My husband called me fat

[mummybear2918]

My husband and I got into a massive argument (nothing new) but during this argument he call me fat and this ripped my heart out. I'm busy mum to an 2.5 year old and a 11 month old. I know ove gained weight but it was so nasty how he said it and when comforted he said I am fat wasn't something in the heat of the moment and said he doesn't care he called me fat. Now I'm never going to want him to touch me or even see me naked. Those words and completely defeated me. It the worse thing you could call me.

no nasty comments very vulnerable at the minute

I've been called many a names in my life I'm a big girl and can handle it but when some targets something they know I have issues with really badly. I'm always comparing myself to the girls in our friendship groups who are pretty and skinny and it's horrible (these girls love me as i am) they have babies and always have time for hair and make up and I don't so I do always look absolutely terrible beside them. Im just so defeated and I am feeling am feeling so low. I've never been called fat before ever in my life and its absolutely killing me

If I'm honest the marriage isn't the greatest fighting all the time and we do fight alot but this is the first he called me fat.

You can't raise children in this environment, which is getting increasingly toxic and nasty. Please, it's not fair on you or them but they have absolutely no choice in the matter so you need to make the choice for them.

I just read your other threads - he is so abusive in so many ways that it would meet the threshold for police involvement.

For the sake of your children please please call womens aid and ask for their help making a safe plan to leave.

Him calling you fat obviously hurt but he has done things to you that could have killed you, is sexually coercive and abusive and has been violent and aggressive repeatedly in front of your terrified children.

I don't say that to hurt you further, I say it to try and make you see that there is no alternative to leaving other than staying and damaging your children for life while you also lose more and more of yourself to his abuse.

Don't teach your children that this is what relationships are supposed to look like - the longer you stay, the more likely it is they will recreate this dynamic with their own partners as adults and I know that would break your heart.

You can make a new life for you and them, this place can be a great support in helping you plan how to do that. Women's aid can help you every step of the way.

When did you last call someone fat op? Or any other horrible put down designed just to cause pain?

Have you ever in your adult life?

It's not something a normal person would really ever think to do, is it?

So why do you think the problem lies with you?

I'd rather be fat than a shitty human being like your husband.

Stop tearing yourself apart over things that horrible people say. You are not to blame for it. And it is not your job to put up with it or to fix their shitty personality.

Start staking practical steps to get yourself free of him.

You need to protect your children from this abusive moron.
They will live a very difficult life and we psychologically affected by him.
You are in an abusive toxic relationship.
You deserve better.
Please leave or plan your escape with the help of women’s aid.
The average woman is a size 16 - given your emotional well being being with this arse hole you will struggle to lose weight.
You need to focus on you and the children.
Do you love this abuser?

OP please give yourself a break and stop comparing yourself to any other women you know.

Fwiw I’m a skinny mum and ya know what it doesn’t make me happy. I wake up exhausted at the arse crack of dawn and shovel porridge into a grumpy toddler just like every other mum. It’s not easier or more pleasant for being slim

Please don’t let your Ahole of a hubby make you feel less than because you happen to be a stone or two over ideal. It doesn’t matter! As long as you’re not morbidly obese to a point you’re risking not being around for your kids in 5 years then cut yourself some slack and do what you need to get through the next couple of years.

There will be time for healthy eating and getting in shape when your kids can sleep through the night and you’re running around with them on days out!

Fwiw I’m currently 36+4 with number 2 and due to being unwell my usually ‘works crazy hours does minimal childcare’ DH had to spend the last few months stepping into my shoes with DS.

He’s gained more weight so far this pregnancy than I have and has a newfound appreciation for childcare!

I do absolutely everything deal with kids cooking cleaning etc to point I'm in bed at 8pm after DD and also im back to work

@mummybear2918

I do absolutely everything deal with kids cooking cleaning etc to point I'm in bed at 8pm after DD and also im back to work

I just read your other threads - he is so abusive in so many ways that it would meet the threshold for police involvement.

For the sake of your children please please call womens aid and ask for their help making a safe plan to leave.

Him calling you fat obviously hurt but he has done things to you that could have killed you, is sexually coercive and abusive and has been violent and aggressive repeatedly in front of your terrified children.

I don't say that to hurt you further, I say it to try and make you see that there is no alternative to leaving other than staying and damaging your children for life while you also lose more and more of yourself to his abuse.

Don't teach your children that this is what relationships are supposed to look like - the longer you stay, the more likely it is they will recreate this dynamic with their own partners as adults and I know that would break your heart.

You can make a new life for you and them, this place can be a great support in helping you plan how to do that. Women's aid can help you every step of the way.

To paraphrase Churchill,

I can lose weight, but you'll always be an abusive arsehole.

Get your ducks in a row and start planning your escape.

I don’t think it would matter what size you were he is using this word to hurt you. He knows it will hurt and chose the words for that reason.

Take a good look at him and ask yourself do you want to be with someone like him in 5/10/50 years time. 50 years with such a cruel person?

Some shitbags use fat deliberately as they know it upsets (most) women especially after having children. It doesn’t matter if you are a size 6 or a size 26, the word fat is used to make you feel bad. He’s a arsehole. Your partner should make you feel good about yourself.

What an arse. Tell him he's not such a stud. I would not be able to stay with him after that.

Ask him where his six pack is! I wouldn’t take any notice of him, he sounds awful. I hope you find the strength to leave him.

I'm presuming you're married to a Brad Pitt lookalike?

I agree that some shitbags use "fat" as a deliberate insult to hurt women, but to me it seems like they're stuck twenty or thirty years ago as they haven't realised yet that nowadays lots of different body types are seen as desirable.

@wildeverose

This is really difficult. The way he's said this is cruel, however do you think he's trying to shock you into losing weight and is genuinely concerned? We obviously don't know what the relationship is like usually and whether this is out of character for him. Is he concerned for your health or just being a dick?

Why is there always one poster who says something like this? Who acts like a man being vile to his wife is justifiable if she is actually fat, as if concern over someone’s fatness is a legitimate reason to be cruel. There is always, always one poster who says ‘the way he did it is wrong but you being fat gives him an excuse’.

NO! Raise your standards and drop your fat shaming! Even if OP is fat (and she actually sounds like a normal size!) THIS ISN’T OK! Her husband isn’t ‘concerned’, he’s just being a cunt!

OP - your situation sounds almost similar to mine (my kids are the same age as yours). Except I'm happily single ! Being with a dick is NOT better than being alone, quite the opposite.
Fwiw I gained 20kg with each pregnancy. Lost the weight - you probably will too, but even if you don't, it won't make a difference because it really doesn't matter that much. Our bodies change as we grow older.

What WILL make a difference is living without that jerk who tries to emotionally manipulate you by knocking your confidence down.

I know it's easier said than done. But think about it. Reach out to people who can help you. Don't accept this because it will only get worse. If he sees it's working he'll keep doing it. Leaving him now will be infinitely easier and save you a world of pain.

Also a size 14-16 sounds very reasonable after 2 kids in quick succession.