When you finally establish healthy boundaries and value yourself...

[Schnapps17]

You begin piss a lot of people off. You also can the respect of others. Anyone else noticed this?

Yes! They resent that the convenient former doormat you is now saying no!

They'll adjust in time. Or not. But your boundaries should stay either way.

@madroid Yes! I feel so much better now that I'm realising what I will and will not tolerate in all of my relationships. I no longer drained.

I've figured that most people project, so when you have clear boundaries and fully value and accept yourself for who you are, many people recoil and think it's because I'm a self-centred bitch.

I lost myself being a doormat. As years went by I became threadbare. Never again!

Yes. I've found this recently. I've gone grey rock, I have become more decisive and I don't budge easily now.

You definitely attract and maybe repel different types of people

My ExH has sent text after text today pushing my new boundaries. He didn't win so I'm unreasonable 🙄

Absolutely! It's great isn't it

I only managed to get proper boundaries and self worth when I was in my 40's and yes I piss a lot of people off especially my mother my now ex husband and my toxic sister who hate that I'm not a gullible doormat any more

Yes!

@DDIJ

I have definitely experienced this. I have tried to buid up my self esteem a little bit and my dad has been saying I think I'm something special and making more jibes about my appearance.

Your dad doesn't like it because you won't play the part he has assigned for you

I was thinking about starting a thread on this. I’m totally burnt out and kept hearing I needed to start looking after myself and taking control (from various people). So I did, took a tiny bit of control of my time and it did not go well. I was trying to build up piece by piece but I think maybe I have to go all at once. Except I’m exhausted and have no self esteem.

@DDIJ

I have definitely experienced this. I have tried to buid up my self esteem a little bit and my dad has been saying I think I'm something special and making more jibes about my appearance.

Laugh in his face and then kiss your own biceps, you know the gesture

Yes!

I've found it does mean that some people won't be in your life much longer (either because they removed themselves or you did) as they refuse to accept them.

I like this quote:

I would rather adjust to your absence than adjust my boundaries to accommodate your disrespect.

It may mean for a while it feels a bit lonely but in the long run you're more likely to have more people in your life who have good healthy boundaries, and respect yours, so end up with more fulfilling relationships.

I should imagine that its harder to do so with people who are used to the old you.
I’ve always had strong boundaries so I don’t piss people off —that I know of— but that’s maybe because reasonable people see those boundaries and still want to be around me.

So keep those boundaries. Those worth knowing will stick around. The others meh, they are no loss if they can’t accept you knowing your self worth.

@DDIJ

I have definitely experienced this. I have tried to buid up my self esteem a little bit and my dad has been saying I think I'm something special and making more jibes about my appearance.

Just agree with him and laugh. “Of course I’m something special”

“I know, I’m gorgeous” - tinkly laugh.

Have definitely experienced this and it's so revealing. But it is also quite empowering and sort of exciting to be able to look after yourself properly and not operate as doormat/ punchbag.

Oh yes indeed. I've had to find an entirely new set of friends but it's worth it.

After leaving a DV marriage I've grown to care about myself so much. Nobody knows how hard I fought for this. They are some who think I'm a bit cocky, vain, think I'm 'all that'. That's not the case.. I've become grateful for my one life.

@Schnapps17 The ones that get pissed if do not matter.
The ones that matter will respect your boundaries.

OP I want to know how you’ve done it. I’m tired of being a doormat. Have tried this year to start expecting more from my marriage and am now on the precipice of a divorce (have posted on this board today about it - about being verbally abused)