Planning on leaving abusive partner

[Kat899]

I’ll make this as short as I can.
Myself an my partner have an ok relationship until he is drunk. Prior to lockdown he would be at the pub all the time and come back and be abusive. Lockdown was like a breath of fresh air to me as I didn’t have to put up with his drunken behavior. Now the pubs have reopened and it’s like going back in time. This weekend he came back after binge drinking most of the weekend and became verbally and physically abusive towards me. Even now he has sobered up he will not apologies for his behavior. He even damaged things in our house.
I think lockdown opened my eyes and I cannot put up with this behavior like I used too.
Unfortunately I am on quite a low income and cannot afford the rent on our house on my own, plus we have another 7 months left on the lease.
I am now thinking I should save as much as I can over the next 7 months and get the hell out of this relationship. I am in my 40s now and do not want another 10 years of this. Has anyone gone through this before and have any advice on planning to leave an abusive partner.

please get out of there as soon as you can. if you have any friends near you that you trust, confide in them and plan to temporarily move in with them. he may get violent when you do leave (damaging cars, smashing windows etc) so be prepared for that. keep a diary of everytime he is abusive and any photographic evidence if possible, as it may be necessary to get the police involved if he does get violent after. i’d recommend keeping this on a device or at a friends house so he doesn’t find it. closer to the date, start looking for available jobs when you can. DO NOT pack a bag until right before you leave, and take as little as possible. i’d recommend leaving when he goes to the pub as it gives you time to collect yourself without the added worry of him in the house. try to get as far away from him as possible, and maybe to someone he wouldn’t first think you’d go to, so you have more time to yourself before he starts trying to get you back. the diary will also help if he reports you as missing (which is unlikely). as for money, again, store it at a friends house. also, if you think you could pay it back, get loans from friends. basically, your friends will be a big help. if he gets too much one night and you have to leave asap, you will always have someone at the other end of the phone who can support you and get you out if needed. please stay safe.

Hi Kat you will get more responses if you post on the relationship thread.

The actually right thing to do is call the police, when he is abusive next, get him removed, they will hopefully keep him in the cells overnight, request to the police that they tell him not to return to the property, then when he’s in court request a non molestation/restraint order.
You can get him out.
💐
Contact women’s aid if you are in the uk.

Hello @Kat899 - we're going to move this over to Relationships now. Best of luck.

Who is named on the tenancy agreement; is it both of you?.

Saving money takes time and that is something you do not have the luxury of. Remaining at all within this for the next 7 months will not benefit you any and just gives him further opportunity to otherwise abuse you and further wear you down. And what whydidimarryhim wrote in its entirety.

My ex is an alcoholic. I shared a house because I just wanted out. He drank at home 15 cans or more per day he would ask me to go to the shop to get alcohol several times a day. If I said no he would verbally abuse me. He began putting his hands around my neck and he started punching and headbutted me. He went to prison for a short time but of course it was my fault. His parents blamed me too. I totally had enough of the verbal, emotional and physical abuse. No sex for 5 years, he never had a shower and wore the same clothes for several months at a time. Please get out before it gets worse.

Do you have DC together,
Can you stay with someone while you look for somewhere else to live.
His next abusive episode could kill you.