Was I wrong to say how I felt to the guy I was seeing over a social media post?

[Tilkie]

I broke off the last guy I was seeing in Feb as he was very negative - we had a great time but it just wasn't what I was looking for. We spent around 6 months together and didn't end on bad terms.

I soon met a new guy online in March, and began dating him in April. He seemed to tick every single box, he seemed so interested and we had a great connection.

I also have a boy, and me and his Dad have set days in the week. This guy knew this, but during the past few weeks he would ask me to see him and ask if my parents could look after my son. I would say no, as I always saw him on the days I was child free. But I would also think how nice, he wants to see me loads(!)

He was seeing a girl before me, who he told me has issues. She messaged him one day when I was with him and he replied with 'I am seeing someone' so I didn't think anything of it. He also had photos of her in his phone, but again I didn't really care as I understand some people don't go back and delete them. She posts lots of revealing photos on her social media, and he still has her on all platforms - but again I didn't care nor ever bring her up.

I had a bit of a low day and said this to him, he replied with 'sorry to hear this' and that was that. The next day I see on my feed he has liked this girls photo (in her underwear may I add), and it seemed on purpose to me so I brought it up. When I did he accused me of being jealous and that he can't be in a relationship with someone who displays 'clear warning signs'. He said he was supporting this person by liking the photo and that if I am to get upset at that, who knows how I will be later on down the line. And it seems petty, but at the same time couldn't understand why you would engage with a past partner like that.

By the way, he was the one who wanted to be in a relationship. I also mentioned the guy I was seeing before him because I never had any issues with jealousy or social media.

Another couple of things to mention are I am vegan and one day he was at mine and decided to ordered from a place I had no options, he would go on his phone pretty much straight away after sex and would constantly tell me how much better I would look with a different hairstyle. These are quite selfish behaviours imo, and I believe that he was maybe using me for his ego?

I just need to know if I am wrong to be upset at him liking the photo or was I well within my rights to say how it made me feel? It was more the principle of liking the photo and then his reaction rather than the act itself. I dunno. Feel so confused. It was clear he was saying he couldn't continue this, so I just agreed and said ok. He then said 'Please dont feel awful about the way you are because of me'????

I said I wont... then he left it a while and I got a message saying how much he will miss me and how sad this situation is. He also then liked my photo on insta soon after. I have since just ignored but not deleted or blocked him.

This isn't ok is it?

No it isn't, throw him back op.

For god's sake raise your standards! This one is awful.

Apart from liking an ex's scantily clad post, there is actually plenty more red flags that should already have resulted in him being ditched. Set your bar higher, if someone doesn't respect that you are a parent with responsibilities, it should be a no go. If they are trying to alter your appearance, equally, it's a no.

So he lectured you about crossinh a line in a relationship....because he'd crossed a line?? What a twat.

Wtf! Keep ignoring him, block and delete him. Don't look back.

It’s not ok! Don’t look back! Red flags all over that post!

Delete and block.

Oh and random point - such a common early indicator of being with a narcissist when they start suggesting you change your hair colour or style. It's a test to see how much their words affect you. Eg: if you do it. And a test to see how much little comments can affect your self esteem (eg: 'you'd suit being blonde' and similar will become 'you could do with losing a few pounds' and do on and so fourth as they ramp up abuse over time).

I’d find following women in lingerie shots (even an ex) highly unsavoury. He’s one for the reject bin OP.

The fact he liked your pics now he's been a dick I think shows why he's liking her pics. By the sounds of it, he's a prick to women who he sees as inferior, and a bit of a letch for women who have stood up to him.

Thank you - sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else as I am so blinded by feelings!

He seems to be the type who takes great pleasure in winding you up. He doesn't sound very nice. You seem sensible to me and like you've got your head screwed on ; he maybe doesn't like that ? Tough shit for him.
He's also controlling. He wants his own way, wanting to see you when you have your child. He's seeing how far he can go, what you will do for him.

Red flags all over the place with this one.

Fuck him off out of it and don’t look back.

He needs to go.

Tbh op he is a real creepy one. Like an extra high level manipulative shit. 'Dont feel bad awful about the way you are' literally means the opposite of that. He wants to crush your self esteem.

And it is absolutely not ok to like underwear shots of other women when you have a partner. What a creep. A gaslighting creep at that.

You might be wise to read up on 'narcissistic hoovering' (the things his kind do to try an emotionally manipulate you into coming back).

He is very bad news. Please delete and block everywhere you can. Oh and be prepared as once he realises you atent going to fall for his nicely nice act, he will likely go 'narcissist smear campaign' on you. But if he is blocked, you wont have to see that shit.

Also, all the exes ( and I mean ALL the exes !) always have issues!
It must be so refreshing to meet someone who says, My ex was a lovely woman, salt of the earth !

He can be supportive of his ex on his own time and not waste yours

So many red flags

He's one of those that think his magical presence fuels womens self esteem. Clearly he thinks he has a duty to the world to make women feel wanted....because you know we can't feel good about ourselves without him.

OP forget his game playing he has enough red flags he sounds like a golf course.

He was seeking validation that you would instantly think worse of yourself if you weren't with him. Why would you give an emotionally stunted womble that satisfaction.

Walk away with your head held high and let the magician play with his monkey. I would guess the poor woman before you got the same treatment. He's looking for an ego boost because he's lacking in actual positive attributes. You are more than someone else's validation.

Red flags all the way with this one.....do not continue with this one.....finish, block and move on....dont look back either.

Thank you everyone. I think I knew this deep down, but he made me doubt myself so much I began to think it might have been me. Your comments have given me the strength I need to move on and I am super grateful xxx

Him liking thw photo was definitely to get you to react, he's trying to break you down already. Don't engage with him. Keep him blocked and don't accept this sort of behaviour for any other man in the future.

You've only been dating him two months and he's playing mind games already! Dump.

Oh just block him, it really isn’t worth this hassle two months in!