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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling so very sad

32 replies

Meandmyboy99 · 23/05/2021 00:29

A few days ago I met up with an ex. We were never really together “properly “ due to our circumstances but he was really the first person I really loved. We lost touch for years and then started messaging about 3 years ago. Messages were quite sporadic and he was with someone else. Last year he and his girlfriend split up and the messages became more frequent but nothing flirty or any suggestions of us getting together.
Last week we met up for a drink, it went well despite nerves. But I feel so low since. He made it clear he doesn’t want a relationship, and doesn’t know what the future holds in terms of work or where he’ll live. I feel so bad, like it’s brought back all those old feelings. Maybe secretly I wanted him to suggest we started seeing each other, I’m just not sure. Maybe it’s feelings of rejection coming back. I think I just need to completely cut contact or certainly not initiate it again.

OP posts:
Meandmyboy99 · 23/05/2021 16:09

@Imjustsootired thank you. I think you’ve completely hit the nail on the head about acceptance and moving on. The feelings probably were buried as they just had to be.
I’m going to try really hard not to contact him but will probably need to keep popping back on here for support for a little while.

OP posts:
Meandmyboy99 · 24/05/2021 16:18

Well I’ve not heard from him since meeting up and I’ve resisted the temptation to contact him. Felt so tearful today. I just can’t believe it, I had no idea it could make me feel so bad after all this time. 😢

OP posts:
billy1966 · 24/05/2021 16:28

Ah you poor thing.
Your heart is bruised.
That's ok.

Just try and remind yourself of the bigger picture and what that is..

You are never going to get what you want from him because he doesn't have it to give to you.

It's painful, its embarrassing, its humiliating, but it's the truth.

Most people experience this in life and it is shit.

The thing is NOT to let it become something that derails this one life you have.

Set yourself a time limit of a few days, a week of mourning and then promise yourself you are going to move on, because that is what is best for YOU.

Flowers
Meandmyboy99 · 24/05/2021 16:39

@billy1966 thank you 😊 I know it’s just so hard - some of the things he said indicated he really liked me but I guess if he wanted to take things further, he’d be in touch ..

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 26/05/2021 10:52

I think the thing to remember is, that this feeling - this horrible rejected feeling following vague confused hopes - is what he has to offer you. This is the thing he can give you, this horrible insecurity and rejection. He doesn’t have anything beautiful or true to give you and never did. It may be helpful to know this and feel resolved about moving on.

You’re lovable and have love to give and have a positive future full of possibilities, without him.

Meandmyboy99 · 26/05/2021 11:12

@AtrociousCircumstance thank you so much for your reply. I know you’re right and I’m doing well - still not contacted him 👍

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 26/05/2021 11:32

Good stuff OP Smile

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