Would I be able to stop contact?

[Peppeakuk]

I'm new here but I need advice.

I have 2 boys and they're 16 and 8. I split up with my ex when I was pregnant with my youngest as he was abusive towards me. My eldest never witnessed it. My ex went to court to contact and he's been seeing my eldest eow and my youngest has as well when he got a bit older.

The past few years my eldest has been saying he hates going to his dads, I just thought it was because his dad doesn't have an Xbox so he carried on going as when he got back he was fine.

A couple of weeks ago, he got back from his dads and he had a bruise on his face, he told me his dad punched him. I didn't believe him and thought he had been fighting at school (he has previously done this).

They went to their dads this weekend and got back Sunday morning when they got back my youngest was very quiet (unlike him as he's normally very loud). My eldest showed me his hand and it was bruised and swollen and he told me that on Saturday night, my ex was shouting at my youngest because he wouldn't eat his dinner (he's autistic and has a limited diet and my ex knows this) and he told my ex not to shout at my youngest and my ex pushed him and he hit his hand on the wall. He said my ex was drunk.

I took him to the hospital and he's got a broken hand.

He said he doesn't want to go to his dads in a few weeks and its up to him as he's now 16. But I'm wondering would I be allowed to not send my youngest?

Do not let them go back for gods sake. He is abusing them

Also you need to report these incidents.

You call the police and report this immediately. He has committed a crime - against his own children ffs.

And you stop contact for both boys immediately. Your priority here needs to be keeping them safe.

Your poor children. Absolutely don't allow contact as their dad is an abusive drunk.

You can lodge this with police and also the school. Did your son need medical treatment?
Do you have communication with your Ex? If so use email and notify him of your son's decision not to see him and advise that you will wait for advice from social services as to whether your youngest should maintain direct contact

Go.to.the.police.

Fs op this one really isnt rocket science.

Go to the police and log it all , all info and press charges.
12 is the legal age that a child gets to choose to visit a non resident parent or not so if the wont go you cannot force them .
But never send them again

@Umberellatheweatha

Go.to.the.police.

Fs op this one really isnt rocket science.

The already reported it to the police.

No you don't let them go back. Why would you?

@Inthesameboatatmo

Go to the police and log it all , all info and press charges. 12 is the legal age that a child gets to choose to visit a non resident parent or not so if the wont go you cannot force them . But never send them again

I'm not going to force them as it's their choice and I know if my eldest doesn't go, my youngest will refuse

I think you could be criticized if you DO make your 8yo go to see his father. Especially as he'd have no protection, going on his own without his brother.

Your 8 year old refuses to go .... the dad insists and take you to court ... you tell court he injured your older child ... but you can't prove it as the police were not involved ... court forces your 8 year old to see him.

If it’s court ordered contact then you may need to go to court to have the order varied otherwise you will be in breach if you don’t follow what the order says ie don’t make them available for contact. Your ex sounds like a prize a-hole if he’s the sort to bother getting court contact then proceeds to get drunk and be abusing when he has them. Braving the order might just play right into his hands.

Your poor kids, why didn’t your believe your son? Don’t send them again.

You should also have reported this to social services.

When you took your setting eldest to the hospital, did the staff ask how the injury happened? If an honest account of how the injury occurred had been given then the staff have a duty of care to report this for child protection reasons.
Also, you can report to social services yourself, I’m sure that they would support a decision of no contact with their abusive father.

I would say it's pretty strong grounds for not allowing them to go back let alone anything else

Would you send your dc to an abusive adult? Being the df isn't justification to still send him.
Yabu to consider sending your dc.

I'm not considering it! I'm asking if I can STOP contact between my youngest and my ex

Of course you can. And you must. How would he convince a judge he should have contact?.

I find it really sad you didn’t believe your child. Of course you can stop contact, I’ve stopped contact with my kids and my ex.

Yes absolutely stop it, you have every reason to. Where are the Police with the investigation?

If it's court ordered contact and you're stopping it, you need to make an application to the court at the same time to vary the order otherwise you will be in breach. Write to ex to inform him this is what you are doing, so there is a paper trail and you are explaining why, not just stopping.

When I was in this situation, the courts said they would remove the children if I didn't continue contact as there was no proof but social services and the police said they would take action if I did send them to contact. (Although hopefully you have proof with the hospital records.) You have to tread very very carefully.

Op I hope you took photos of your ds's injury.
Keep a diary of events... Any messaged etc keep them. Also watch he isn't texting the dc inappropriately either..

Omg! Yes of course its your responsibility to safeguard both the children. Doesn't matter if they want to go or not, you shouldn't allow them.
If you told the police they should have contacted social services. There should be an investigation. Be careful that your not seen as not safeguarding the kids. You need to be their protector it'd not their choice it's yours.
I know you have a court order but this can be broken on when you have safeguarding conserns. I know this because I've done it. I took it strait back to court. You really need other professionals involved now.