I think I need to walk away -need someone to kick my arse into gear.

[Redwineandcrisps]

I’ve been seeing someone for 6 months, we work together but it’s long distance.

He has been living with his ex the whole time but apparently split up - spending weeks working away and alternative weekends with me when he wasn’t with his kids. She found my clothes in his laundry a few weeks ago and has absolutely blown up, which has shown me that they were perhaps not as split up as he had told me.

Since then, he’s gone utterly awol on me. He says he has to deal with her, that he’s having a nervous breakdown and I’m making it worse. That I’m not supporting him because I’m not giving him space to deal with ex.

I’m a mess! I know I need to back off, I’m so angry and let down. I need to not text him. How do I have the willpower? He’s SO angry, with life - with me. He told me to go fuck my self, which was a huge shock - but then he is full of I love yous the rest of the time. He says he wants to marry me and have children with me. I can’t reconcile the 2 versions of him?

I had a miscarriage 2 months ago, snd it destroyed me. I don’t know if that’s why I’m struggling so much to back off - why am I allowing myself to be treated so badly?

Please help, I need some words to make me stay away from him.

Whooa! He told you to go fuck yourself? And you're chasing him?

He's still living with his wife? And you're still chasing him?

Mc's can erode your confidence and of course make you sad and down. I think you need to shift your focus on to you. What do you want to do with your life? What would you like to do for some good times? (That don't involve him)

I think you need to build up yourself and your life and leave him to sort out his or have a breakdown or whatever. Life's too short to get sucked up into someone else's hurtful drama.

Sounds like he was still in a relationship and you were the OW.
Or, in his mind he was broken up from her, but he neglected to tell her that.
He might have duped both of you at the same time and it made his little dick hard with excitement.
Yuck.
Sorry! Just grieve for 24 hours and then erase him from your mind.

The rational part of my head is literally screaming at me wondering what the hell im doing. The other part of me is so sad and wants to try fix things.

Seriously, why am I so pathetic?

He says he told her 6 months ago they were over, but they agreed no other people and so this is why she’s so angry. She’s now blackmailing him over his business as she’s a director on it, so I do understand why he’s stressed. Whenever I struggle though, he says I’m making it all about me.

I am embarrassed as everyone at work has found out when I lost the baby, and it was a big scandal as he is a director.

I don’t know what to do for the best any more!

You are not pathetic!!!
You were led to believe one thing by him, when something else was true.
He messed with your reality.

This is so hard :( don’t be too hard on yourself as I’m sure your emotions are all over the place.

How’s it been left?

Have you ever looked up your attachement style? Research the anxious/avoidance trap, that could explain why you’re finding it really difficult to be rational with the whole thing,

Regardless of what happens this whole “you’re making it all about you” malarkey needs to be nipped in the bud.. old habits die hard - if you let him away with it now he’ll think it’s ok.

Try keep busy and get the girls round to cheer you up xxx

To be honest - hearing that he's your boss isn't really a surprise. It's a bit of a cliche isn't it.

Relationships should be equal, respectful and enjoyable. It's that simple. Does the relationship bring you joy, comfort, peace? What do you actually get out of it? really?

Are so attracted to the idea of a nice relationship and man in your life that you haven't really thought about if this one measures up?

Don't settle for massive compromises, they'll make you miserable in the long run. Value yourself and your life. You only get to live it once.

You know you need to leave this situation, he's a liar, stop talking to him apart from work then look to change jobs for a clean slate quite honestly.

Walk away. He has treated you awfully and it won't get better. He made is mess, let him sort out it out.

You call her the "ex" but are they married? With the business and work situation, this has the potential to implode. And you will take the worst of it if you are not careful.

Walk away, look for another job. Take control and take yourself out of this mess.