A few months ago my relationship ended. Things werent going well. We had an argument and I said I needed space. He said if he left that would be it. I said 'fine' so he left and I never heard from him again.
I found this really difficult to deal with, the way it ended so suddenly like that and the way he just cut me off. I text and called a few times but he never replied.
Last night I went out for drinks with some friends. I rarely drink so after a few I was feeling pretty tipsy. (Absolutely no excuse for whats to follow) I went the toilet and when I came out he was standing there in the corridor!!
He came over and said he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't stay away. He's tried but he can't and he loves me. Then we were kissing and he was telling me how much he's missed me and what he wants to do to me. I wanted him so much. His familiar smell, his touch, it all came flooding back. Then suddenly his friend was there pulling him away, telling him to get off me. His friend dragged him away and they were arguing. I was in shock/confused/drunk and just stood there crying like a d*ck.
His friend came back and said he'd drive me home if I wanted. I didn't want to go back to join my friends so I agreed. In the car X called him. I could hear he was asking if I was ok. I started shouting that I wasn't ok and getting upset. I was telling his friend to stop the car and let me out. I'm really not proud of how I behaved. I know I was acting like a child. This is the crazy side of me that he seems to provoke. We got to mine and I said i needed to see X and I started pouring shots of tequilla saying I was going to keep drinking them until X came. His friend said X wasn't coming. He was trying to take the drinks away and kept telling me to relax and calm down. I was crying, saying I wanted X. He was trying to get me to go to bed but I was pushing him away yelling at him not to touch me and to get out my house. He said he wasn't going until I'd calmed down. I think he must have called X in the end because then he turned up. I went running into his arms and I remember I felt such relief that he was there. Nothing happened between us, we didn't even talk. I just curled up on his lap on the sofa and he was stroking my hair in the way he does/did ðŸ˜. I guess I fell asleep. I woke up this morning by myself on the sofa with a blanket over me and a massive hole in my heart.
He's left a note saying he's sorry that he did that last night. He meant what he said that he does still love me and miss me and it has been really hard for him not to contact me. But he needed it to be a clean break for both our sakes because we both know we couldn't carry on how we were and we couldn't continue to hurt each other the way we were doing. He said he's sorry he was being selfish and fucked it up last night but still needs no contact. He hopes one day we will get to the point where we are able to be friends because he can't imagine the rest of his life without me in it.
So now all the feelings that were starting to fade a bit are back, magnified by 100% and it's like he's broken up with me all over again. I can't go through this again. I'm so sad. 😥