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Original poster

What would you do?

7 replies

Blueicez · 23/05/2021 10:48

Last year I met someone. We became really good friends. Fell for eachother. It was a feeling of I've never felt this way before. It was like we were meant to meet. We clicked and that was that.

The only issue was he was a little bit bruised still from his past. He had gone through a destructive couple of years a few years back. Everything got too much. He couldn't cope. This ruined his long term relationship of 8 years. He met me 18 months after the split. We talked about it and he's over her but I think the issue is he's afraid of being with someone again to they extent. He wants to be loved and love but he has lived alone for 2 years now and I think he feels wary of this changing.

We were not anywhere near the point of anything serious like moving in! But I. February he kinda went through a panic stage he ran for the hills. He's abit of a flirt on Facebook. Not with many people. But he will sometimes like photos of women he finds attractive. But I think this was him still figuring things out too?

We've not spoken for 3 months almost. But he did get back in touch last week. I was wary. He sort of built up conversation over the last few days and Friday night he was a right chatterbox. He called me yesterday and we chatted away about life. He said to me this time away from me he has missed me. He said all he's been doing is working and it's like groundhog Day. But he was saying to himself last week before adding me again that you was meant to meet that girl for a reason. He said it was just hard as we were getting to know eachother last year and he thinks getting to know eachother was why we misunderstood eachother sometjmes which caused little rows.
I said to him that I wanted him to stay my friend and I've missed him because I have! We had some great conversation and laughs.

He said to me on the first day we spoke he was single and didn't want a relationship when I asked if he had been dating or getting to know anyone since we stopped speaking. But then yesterday he was saying we need to meet and spend time together if id like to. He said not just for sex but we should meet to talk and things too.

The thing is I love him and I always have. But I don't want to get hurt again. I'm not really sure what hes looking for and I don't want to ask him and be too heavy at this stage because it's just off putting isn't it. But if he is happy not being in a relationship then I don't see much point getting close if there no real future.

As I say I'm not in a rush and I am not looking for marriage. But he kinda let me down when he went away

Torn between loving him and thinking don't go back there.

What would you do?

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/05/2021 11:01

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?

You met this person during a pandemic and these are strange times we live in. Why do you state you love him; people who love each other really do not treat others like you have been by him. Why are your boundaries here so poor?.

I would block all ways of he being able to contact you. You do not need him and his baggage.

I would also be wondering why he decided to get back in touch with you after three months of not speaking to you. This is not a man you should at all be involved with. He has more issues than Vogue.

Do not further be or act as his unpaid therapist or fallback girl here. Do read the website called Baggage Reclaim.

premium77 · 23/05/2021 11:04

‘I’m not really sure what he’s looking for’

‘He said he is single and doesn’t want a relationship’.

It’s clear as day. You want more, he doesn’t.

I think you’re just hurting yourself by going back there. He knows you wanted a relationship, so the decent thing to do if he came back is to say I’m willing to try or not come back at all. Plus he was flirting to other women. He doesn’t respect you.

As hard as it might be to hear I think you’re more into him than he is you.

Find someone you deserve.

Jonjojobs123 · 23/05/2021 11:05

I think if i'm honest its the old adage 'He's just not that into you'. We convince ourselves in situations like this that they are tormented and want to be with us but the timing isn't right or there past is stopping them. I've been there, i've been strung along. I loved deeply and it hurt deeply. He used to say if only i'd met you in a years time etc etc truth be told i think men just aren't that complicated they either like you or they don't like you enough. We look for any glimmer or sign and read far too much into it. I think he probably does like you but just not enough and he's filling a gap. The guy i wasted a long time on married the girl he met straight after me, he was no longer tortured 🤪. In the same respect my husband when i met him he'd had a bad divorce 2 yrs previously very hurt with ds and had been in non stop relationships since splitting from his first wife, all lasting 2-6 months. He split with the girl before he met me 2 weeks previous to us meeting and I remember she was heart broken when she found out i was dating him as she was convinced they had something and he had said the whole its just not the right time i can't be in a long term relationship because ive been so let down etc which he did feel. But on meeting me it was just different, we were living together within 4 months and had bought a house within a year. Married with kids shortly after. Obviously this may not be the case with your fella xxx

jannyapple · 23/05/2021 11:06

I agree with @AttilaTheMeerkat
Run ... wants his cake and eat it
Keeping options open
Been burned and would now rather just play the field .. flirt on fb
Childlike
Find a mature open honest man who you build a friendship with
Leave the L word out of it
Good luck OP 💐

PaperMoonshine · 23/05/2021 12:41

Last year I met someone. We became really good friends. Fell for eachother. It was a feeling of I've never felt this way before. It was like we were meant to meet. We clicked and that was that.

Literally every word of the rest of your post contradicts this opening paragraph.

Opentooffers · 23/05/2021 13:10

Did his 'destructive phase' involve any infidelity on his part by any chance? Maybe you could check on that rather than going by what he says.
You might have met a man that with never settle, always one foot out the door. I've met one of these dispite having had a 22 year relationship previously ( with dabbles on the side so it proves nothing). We got on great, he doesn't behave like that now - except after signs he did, he's now an ex . Don't go back, you'll get the same result .

Sunflower1970 · 24/05/2021 23:15

He’s a flirt on FB. Says everything you need to know. Avoid

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