Man child/boy child refusing to accept it’s over

[andthecategoryis]

I have been with my boyfriend for four years and we have two children (3 and 1) as well as my older child. The relationship is over in my eyes, and I have told him this time and time again but he refuses to accept it. There is absolutely no way it can be fixed and I don’t want it to be. I could write pages and pages listing his wrongdoings but it’s irrelevant to the question I have.

Basically we are renting, we are joint tenants and my dad is the guarantor. I want him to move out but he refuses and puts on a nice guy act, which inevitably slips after I won’t play along and pretend we are Romeo and Juliet. I’ve tried telling him nicely, let him have time to find somewhere, let him know he can see the boys as much as he wants and so on, but he refuses to accept it. What can I do? I can’t afford to move elsewhere, and besides my eldest is settled in school here and we have some lovely playgroups around that my younger two love. When I am firm and say please just leave! He turns nasty, threatens all sorts and has caused issues with my family trying to turn them against me and isolate me. I can’t bear the horrible verbal attacks. This morning I said for the millionth time this needs to end and you need to leave and he put his fingers in his ears and starting going “la la la” - this is a 32 year old man.

Also I’ve read on here before that you can get 30 mins free with a solicitor. How do I go about this and is there even any point? Whatever I say to him he won’t leave and he claims that he has seen a solicitor himself who said I have no right to make him leave as he is a joint tenant. Is this true? If so what the hell do I do??

Can you ask your family to help you move out? It seems like you need to find somewhere else since he won’t leave

When does the tenancy end?

Private or social housing? Certainly with social housing you need to explain about the abusive relationship and ask of you can end the tenancy and sign up as a single tenant.

It’s a rolling tenancy so I could end it at anytime. The thing is I don’t really want to move as the boys are settled. My BF couldn’t afford to stay here on his own anyway so it seems a shame that everyone has to leave. Please understand I’ve tried everything to make this work but it’s over. There’s no going back and I don’t want the boys to live in a hostile environment which this has now become.

I'm really sorry he's being like this.

To be honest, I think you're going to have to move. Or perhaps could you end the tenancy by talking to the landlord? Then ask if you can take it over as a sole tenant?

Try talking to your landlord and get a fixed tenancy in your name only.

Like Marauder said, speak to your landlord, see if you can come to an agreement to take the bf off the tenancy.

Speak to the landlord and find out whether they will let to you on your own if you end the tenancy and sign a new solo tenancy the same day

I’m sure the landlord would agree to me taking on a single tenancy but how do I physically get him to leave? He’s adamant that he’s not leaving.

Can you and the dcs officially move out to family, speak to the landlord and say you would like to give notice for the joint tenancy, then sign a new tenancy once exP has moved out?

Have you looked for other properties in the area? Does your landlord own more than one, or if you are renting via a letting agency, they might know what's coming available that isn't right now.

You tell your Landlord what you want to do and that your stbx will probably kick up a fuss, if he could just bear with you.

You tellyour family they need to listen to you. That no mater what he has said tot hem, nomatter what they think of your decision it is your decision and you have made it.

Tell your dad he has 2 choices - he actively supports you and you and his grandkids stay in the house he is guarantor for or he takes a step back and suddenly becomes guarantor to your stbx who cannot afford the house and see his grandkids uprooted until you can find somehwere else to live.

You get all the financial ducks in a row and then you hand your notice in in the house and sign up for the new tenancy.

Talk to a solicitor, CA, Shelter etc and get the legalities staright in your head and on paper.

Tell your stbx that his right to live in the house ends on X date and that you will be seeinghim physically removed if he doesn't go of his own accord, have your dad and anyine elese you can with you at the time and tell him plainly, he has no choice, you no longer want to live with him, be in a relationship with him, it is over! Email and text him to confirm the dates.

On the date call the police and have him removed if he has not gone quietly. Don't listen when they tell you it is a civil matter, they have had the power to remove for years now!

He is relying on you being too scared to force anything, to make this public. So go ahead, make it public, take the steps you need to!

@CuriousaboutSamphire - this sounds the perfect outicome. Thanks to everyone who has responded. It’s really appreciated as I’m at a loss as to what more I can do., I know my dad will continue to be guarantor for me. My family are all aware of how much he has tried to manipulate the situation. I’ll contact the landlord tomorrow.

Yes, once you've got the tenancy restarted in your sole name; ring the police and report him as trespassing. Change the locks if you're allowed

You can change the locks - it's a bit of grey area but in your position would be fine. Either your landlord will be agree and he can tell you how many keys he wants. Or you can replace the old lock when you leave!

As you are on a rolling tenancy and not fixed term you can end the tenancy at any time by giving notice. He doesn’t have to agree, once it’s served it applies for both of you. You can arrange with the landlord directly to start a new tenancy in your name only. Shelter will give great advice for free about this.

This is the advice from the shelter website “ Ending a periodic tenancy
A periodic tenancy is ended differently to a fixed term tenancy. You won't need your ex's agreement to end it, and you'll no longer be liable for rent once your notice expires.

However, if one of you ends the tenancy it means that the other joint tenant no longer has the right to live there. They'll have to leave unless they can agree a new contract with the landlord.”

Make sure your dad doesn’t remain guarantor after you move out - or he could end up on the hook for your boyfriend’s arrears. He needs to write to the agent and withdraw his guarantee.

I'd move.

Once you have the tenancy in your sole name change the locks.

As you are on a rolling tenancy and not fixed term you can end the tenancy at any time by giving notice. Not quite, it has to be ended in line with the usual 'end of period' date, usually the rent payment day. And a month's notice is all a tenant has to give.

@SimonedeBeauvoirscat

Make sure your dad doesn’t remain guarantor after you move out - or he could end up on the hook for your boyfriend’s arrears. He needs to write to the agent and withdraw his guarantee.

Once the tenancy is ended so is the guarantor liability. So OPs dad would have to do it again for her new tenancy, whether on the current house or not. Usual caveat, and the paperwork needs to be checked.

Thanks so much to everyone who has responded. It’s now clear to me that my next move is to speak with my landlord and hope he is willing to let me take on a new tenancy in my name only I cant see that he would have an issue with that. If it comes to it I will have to get the police involved if stbxbf still refuses to budge.

@CuriousaboutSamphire No, I was right, you can give notice at any time. You still have to serve your minimum notice period per the terms of your agreement but you can give the physical notice at anytime. There is no set date you must give it.

Best to check your tenancy agreement though, the ones I write don’t require notices to end on an arbitrary date, just four weeks.

You've been given good advice.
Make sure to keep silent about everything until you have the new tenancy in your name.