Abusive partner

[Kat899]

I’ll make this as short as I can.
Myself an my partner have an ok relationship until he is drunk. Prior to lockdown he would be at the pub all the time and come back and be abusive. Lockdown was like a breath of fresh air to me as I didn’t have to put up with his drunken behavior. Now the pubs have reopened and it’s like going back in time. This weekend he came back after binge drinking most of the weekend and became verbally and physically abusive towards me. Even now he has sobered up he will not apologies for his behavior. He even damaged things in our house.
I think lockdown opened my eyes and I cannot put up with this behavior like I used too.
Unfortunately I am on quite a low income and cannot afford the rent on our house on my own, plus we have another 7 months left on the lease.
I am now thinking I should save as much as I can over the next 7 months and get the hell out of this relationship. I am in my 40s now and do not want another 10 years of this. Has anyone gone through this before and have any advice on planning to leave an abusive partner.

I would contact Womens Aid and the Rights of Women organisations as soon as possible. You cannot afford to spend another 7 months with him abusing you because of some lease agreement. Saving money takes time and that is something you do not have the luxury of here either.

Never be afraid here to call the police either when you feel threatened.

Yeah another 7 months of him being a drunken obnoxious arsehole smashing things and potentially hurting you, that’s not ok. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but now that you’re awake to the abuse, you have to get out ASAP. It will eat away at you and make you miserable - and that’s best case scenario. Worst case is that he properly hurts you during one of his drunken rages.

Call women’s aid for starters and also start to gather important documents etc and keep together in case you need to leave in a hurry.

This can be a dangerous time, once they sense that you’re leaving they can ramp up the abuse, so be sure to cover your tracks on here and with WA etc so that he doesn’t suspect he’s losing control.

Do you have a friend or family member who could put you up for a while? Do you have children living here?

Plus I’d be tempted to report him for the most recent incident, even if nothing comes of it, you’ll have it on record for future reference if things turn even more ugly. Police can put a marker on your address to make sure they respond quickly if he escalates his physical abuse.

I will contact them and see if they can help. I don’t want to be put up in any hostel though.
Plus I’m worried if I leave as my name is on the lease he will get me into debt.
I have no children but he does have children from a previous relationship, luckily they are not here when he does this, although he has got drunk around them before so I’m sure they will be aware of how his drinking changes him when they are older.
I know it doesn’t make a difference in the grand scheme of things but I just can’t understand why he’s not even saying sorry for doing it and just ignoring me.

He’s ignoring you and refusing to apologise because he doesn’t give a shit. Are the bills in your name? I’d phone the agency and enquire about you being removed from the tenancy. As long as you aren’t the lead tenant then there shouldn’t be too many issues. It’s easy enough to stop any bills in your name so he can’t run up debts.

You should not accept abuse. Not even once! He is not apologising because you have accepted his prior abusive behaviour and he clearly feels he can do whatever he want to you because you will accept it. SO STOP ACCEPTING IT TODAY. Call NOW 08082000247 they can help you get away from him and are available 24hrs a day. Alcohol does never create new believes but merely exposes deeply held believes. In conclusion deep down he doesn't respect you.

Thank you all for your advise.
I think I’m just scared, not only of what he will do on his next drinking session but of where I will end up. I just want somewhere I can feel home and feel safe.

@Kat899

Thinking of you.
You can do this!
Please call the numbers pp have given you...they will be able to help you figure out what you need to do one step at a time.
I've never been in your shoes, but it must be unsettling and scary to know you need to get out...Women's Aid will help you get started and give a handhold as to how you can move forward and what needs doing...you are not alone

You’ll be a lot safer away from him OP. Please do seek help and advice.