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Original poster

Would you work for a new partner?

16 replies

suchatwat · 23/05/2021 11:14

Hi I am in a very happy relationship with a great man for 18 months, we don't live together . He has his own company and is a bit of a workaholic. Recently my own job has been going through many changes and it is very stressful, out of the blue he asked if I wanted to be his PA (a job I had for 6 years previously) as he is steadily getting busier. We are very much in love and late 50's both been married before, I am so tempted but I don't want anything to impact our relationship if we can't work together. All advice welcome x

OP posts:
user11838686969686 · 23/05/2021 11:16

That would create a huge power imbalance.

NoBetterthanSheShouldBe · 23/05/2021 11:17

I wouldn’t. Worked for an XH for a short time and massively resented being subordinate, possibly because he treated me that way at home too.

OrchestraOfWankery · 23/05/2021 11:19

I wouldn't. This could get messy very quickly.

Keep your love life and your work life separate.

You say he's a workaholic? He would probably expect you to live to work- rather than work to live- too.

Being 'in love' with your boss? Nah.

Tk5787338 · 23/05/2021 11:20

I wouldn’t; what happens if you split? I love DH to bits but I could not spend all day with him or hack him telling me what to do which is the reality with a boss

Sandra15 · 23/05/2021 11:26

No. In a word.

I once turned down a job where I found out that I would have to manage two women, both of whom were married to the two directors of the company. It would have been impossible. And the guy who interviewed me also asked me if I planned to have children!

Rainbowqueeen · 23/05/2021 11:33

No.

If your relationship is a happy one don’t rock the boat. By all means look for a new job but not for your partner. It will totally change the dynamics.
You don’t want to be left with no job and no partner.

Original poster
suchatwat · 23/05/2021 11:37

Thanks for all your replies x I did think about the dynamics changing the relationship and putting all my eggs in one basket, think I just wanted to get away from the stress at my job now. Looking for a new job elsewhere makes more sense

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 23/05/2021 11:39

Fuck no! Terrible idea!

He will spend 8hrs a day (or more, by the sounds of it) telling you what to do. Do you really think that dynamic is not going to bleed through into your relationship? That shit is insidious.

premium77 · 23/05/2021 11:39

No. I wouldn’t even work for my husband. Imbalance of power but also mixing the stress of work and personal life.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 23/05/2021 11:40

Cross Post, glad to hear it!

Maybe he could reach out to his business contacts and see if anyone is in the market for a PA role though? A personal recommendation can open a lot of doors.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 23/05/2021 11:41

Sweet Lord no. Waaaaaaay too much potential to end up both jobless and split.

I wouldn't even do it for DH and we've been together 17 years and have spent 24/7 together travelling. It would mean we'd never truly have "off" time together and change the power dynamic in unpleasant ways.

Much, much, much better for him to get his own PA and you get your own other job.

partyatthepalace · 23/05/2021 11:46

Not if there is any other choice at all, no.

Nietzschethehiker · 23/05/2021 11:55

Not with a new partner no. I've worked with DP and he has worked for me. We were set up really well for it as we met at work. We understood the rules and boundaries and were very careful about separating the two.

All that said if I'm honest I'm relieved we both decided to specialise in separate parts because although it was fine I wouldn't want to do it again.

Even when it works it can be stressful.

seensome · 23/05/2021 12:01

I started working for my exh after years of marriage, it was a disaster, I didn't agree with how he was running it which caused us big arguments and he used me really for cheap labour, paying others more than me and my own business was suffering, much happier I'm out of it. I wouldn't ever do it again.

randomkey123 · 23/05/2021 12:07

I work with DH and I think we only manage it because we have a very strong 28 year marriage behind us. There are many times I've wanted to tell him to fuck off, do it himself and had to bite my tongue. And work does come home too, no matter how hard you try for it not to.

In a new relationship? Not a cat in hells chance. And if it ends, you're not want to going to work together.

AnxiousWreckAgain · 23/05/2021 12:17

No. And I do employ my husband... but we’ve been together for a long time and met at work; so we’ve got most things sorted through experience.

In a new relationship, not a chance.

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