Ducks in a row. What do I do? What did you do?

[AndMILMakesThree]

As per username. I cannot carry on with his overbearing mother.
I go from thinking, stop thinking about the future and stand back and look at things in perspective, then feeling an utter sense of despair and
I just feel like I want to leave.

Okay, what do I need as far as getting my ducks in a row, if I go?
I need a list.

For background:
Mortgage paid off and house in both names, married.
Both in 50s, no kids. Both work part time, pensions and savings accounts, no debts, which is good, but…..

First to find somewhere to live, going to be hard.
Could I go and live in a hotel for a while until I find somewhere?

Bank account, if I live in a hotel, could I use the hotels address to set up a current account to have my wages put in?
It’s in case I don’t get any help, or he makes things difficult.
What do I do?
What did you do?
Any advise would be appreciated.

Sorry if not making any sense, my head is aching and I’m stressed.

Phone Women's Aid. Immediately.

I would see if any friends could help you for a bit until you find somewhere to live. Get all your paperwork together to take with you including passports and financial stuff. Speak to a solicitor. Woman's aid would be a good idea as well.

Does his mother live with you, I think your situation sounds ok financially, are you worried about the financial fight if you divorce?

Talking to Womens Aid sounds like a good idea, unless you feel you are in imediate danger from any abuse.

Good luck, you sound like your at the end of your tether.

There's no reason why you can't set up a bank account for yourself at your own home address.

Do you anticipate he'd slow down the house selling process?

Set up a bank account at your current address- but ensure all communications are digital.

Review all your other accounts - bank, pension legal, insuance, mobile etc. can you access all online? Are passwords up to date? Can to change all comms to digits only?

Also, make sure to take and store safely pictures of all your important documents.

Review any relevant insurances if you chose to stay elsewhere; such as car insurance or items insurance for anything such as a bike or jewellery.

When you get your ducks in a row it means you are not leaving within a few weeks so you have time to plan.

As long as you are safe you should stay in your home for now while you get some things sorted.

Where do your wages go currently?
You can open bank accounts online and you used to be able to request cards be sent to a branch- useful for those in block of flats or fleeing DV.

Whose name(s) are the savings in?
If in his only then you need to get copies of paperwork and also see if you can persuade him to give you half before you leave in case he spends/hides it.
Maybe blame the £85k compensation limit or say that if he died and all accounts are in his name you wouldn't be able to access money for possibly months so what would you live on.

Get copies of his pension paperwork and anything related to the house.

See a solicitor to find out your rights abd entitlement.

Getting your ducks in a row is alot of information gathering.

Once you've done the above you could look at private rentals and even sign a tenancy, get your furniture and then just up and leave one day.

From what you have said this should be fairly straightforward in terms of a financial settlement ie 50/50 assets, half the house and equalising of pensions on retirement. An actuary can look at pensions to evaluate what would give you both equal income on retirement.

However, if he doesn't agree to split of finances it can take at least two years to get it through court. It's a slow, drawn out and expensive process . Are you able to rent on your own if you don't want to continue to share the house?

Divorce grounds have to be unreasonable behaviour or adultery for immediate no fault split, two years separation if you both agree or five years if one of you doesn't agree. Nightmare family and him not sorting it out could be added to unreasonable behaviour.