Sorry in a rush before work but would really appreciate advise on how to support a friend.
I had thought that she must be in a coercively controlling relationshhip for a while and then on sat night she said the following to me for the first time -
- she has no independent access to any money
- he insists on sex every night, which she doesn't really want but enjoys by the end, she says
- he insists on holding her all night even though she doesn't sleep well
- he wakes her up every morning at about 4am to talk about his stresses
- he dismisses her emotions and never takes any boundaries seriously
- she has no hobbies or interests outside the hone and the only thing that she has autonomy over by her own admission is exercise and food intake
- she has 6 children and a very busy job which she is constantly encouraged by her h to progress in to reach a point of prestige despite h being extremely wealthy by inheritance meaning they do not need to work. She has literally nothing left to give to her kids or herself and its awful to see how her kids are suffering - all are anxious and underweight and I know there has been a history of social care referrals.
I have left a dv relationship and experienced cognitive dissonance and the worst time of my life leaving the relationship. I could see when I suggested things did not sound okay for her she was obviously defensive and while I tried to me tactful I was horrified by what she told me, including some of the behaviors her younger children at showing which are quite extreme, mainly becuase they are often unsupervised.
What impacts this as well is that her job involves being in a position of considerable authority in relation to the care of highly vulnerable children and young adults. I cannot say any futhett what her job is, of course.
I know that her professional life is none of my business so only saying for context that I think things are going very wrong for herself, her children and her decision making, as well as her judgement of risk.
What if anything can I do? I know listening ear, don't get involved, but I am really concerned that she has no idea she is clearly a financially and emotionally abusive relationship, potentially a sexually abusive relationship and in my experice of my own marriage if any resistance is presented this becomes verbal and physical abuse. Any advice welcomed.