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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He has been really off?

9 replies

Alexascmexa · 23/05/2021 07:33

So I’m posting for advice because I’m not sure what to do.
I’m also not sure how much information I should post should it be identified but I’ll try my best.

So me and boyfriend of 2 years have recently been going through some hard times. These past few months he’s really been making an effort again. I genuinely thought we we’re moving forward in the right way. Then about 3 weeks ago he went cold again, he told me it had nothing to do with me. He’s going through some things, so I gave him some space, let him know I’m there for him.

He eventually told me what was wrong with him, it was something that would change his life but better our relationship. So anyway that happened and he found it difficult, again I gave him his space. The other day he came round mine for dinner and to stay. We slept together but he still fell off. In the morning he kind of expressed he’s finding it hard. He told me it was pointless me being around right now and to not say anything because no doubt I will say something retarded. I was so shocked he even said that, I went upstairs to cry? Not sure why just made me feel really shitty because I’ve been trying.

I told him he was extremely rude, he told me to not be dramatic and it ended in an argument. He said I make everything about me, but I’ve only ever been supportive? We now haven’t spoken for a couple of days. I was going to get in touch to explain how he upset me but I feel like I’ve done a lot of the emotional labour? We do have a child together

OP posts:
LeafBeetle · 23/05/2021 07:36

That was a horrendous thing to say and shows a complete lack of respect for you. So it's ok for him to come over and sleep with you but not ok for you to (shock horror) say anything? (Not to mention the awful word he used.)

It does sound like he's having a tough time. If this is completely out of character I guess you could keep trying. Is it?

Alexascmexa · 23/05/2021 07:40

It made me feel not good enough? Like I was only trying to offer him solutions. He is having a tough time I agree, but why is the tough time not so tough for us to have sexual, but you can’t have a conversation with me in the day? I feel a bit used and idiot to keep trying

OP posts:
NotaCoolMum · 23/05/2021 08:59

Having a “tough time” is no excuse for shitty behaviour. Hope you’re ok op 💐

OrchestraOfWankery · 23/05/2021 09:06

@Alexascmexa

It made me feel not good enough? Like I was only trying to offer him solutions. He is having a tough time I agree, but why is the tough time not so tough for us to have sexual, but you can’t have a conversation with me in the day? I feel a bit used and idiot to keep trying
Hold on to those thoughts. Good enough to shag but not good enough to talk to?

No thanks!

seensome · 23/05/2021 09:11

He doesn't want a relationship with you but having a tough time to actually tell you that but he'll shag you while you hold out hope.
What a knob just bin him off

WildfirePonie · 23/05/2021 09:14

Sounds like you don't live together?

AtrociousCircumstance · 23/05/2021 09:17

God he sounds like a a self-obsessed, whining, toxic waste of time. And for him to use the r word shows what a prick he is. He was abusive to you and you are being jerked around by his whims and emotions.

Dump him.

Alexascmexa · 23/05/2021 09:17

Yeah we don’t live together. I think he’s hoping I do just bin him off and that’s exactly why I haven’t even said anything to him.

But literally a few weeks ago he was making such an effort, I’m not sure what changed.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 23/05/2021 09:21

You wouldn’t be ending it for him, you’d be ending it because you need to move on with your life without it being fouled up by him.

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