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Original poster

Should I give my childhood sweet heart a second chance as an adult?

27 replies

CH94 · 23/05/2021 18:21

So.. At the age of 15 and 16 we met through a mutual friend, we met up, like each other a hell of a lot and ended up with me getting pregnant at just 16 BlushWe had our son and everything was bliss... Until he was cheating etc and we parted ways. After 9 months apart and seeing other people we decided to give things another go for our son... But we were still only 19 and 20 and broke up. After that time I moved away... He got into trouble. But now we are 26 and 27. We have spent a lot of time together over the last couple of years, even with our new partners, but now we are both single and leaning on each other once again for company and support. We have always got on like a house in fire.. And now everyone around us asks why we haven't questioned giving things one last try. He seems to have matured.. He seems a lot more sensible... But is this just a front?I was really against it due to the fact I'd been so heartbroken in the past.. But now I'm sat on the Internet asking you strangers for opinions in what I should do Confused haha. So... Can after 10+ years of being apart.. Can you start to redate your childhood sweet heart whom you share a child with? Or is it best left as a great friendship/Co-parentship

OP posts:
Fupoffyagrasshole · 23/05/2021 18:31

Impossible to Answer this only you know him and can decide what you want

Getting involved again risks it ending badly and then ruining your friendship and current good situation

But equally if it worked out it could be great especially for your son

TheThermalStair · 23/05/2021 18:36

He's cheated on you once, and clearly there was a reason you broke up a second time. Only you know whether that tells you any important info about what he's like as a partner. You say he then "got into trouble" which I'm assuming means some kind of crime? Meanwhile you've been raising your child who must now be around 10-11?

Honestly now your child is so much older I wouldn't be chancing it unless I was absolutely 100% sure and unless the reasons for the relationship ending before weren't either of your fault. I don't think being 19/20 is an excuse in itself, people don't change THAT much between that age and 27 in terms of fundamental personality.

spotcheck · 23/05/2021 18:39

Has he matured?

Is he taking responsibility for you your child? Including financial responsibility?
Is he iron clad reliable?
Does he treat you with respect, even when he is partnered up?
Does he put your child first?

Can you have difficult conversations with him?

Is he a ' grown up' in other areas? As in, does he have a good work ethic?

Have his recent relationships ended for reasons that may lead you to think he is a poor partner?

Can you keep things casual while you assess?

spotcheck · 23/05/2021 18:41

Oooh, yes the trouble thing....?

PandaLady · 23/05/2021 18:41

I wouldn't. There are so many men out there but only a tiny proportion who we are compatible with. Why waste time on one who you have found twice before you are incompatible with?

However, I could understand why you'd give it another chance and wouldn't judge.

HollowTalk · 23/05/2021 18:52

No. He's still only mid-twenties - he's cheated once and got into trouble. Of course he wants another chance. That's not a reason for you to give him one, though.

Donitta · 23/05/2021 18:57

He’s cheated on you. Do you really trust him not to do that again? I wouldn’t.

KingdomScrolls · 23/05/2021 19:07

Very difficult with that level of detail. DH and I have been friends since we met on the school bus, we had a little dalliance when we were about 16/17 (no baby, a few kisses at a gig and a festival), we both went off to uni had other relationships and got together when we were 25, now married DC etc, but there was no pain or dishonesty in our past, both a little immature and embarrassed in the sober light of day, and not willing to recognise the connection that everyone else saw. So I'm a believer in second attempts, but sometimes there is too much water under the bridge.

MadMadMadamMim · 23/05/2021 19:07

I don't think I would. I'm assuming you have a 10 year old child together, and his happiness comes above anything else.

If you "give it another go" and it all goes to shit again, then it's going to be really awful having to try and keep co-parenting with your ex. And your son will be gutted, having presumably got all his hopes up that Mum and Dad are back together and we're going to be one big happy family.

It's too much of a risk, particularly if you are civil and getting on well as friends. I would leave it.

user1471457751 · 23/05/2021 19:10

What kind of trouble was it? Because to me that implies he was breaking the law, and not just in getting a speeding ticket.

