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Original poster

Holidays

27 replies

justbreathe2 · 26/05/2021 20:29

Out of interest, those of you who don't live with your DP, how often does he go away with you compared to how often does he go away with his family?

OP posts:
Original poster
justbreathe2 · 26/05/2021 20:56

My post probably was a little ominous! Basically DP and I are taking our DC (not joint) away in the summer. He's taken lots of other time off with his DC too. We've been talking about just me and him having 2 or 3 nights away at some point as we never get much time together.

He's come over tonight and dropped in to conversation that he's today booked some time away in the summer with his DC and his Mum.

I have absolutely no problem with him going away with his DC, or his Mum, but he also said (after I asked) that this now leaves him with 1 day of annual leave until the end of the year.

He's not said anything further about it. If I'm being silly then please do say, I'm just so disappointed!

OP posts:
Otter71 · 26/05/2021 20:59

I guess that depends on circumstances?
My partner's kids are grown up and he hasn't been on holiday with them for years. We had a couple of holidays in the year pre lockdown.

sunnyzweibrucken · 27/05/2021 02:09

I would be disappointed too as I would feel he didn’t think alone time w/o kids was important to him

Sakurami · 27/05/2021 07:03

If you tag it to a bank holiday or a weekend you can go away for 2, 3 nights.

How long have you been together and how often do you see each other? Have you met each other's kids?

category12 · 27/05/2021 07:06

And you didn't say "but what about those days we were planning together?" because?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/05/2021 07:34

So just go for a weekend, presumably he thinks that is what you meant by two nights away.
Annual leave is precious and most parents would want to use it to spend time with their children.

Original poster
justbreathe2 · 27/05/2021 07:50

We've been together 3 years. Yes have met each other's children and we do spend lots of time together (albeit with DC around). We can't do weekends due to the DC contact schedule.

OP posts:
Original poster
justbreathe2 · 27/05/2021 07:55

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss I completely agree - I use lots of mine for my DC too. I'm just disappointed when we discussed having a few nights away and now he has used 27 out of his 28 days.

OP posts:
LemonTT · 27/05/2021 08:17

What’s he used the leave for?

Original poster
justbreathe2 · 27/05/2021 08:26

@LemonTT A couple of days for himself, the holiday in the summer with me and all the DC, this new holiday with his DC and his Mum, and the rest on his DC during the school hols.

OP posts:
seensome · 27/05/2021 08:32

I don't think you can expect to go away alone together when you have children, all go together? The priority should always be with your own first.

Original poster
justbreathe2 · 27/05/2021 08:37

@seensome There was no expectation, we'd just agreed to have a couple of nights on our own this year.

OP posts:
category12 · 27/05/2021 08:53

So why didn't you ask him what happened to that plan?

LemonTT · 27/05/2021 09:00

It’s life with children. Many couples aren’t able to carve out free time.

Except for a few days he has his children on the leave days. Whether he goes on holiday or not he wouldn’t have free time for you. He would still have his children in the holidays.

Original poster
justbreathe2 · 27/05/2021 09:06

@category12 I did and he just looked at me blankly!

OP posts:
Palavah · 27/05/2021 09:26

I think it's a shame that you can't get away for a few days together and can't go for a weekend either because of the contact schedule. Aren't the kids away with their parent on at least one weekend?

category12 · 27/05/2021 09:28

[quote justbreathe2]@category12 I did and he just looked at me blankly![/quote]
Ah.

I would throw this fish back. I get the feeling you're low priority to him.

Sakurami · 27/05/2021 09:30

Ah right, so you do get holidays just not on your own. But most couples with children rarely get to do that either. But anyway, speak to him about it.

aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2021 09:41

[quote justbreathe2]@category12 I did and he just looked at me blankly![/quote]
I think the problem is that he doesn't sound very thoughtful or considerate of you. He didn't even remember this was a plan.

bookworm20 · 27/05/2021 10:50

I'd be pissed off about that tbh, especially as you'd talked about it.
It wouldn't have killed him to prioritise a couple of days of his annual leave to have a romantic break with just the 2 of you.
Not like you are demanding a 2 week holiday in the maldives. Just a weekend with no dc.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 27/05/2021 11:26

Do his DC live with their mum and he has weekends and holidays? If that's the case then he probably will use up most of his hols with them. He probably needs a bit more warning too, ask him about a holiday just the two of you next year and then start planning it together.

Original poster
justbreathe2 · 27/05/2021 11:33

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea He has every other weekend, 2 nights every week and a fair share of the school hols. Of course if it was a proper holiday then there would have been lots of planning involved, but this was 2 nights at some point this year that was agreed between us at the start of the year.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 27/05/2021 11:40

but this was 2 nights at some point this year that was agreed between us at the start of the year.

Can you not go on a weekend then if that's all you were planning to do anyway?

Original poster
justbreathe2 · 27/05/2021 11:46

@AryaStarkWolf We were planning to use 2, maybe 3 days annual leave for during the week as we can't do weekends due to the DC's contact schedules.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 27/05/2021 11:50

[quote justbreathe2]@AryaStarkWolf We were planning to use 2, maybe 3 days annual leave for during the week as we can't do weekends due to the DC's contact schedules. [/quote]
And would he not get his mother to babysit one weekend so you could go away?

**It is shitty though that he didn't have your break away together as important enough to factor into his annual leave