Divorce - kids

[LouiseHEmily]

Hi all,

Looking for some advice

I’ve been separated two years and divorced one.

During this time I have maintained access for my DS6 with my exH. We have 50/50 split 3 nights one week 4 the next. I feel this is best for my DS in the long run.

However ..

ExH badmouths me direct to DS
Doesn’t bath him some nights and forgets to brush his teeth and hair.

DS is always sent to school (I collect on handover day from there) on my day in clothes that are to small, with holes in.

He feeds DS takeaway at least two nights when he has him, allows fizzy drinks (not the biggest issue) and allows him non alcoholic cider (big issue to me)

I’m not sure how to approach this. I have raised this multiple times with my exH as unreasonable. But he actually told me I had put the holes in the clothes (I’ve since taken pictures every week to show it’s constant)

What do I do? Is this a big issue (I feel it is)

Any advice appreciated

Some of those things don’t matter eg not bathing every night.
Teeth is important. Hair not so much.

Pick your battles.

Could you say I’ve noticed X uniform is getting a bit snug I’ll order some new uniform for Them it’ll be £££ but we can split the cost. So if you pay ££ into my account this week I can get that sorted this weekend. Thanks.

Also at 6 you should try to encourage your child to brush his own teeth if dad forgets. Tell him his teeth will fall out.

Thanks for your reply

I’ve certainly learned to pick my battles and I agree it’s the best way to go!

And yes things like the hair are just Niggly little points

We agreed when we separated I would by uniform and he would buy his own. Shoes we would split the cost. It’s taken me two years to get half the cost!

I do encourage DS to do his teeth and bless him he remembers sometimes but certainly needs prompting

Thanks for your response!

Why do you think your current split is best for your son?

You can't dictate the way your ex looks after your son. It's crap, but there's not much you can do.

With regards to what he feeds him, takeaway and fizzy drinks are perhaps not ideal, but non-alcoholic cider I would not be happy with at all! I get that it's non-alcoholic, but there's just no need & I find it quite bizarre. What's wrong with Appletiser?!

Hi,

Thanks for your responses

I guess i thought it was best for DS to have equal time with both so he didn’t feel he was missing out

No I’ve realised I can’t stop him feeding him take away ect. The more I mention it thr more he feeds him it.

He does do things just to go against what I would have wanted or liked. For example DS can’t have a comforter at his house as he was against it but o wanted to let DS have one

Sorry i guess it all seems trivial

I agree what is wrong with apple tizer as a treat. I don’t like the conatationsions so young even if it is non alcoholic