I think it would be really bad for your child. It sounds like it's been a bit up and down with their parent and could be worse if you split up

Original poster
CH94 · 23/05/2021 19:11

You know what... Looking at all these comments are reading other people's opinions has made me realise... Maybe it's best left in the past.

Yes our son is now 10 and he is pretty happy with the way things are at the moment.

I'd say matured as in.. Can communicate properly and a good dad but the trust in him relationship wise, I have none. And in all honesty.. I can't say I feel sexually attracted to him I just don't know if its clinging onto something that felt "special" because I was so young and in love. Maybe that's just supposed to be kept there and we can still hang around together as we do occasionally without it being anything romantic. Nothing has happened in 7+ years... So why start now?

OP posts:
Original poster
CH94 · 23/05/2021 19:12

And**

OP posts:
Original poster
CH94 · 23/05/2021 19:13

And yes trouble was drinking offences 🤦🏾‍♀️

OP posts:
Wiredforsound · 23/05/2021 19:13

What do you mean by ‘trouble’? Ate all the good biscuits in the biscuit tin or a cocaine fuelled bank heist with the local paedophile club? I think that would influence how I thought about him.

Wiredforsound · 23/05/2021 19:13

Sorry - cross post!

traumatisednoodle · 23/05/2021 19:14

FWB

Wiredforsound · 23/05/2021 19:16

If you’re not attracted to him by now then you’re never going to be. Do you want to live forever with someone you don’t want to shag?

habibihabibi · 23/05/2021 19:17

As in a one off drunk driving convinction or drinking and fighting reguarly?
Prison ?

TheThermalStair · 23/05/2021 19:20

@Wiredforsound

What do you mean by ‘trouble’? Ate all the good biscuits in the biscuit tin or a cocaine fuelled bank heist with the local paedophile club? I think that would influence how I thought about him.
Grin I enjoy this scale of "trouble"

@CH94 sounds like you're thinking clearly which is great.

If you don't fancy him much... is it just the romance of the idea that it was (eventually) meant to be? Or is he pushing something?

I do think it's incredibly hard to let go of strong emotions you had in your teens. I was thinking about my first kiss with first serious teen boyfriend the other day (came up in conversation, this isn't a daily obsession...) and I still remember how overwhelming the whole thing was. I don't think anything you feel as an adult however intense really compares, partly because it's less new, partly because your brain is probably working better and putting things in perspective!

I'd say if you and your son are happy now, I'd happily watch your ex go on to his next relationship and tell myself there is better out there for both of you (you and your son). You deserve someone you fancy, someone you trust, someone who hasn't got a criminal past ideally!!!

katy1213 · 23/05/2021 19:30

Nothing that you've said so far is selling him to me!
And I certainly wouldn't want a young boy to be looking up to a fun young father who's in and out of trouble as any kind of role model.

billy1966 · 23/05/2021 19:47

Nope.

You are so young.
Why would you go backwards with someone you aren't attracted to???

Definitely not.

Next!😁

Gamerlady · 23/05/2021 19:51

I personally wouldn't as he cheated on you in the past therefore no .. he hurt you once he will most likely hurt you again

HmmmmmmInteresting · 23/05/2021 19:52

So many red flags:

  1. they're exes for a reason
  2. he cheated on you. Leopards never change their spots and you taking him back basically says you'd take him back if he cheated
  3. He's 'got in trouble' (whatever that means)
  4. The most important reason not to go there is your 10 year old. Because he is his dad it will really affect him if you got together then broke up. And chances are you WILL break up. I just wouldn't go there.
HmmmmmmInteresting · 23/05/2021 19:53

I can't say I feel sexually attracted to him

Oh god ....just no!

PomegranateQueen · 23/05/2021 19:57

Don't do it!
If your son is happy with the way things are, why complicate things by giving him hope that his parents will stay together when there is a high chance that things will fail again. He is an ex for a reason, don't bring a cheater with a drinking problem back into your lives.

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