I told him I love him. But he didn't say it back.

[Livinginchaos]

Been seeing someone for 6 months. Its been amazing. I told him last week that I love him. He didn't say it back. I don't know where to go from here. My brain tells me it's fine. Its good that he didn't say it when he didn't mean it. Nothing has changed really. I am sure he cares about me. But my heart is crushed. My ego is sorely bruised. And I feel vulnerable and exposed.

Has this happened to anyone else? How did you move on?

My now DH said it 2 months before I was ready to. He was fine with that, when I did feel it, I said it - and from then I knew we'd be married. The lack of pressure, the feeling that I didn't have to "conform" had made me feel so comfortable in his presence that I could not imagine him not being there. ...

just wait... if it is something he feels he'll let you know.

He'll say it when he's ready. It's much worse for him to lie and tell you he does when he doesn't. It took my DH a full year to say I love you, but I was happy as I knew he full on meant it.

you feel all those things because loving someone does make you a bit vulnerable. Its still an overreaction of course. someones always gonna feel it first and then the other one feels all awkward.
Was he kind about it? Do you think hes heading in the love direction too?

I mean it depends. Listen 20 years ago I said to my then boyfriend who didn’t bat an eyelid and didn’t say it back. But he made it very clear he liked me a lot, was in general a good boyfriend (aside from being a pretentious 21 year old). My ego was a bit bruised but he never once made me feel like I wasn’t important. He said it to me a few months later- we have been married twenty years and actually in every day life he says it much more often than I do.

I agree with others that you don’t need to say it at the same time. However, if I’m honest, by 6 months i would be concerned if he didn’t say it back.

What did he do? Did he acknowledge it in another way? Or ignore it?

He asked me if I am sure. I nodded. He hugged me tight. Nothing else said.

He is a kind and genuine man. I don't want him to say it if he doesn't mean it. I am nearly 50 and have never been loved. Been in long relationships with 2 men in my time, who said they loved me. But I know now that they didn't. I have never been loved so I think it hurts a little more. I do feel unlovable deep down, to be honest.

I'm in a similar position. I've not loved or been loved either. I've had one ltr and love didn't feature. Otherwise, I've never had a relationship last more than 3 months before ending it. Or at least knowing that I would end it when I was ready. I've not loved any of them.

I'm 46 now. I can't see love ever happening for me now but, if I ever told anyone I loved them now, I'd see being capable of that as a gift I was giving to myself rather than something I needed to hear back.

I wouldn't feel embarrassed or vulnerable but that's because I'm really pragmatic about it all now.

If he hugged you, I'd say that's a pretty good sign. But what do I know! 😆

Lol I said this once to an ex after 6 months, he said "If I was going to love anyone, it would be you" . So, I kinda brushed it under the carpet and never said it again. He did - like a faint whisper during sex, I heard it, pretended I hadn't and didn't qualify to my mind as it doesn't count if said in throes of passion IME. He said it again when out on NYE, there was alcohol involved, we split up an hour later . I think what this shows is that words don't mean a whole lot really, and the context and the situation it's said in can make it mean very little indeed.
Actions are what counts, if he's loving towards you, that's great. I'm a bit loath to say it first these days. I think too much emphasis can be put on words.
Just carry on as you were, don't say it again unless he does - at which point, I'd be tempted to lean in with a lingering kiss rather than giving an answer, because I'm cheeky and like to give back a dose of their own.
I get it makes you feel vulnerable, and when it's not instantly reciprocated, you're kinda left feeling stupid for a bit. If he behaves the same way after it's a good sign generally. If he starts pulling away, it's a sign that he doesn't think he'll ever feel that way about you, not just that he need longer to get there. The embarrassment will wear off, resist rehashing the moment with him though.

He might just be tongue-tied. Give him a while to find the words. Stay hopeful! You love him and he sounds nice - there's no reason to be frightened other than feeling exposed.

I don't say it, I feel it but it's just words, over used words at that. I know how we feel and actions speak far louder! I cant ever imagine being apart from you meant far more to me than that four letter word that my exh muttered after 5 days.

Thank you wise mumsnetters. Thank you. You speak a lot of sense. And I still feel stupid and embarrassed, but I feel it's a bit more in perspective now!

The worst thing would be if he had said it back and not meant it. I don't ever want that to happen again. So it's not a bad thing really.

@PaperMoonshine

I'm in a similar position. I've not loved or been loved either. I've had one ltr and love didn't feature. Otherwise, I've never had a relationship last more than 3 months before ending it. Or at least knowing that I would end it when I was ready. I've not loved any of them.

I'm 46 now. I can't see love ever happening for me now but, if I ever told anyone I loved them now, I'd see being capable of that as a gift I was giving to myself rather than something I needed to hear back.

I wouldn't feel embarrassed or vulnerable but that's because I'm really pragmatic about it all now.

"... a gift i was giving to myself rather than something I needed to hear back"

I like this. Thank you paper

I told my now DH that I loved him when we had been together about 6 months. He told me he was really happy and enjoying being together, but he wasn't sure if it was love for him yet. We were young and having fun and that was totally fine with me. I did love him though and wanted him to know. I knew he could fall in love with me so I waited it out. By about a year he told me he loved me and at 2 years he was the one to tell me that he thought we would be together forever.

This happened to me before at 8 months. I felt all of what you describe. I started wondering if the relationship had any future.

The next time I saw him he told me he did love me. He said I'd taken him by surprise and when he had thought about it he realised he did. He was also the kind of man that wasn't very expressive verbally but in actions.

Did he say anything at all OP?