Ex befriending my friends & I feel annoyed. Is it me?

[Lizzie523]

I met him when I lived abroad in another European country. Decent guy but had demons and was going through counselling - he wasn't capable of a proper relationship and was fairly commitment phobic so we broke up after 8 months. He did however introduce me to a hobby which I have continued in the UK.

A few months after break up, we became friends again and have stayed in touch. We even have a catch up call once a month now too - I consider him to be a friend and don't feel anything romantic any longer.

However - because our hobby is part of a wider European network and due to lockdowns, he has been joining online sessions hosted by my good friend and teacher in my city. I now see he is Facebook friends with many of my friends here now too - and I can't help but feel it is weird! This is my life.

Am I over reacting to find this odd/annoying? I am half expecting him to announce he is moving here or something.

To clarify, there are tons of events around this hobby and it seems fairly obvious he is attending events related to me/my connections and attended by my friends.

I can see why it annoys you but if he's making connections due to your shared hobby rather than to stalk you then he's not doing anything wrong. Maybe he feels like it was his hobby first and you're the one encroaching into his world.

You've said you consider him a friend though, so what's the issue? If you're all connected by this hobby I don't see why you would be upset? Do you not want him in your life? It would be weird if he just randomly started adding toot friends but if he has built relationships with them on his own then that's surely up to him.

@KylieKoKo he definitely doesn't think that! He wanted me to get involved with it and encouraged me.

The truth is that this hobby really helped me after the break up with this particular friend group. We weren't together long but it hurt at the time.

I suppose I enjoy catching up with him but I can just imagine me telling him about a friend and him saying 'oh yeah, so and so!'. I think I compartmentalise and often prefer if that way!

Maybe I do sound mean.

After the break up, as both went to live in separate European countries where we both still live.

I don't know why it bothers me so much @Ginger1982. I think although he is a friend, it has reminded me he is still also an ex - and I don't think I would want any ex to remain a central part of my life and friend group.

Maybe im being a bit unreasonable. I definitely feel a bit weird about it though.