’s only when I step back I think about how weird and ritualistic it seems!

Are we weird or do most people work this way?

Similar here,

Housework:

• I do dusting/hoovering upstairs, DH does the equivalent downstairs
• I do the kitchen, DH does the bathroom
• I do the cooking, he does the washing up
• I plan all means, he does the food shops
• He starts the washing, I put it away (can't stand the washing machine no idea why)
• I manage house admin he does car admin

Childcare:

• I'm on Mat leave so do M-F daytime
• We've both done any night shifts together since DD was born
• He does bath time/feeds her tea as I BF and do the other meals

My life isn’t quite so regimented but glad it works for you

i tend to do indoors and dh out.
i've never mowed the lawn, raked or fertilized it.
never cleaned out the gutters
never changed the cars oil or tires, never washed the car come to think of it.
same with the bicycles dh maintains them all.
never dug a hole to plant anything bigger than a fist.
only a few times put the garbage cans out.
never painted
dh doesn't like seeing me up on ladders sooo i don't put anything away on top shelves or bring them down.
same with light fixtures.
dh is a good cook and bakes all our bread, does all steak.
vacuuming is 50/50.
i seem to be fully in charge of all things bathroom related including cleaning up all pet accidents.
dh soaks the floors should he wash them and clothing he washes oddly comes out in a matted wrinkled ball.
he can't put a salad together for love nor money.

i tend to do indoors and dh out

Sounds like he got the best of that deal...

Emptying bins and cleaning the toilet is hardly onerous but are seen as men's jobs? Just why? If you accept sexist stereotypes I guess you accept women are better at the drudge work
Chores need to be shared fairly, only you know if your set up is fair

@Naunet

i tend to do indoors and dh out

Sounds like he got the best of that deal...

She gets to ogle him why he gets a sweat on in the garden though

*while not why

My dh does all the washing
I do most of the cooking
Cleaner does the rest of it

He does the bins, he cleans the bathrooms except DD's (she's in charge of the top floor!) and gets the vacuum out, I cook, do laundry, change bedding, clean the kitchen and clean the toilets between big bathroom cleaning, I fetch most the groceries and household stuff. I work less hours so cooking etc makes sense

umm we don't really have set chores, the only one really set in stone is the grocery shopping which he always does, he finishes early on a Friday so just goes on his way home and then we both get home around the same time. Everything else we both do really and the kids pitch in (I say kids but they're older teen/young adult) Whoever is home first cooks dinner, everyone helps clean up. He usually feeds and cleans up after the dog and I look after the cat

I work 30 hours. DH works full time.

I do:

All the childcare and pick up and drop offs - bedtime, bathtime, hobbies, getting up in morning, homework etc
All the laundry
All the cooking
All the cleaning
All the pet stuff
All the food shopping and putting it away
All the emptying the bins and sorting out the recycling etc

He mows the lawn in the summer every few weeks.

Wonder who got the better end of that unspoken deal.

The lawn seems to self mow
The bins manage to take themselves in and out by themselves
The fire lights itself on a cold day
My food mysteriously materialises at the dinner table on a weekend
My walking boots never get dirty

And my house gets clean on a Tuesday (cleaner)

I do most but not all of the housework, cooking and laundry. He does everything else.

I sit on my arse for way more time than he does so I'm happy with the deal.

We do have things that are just always his or mine. And for many of those, that's great. The problems come though when 1. my list seems to be as long, or longer than his, even though I work full time and he works part time and 2. anything and everything that is not specifically on the list in his head (A list HE decided on - I had no input on it except on insisting that he does the bathrooms and the bedding) falls to me. So a big part of MY list is keeping track of all the things that need doing and organising them because otherwise he just doesn't notice.

So I do appreciate that magically the lawn is mowed, the bins are taken out, the bedding is cleaned and the kids clothes are put away without me so much as thinking about them for even a minute. But I sometimes get frustrated that the things that aren't on my list are still just a relatively small amount of stuff that needs to be done or organised. My list is definitely longer. And seems to have more impact if it' snot done - DH can decide not to clean the bathroom. I can't decide not to organise DS's OT or to buy their birthday presents.

Oh the unspoken division of labour!

I do: grocery shopping, cooking, washing up, laundry, day to day clean up (sweep floors, wipe surfaces down), kids bath, put the youngest to bed, feed cats
He does: most outside jobs, mow lawn, sweep patio, tidy up outdoor toys, cleans cars, cleans muddy boots, walks dog, feeds dog, puts eldest to bed.

But since I have become WFH, I end up with all the organising and attending to home admin, kids appts, doctors, dentists, vets, making sure there is school uniform, nursery clothes, remembering mufti-days, who needs to be where and when... it's like because I am WFH I have become SAHM (which is a hugely busy job in itself!)

Is it too early for wine?

Surely stereotypes aren't a problem if there's an equal division of labour and everyone is happy? The problem is when male partners don't do their fair share of the household tasks in general.
My husband does the 'blue jobs' - empties bins, mows lawn, all DIY, shoe cleaning, buys chops and build log burner.
I change beds, manage all kids/school admin, plan food/meals, write shopping lists and cook dinners, look after pets
We share the laundry, food shopping, mid week vacuuming
We have a cleaner 3 hours a week
It wasn't all unspoken agreement though - when we moved in together we had discussions about jobs we hated doing versus ones we didn't mind and also ones we were more competent at! The cleaner came about when we had two kids in quick succession, plus full time jobs (or almost full time in my case!)

@Milkminder

I work 30 hours. DH works full time.

I do:

All the childcare and pick up and drop offs - bedtime, bathtime, hobbies, getting up in morning, homework etc
All the laundry
All the cooking
All the cleaning
All the pet stuff
All the food shopping and putting it away
All the emptying the bins and sorting out the recycling etc

He mows the lawn in the summer every few weeks.

Wonder who got the better end of that unspoken deal.

He sounds absolutely horrible - please don't feel you can't leave him. You're teaching your children that women should do absolutely everything (including working almost full time!) and men do what they want.

I actually forgot I made this thread!

But hey, if me not emptying the bins or cleaning the toilet makes me a bad feminist then so be it as I don’t want to do those things

Again, I’m fine with our set up and I know if either of us had an issue we would just tell the other. It was more the things that magically get done in your house.

I laughed at the thought of taking a floor each ... do you just stop half way up the stairs?

My cleaner does 90% of the domestic stuff and my husband does everyting else. My kids are old enough to look after themselves but I rely on my 19 daughter to sort everything if my husband is away and I'm on a late shift. It's amazing how she uses her personality and sense of humour to corral her younger brother and sister and organise her b/f.

I concentrate on keeping people alive. It's been a challenge.