Marriage ending - where to begin

[Loubelou14]

My husband and I have just agreed to separate. It's all amicable but we have no idea how to work out what's fair. He wants me and our children to stay in the house but I'm worried I won't be able to afford to take on additional mortgage to buy him out. He will need money to be able to get his own place. I've been advised to go to mediation but that's expensive and I'd like to think we can sort between us. I'm going to call citizens advice but can anyone who's been through this offer any advice?

Bumping

Do you know all the financial details, such as mortgage, equity, pensions, savings?

It's great to hear its amicable, try to keep it that way if possible.

Are you both working, how old are the children. There is often emotion about staying in the family home but often a fresh start is positive.

What will happen with child residency...is that resolved?

It is hard to know where to begin sometimes. But it sounds like he is putting you and the kids at the top of the agenda. Which is a great start. You will need advice. And mediation can really help. And cut costs in the longer term. Would suggest speaking to a mortgage broker about what is and isn't possible with respect to the house. The priority is for you and the DCs to be safe.

Thank you for your replies. We have an idea about our finances. We have a house which is worth 5 times the current mortgage so for example if mortgage is 50k house worth 250k. I think I'd need to release 100k for his share but not sure that's affordable. I don't want to uproot kids. They are 17 and 14. The eldest is quite introverted and I think they'd both respond better if their immediate world wasn't being impacted by the change. Its a priority at the moment and the first thing people have said to me because they know how long we've been here and how we are as a family. Its the costs of mediation that worry me and that's why I'm trying to work out own own arrangements before we consult any expensive professionals. I will be working full time and salary will increase to circa 28k. We both have company pensions and we have shares from a bank but they're not currently worth a great deal. Maybe 10k? Possibly 20? I think we'll feel more settled when we know what direction we can take.

Get legal advice. Gather all your information together. And pay for a consultation. I did this a few years ago. It was about £200. But it was a professional telling me how the finances should be divided fairly. We weren't married. But the house was mine and had equity in it before we met. I s ted it confirmed I could ring fence that money.

This going to cost £££ be prepared for that. And as your situation sound complicated with pensions and shares etc professional advice is the best way forward.

I know you want it to be amicable, but I'd strongly recommend you speak to a solicitor to really understand d the financial implications of any agreements you make.

I know he's your stbx husband, but he's not your friend, you need to protect the future for yourself and your dc. Don't remain amicable at the detriment of that

The solutions for divorce don't appear overnight, it's a process of gathering info and then answers will come.

However divorce costs, it's a legal process so has to involve solicitors to get everything sorted...consider it a wedding in reverse!

Mediation is very cost effective but both parties encouraged to take legal advice before. It really is sensible to do this.

Depending on your age a new mortgage should be possible and you could find that out from brokers. Separating after a long life together is a challenge but if your Ex is prepared to put the children first that's a great first start.

I am just starting out with divorce and went to see a solicitor last week, which was really helpful. Cost me £180.

I am going to instruct her to deal with the finances and the divorce as although they are separate things, they both really need to be done at the same time. She said the more amicable we can be the cheaper it will be so I'm hoping we can continue to be amicable as we currently are. I know what I want financially (to stay in the family home with our 2 kids) so have been contacting my mortgage company, etc to find out if it would be possible and i was pleasantly surprised.

My solicitor needs to get financial disclosures from us both to try and work out a reasonable deal (more equity for me to not touch his pension is most likely).

I would advise at least an initial consultation with a solicitor. Mine is going to bill me monthly to spread the cost.