Starting again after a long term relationship

[PandaEyes73]

So anyone who’s been in a long term relationship/marriage who have gotten into a new relationship, how did it happen? Did you actively try and find someone or did it just happen?

Me and my partner of 20 years separated a few months ago. My decision as he abuses alcohol and was abusive emotionally and physically on occasion. Also cheated a number of times so not much he hasn’t put me through to be honest! It has taken me a long time to leave him but I finally have. It’s still messy and I can’t go no contact as we have children, who live with me and he doesn’t ever have them. Pops in now and again to see them.

We got together when we were 16 so I am still young and I don’t have any experience at all of dating. I feel sad that I may be alone for the rest of my life as I don’t have a clue where to start when I’m ready. I know I need to work on myself and I’m unsure that I’ll ever want to be in a relationship again but I was just looking for people’s experiences. I feel like I’m damaged good also due to the amount of crap he’s put me though over the years. I doubt I would ever trust a man again.

So…How long did it take you to feel ready to put yourself back out there and how did you go about it? Do you have any tips for working on yourself so that you may have a healthier relationship in the future?

Well it’s been 4 years for me and I still haven’t got back out there, I was with my ex for 10 years from age and he was my only relationship so I’m also not sure how to get back out there! I think the longer you leave it the harder it becomes, online dating seems to be the only way to meet people these days if you don’t go out much.

Hi @Happycat1212 hope your feeling better after 4 years, I still feel awful daily! Online dating scares the crap out of me! Have you ever tried it?

I must admit I looked on tinder after being persuaded by friends (they think it’s odd I’ve been single for so long) but I was shocked at how many men on there were openly on their profile admitting to being married or in relationships (so imagine all the ones that don’t admit to it) even seen a man I know lying about his age, so that put me off! If I ever did decide to meet someone again I guess online would be my only option but I’ve been put off it for now.

God, that’s awful! I guess if it’s meant to be it will happen, but it’s hard to meet people if you don’t go out like you said. I suppose I just need to learn to be content with my own company and if I meet someone one day then it’s a bonus.

My now DH was my friend before. Not a close friend but still someone I trusted.

Then bang I looked at him differently.

It was six months after id split with her dad but it was just right.

There is no time limit on any of this.

I probably wasn't ready in hindsight but he has worked through Everything with me. Prob as we were friends first.

I have been single for 3 years now. I have had a few flings. But I really can't be arsed. I have limited time and money to waste on dating. I'd rather be with my kids. Friends or family.

I needed time to heal. I'm sure those on the outside think I'm pinning for my ex. I'm not. I'm just content with my lot. It doesn't need to be anymore complicated.

I do miss having the physical and emotional support of a significant other at times. And throw myself into old. If you do it. See it as a hobby. It is 95% odd balls. And married men. Have high standards. And do not tolerate anything you aren't comfortable with. As I say I have dated a bit. But I would rather be single than have a relationship for the sake of it.

When you find out let me know .

I left the only man I've ever felt ok with sexually 2 years ago and after 20 + online dates I've given up . I'm joining a convent . I miss Intimacy so much but I can't find what I had with anyone else. Sadly he was a dick and didn't like me much tbh . But I did feel for him and I can't find the same with anyone else

I was married over 20 years - he cheated, and I divorced him. Was happily single and licking my wounds for about a year and a half when I started seeing an old friend who got back in touch. I was not looking for a relationship, and would have happily stayed single longer if that was the way it worked out, but I am very happy with my bf now. I would say having time to become happier in my own skin after a shitty marriage break up meant I was in a much better place to meet someone (even though I didn’t then know it). I also think not going looking for it helped, it just kind of happened for me (never did get round to doing OLD, and glad of that, I would have been rubbish at it!)