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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Feeling confused

20 replies

lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 09:01

Sorry if it feels like I am posting a lot but can someone tell me what they think I should do?

So last week had a drink with partner and family. I was drunk so put myself to bed.

I have actually been told now that I did go to bed, and that I shouldn't drink as I am "stupid" apparently. Which is fair enough as I don't drink.

This week has been awful, I don't know if it's a mixture of hospital appointments cos I am in pain and worrying or if I am worrying about the fact of the silent treatment and lack of support.

I have apologised numerous times. I can't eat as I have this awful knot in my stomach, and a cramp that is actually horrendous.

Normally this sort of thing would not bother me, but by god this week it has. Maybe I am reading to much in to it. Maybe it's over and he's just making me do it.

If I knew what I had actually done I would be fine with it.

Please no horrible answers.
I don't think I have actually slept for a whole week properly.

OP posts:
mrstea301 · 22/05/2021 09:09

Sorry, but I'm not sure what's wrong - what are you meant to have done? Everyone's a bit stupid when they're drunk!

Sorry you're not feeling great, but it doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong / bad?

Thinkaboutthings · 22/05/2021 09:11

Are you the poster that wet the bed? sorry if not but if so, is that the issue?

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 09:11

Yeah I know, I've been told that too! But it's just this awful treatment like I have.

I honestly cannot settle at all. I am constantly checking my phone. Waiting for a text.

I wish I could actually cry or get angry with myself. I am so sore.

I just don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 09:12

@Thinkaboutthings

Are you the poster that wet the bed? sorry if not but if so, is that the issue?
No didn't wet the bed.
OP posts:
TheWaif · 22/05/2021 09:12

I think you've missed some information out of your post or worded it badly. I'm not sure what you mean.

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 09:16

Sorry you don't understand my post.

Maybe you don't understand it, as I myself do not understand it.

If that makes sense?

OP posts:
TheWaif · 22/05/2021 09:18

No, you just haven't said what you're talking about. You went to bed and then we're told that you did go to bed? What did that mean? And told by who? You're husband? His family? Both? You're also presuming people know about the silent treatment and lack of support without actually explaining it?

cocoloco987 · 22/05/2021 09:22

Another also confused. Is the pain related or something you had before? Are you on medication that could be contributing to the anxiety and also could have affected your reaction to alcohol?

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 09:22

Basically I had a drink and went to bed, I got up in the morning and the atmosphere was awful.

My partner gave me the silent treatment so I have asked others if I had done something wrong and they all said no.

He said I was stupid and shouldn't drink which is fine. But the texts and things I have received have been very blunt.

I had an urgent hospital appointment this week which involved a lot of biopsy's, which I had to attend alone which is fair enough as the COVID restrictions.

We don't live together so I haven't seen him.

Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself.

OP posts:
category12 · 22/05/2021 09:22

I think that your boyfriend is using you being drunk as an excuse to go off in a strop, since you don't think you did or said anything awful while drunk.

Whether he's doing it to break you up, or to soften you up for emotional abuse, or because he's off with someone else, I don't know.

Either way, getting treated like this is not OK, so you need to end things with him.

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 09:23

@cocoloco987

Another also confused. Is the pain related or something you had before? Are you on medication that could be contributing to the anxiety and also could have affected your reaction to alcohol?
I had the procedure done on Monday.

Yes I am on 100mg sertraline for what they believe are pre menopause symptoms.

OP posts:
PhannyPharts · 22/05/2021 09:27

You're feeling confused because it sounds like he's making sure you do.

You got drunk. Lots of people do. You went to bed. You asked other people if you did anything bad. They've said no. And rather than him tell you what you apparently did to upset him so you can either apologise or work in it. He's just ignoring you

I don't care how drunk you were. The problem is not you

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 22/05/2021 09:27

I don't understand any of this. Despite the mention of hospital appointments, don't really understand why you'd be 'sore'. And if not from those, from what? From whom are you awaiting a text? Partner who doesn't live with you? You knew you'd put yourself to bed so why did you have to be 'told' that? Why on earth can't you sleep? Did you murder someone while drunk? What are you apologizing for? Having one too many on one occasion? Non-drinkers often misjudge their tolerance.
If all this stems from the fact that you obviously react incredibly poorly to silent treatment as punishment for slightly silly behaviour (viz - you should be furious with anyone that does this, not worry about when they might deign to contact you 🙄) then obviously end things with him.

MangosteenSoda · 22/05/2021 09:29

So, if I understand correctly, you got drunk and he’s been horrible to you ever since.

Either you said or did something that really upset him or he’s an intolerant arse. If it’s the former, he should tell you what upset him, if it’s the latter you need to decide if he’s what you want from life.

There’s no reason for the silent treatment or for passive aggression. You shouldn’t be sick with worry about the way you’re being treated by the person who is meant to love and support you.

Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 09:29

We have spoke but it's like it's not the same.

Maybe my anxiety is making me feel like this.

Or I could be just feeling sorry for myself that I feel like this.

I wish I could have a nice soak in the bath to chill me out but I can't even do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 10:12

So sorry again for whinging on.

OP posts:
Original poster
lostsoul1989 · 22/05/2021 12:38

I have just been to the hospital and I have an infection. I have a course of anti biotics so hopefully I should be feeling better soon.

OP posts:
premium77 · 22/05/2021 15:40

OP we can’t help you. There’s no way of us knowing what you did when drunk. We also can’t know if you’re paranoid and there’s no issue. You have to communicate with your partner.

ravenmum · 22/05/2021 15:52

OP, you've posted about this a couple of times and it's been hard to follow what's going on. Do you think it might help to give the Samaritans a ring? Maybe your GP? You sound upset or perhaps not very well?

lucy5236 · 22/05/2021 16:01

OP was your other post the one about drinking with your DP and his brother?!

If so, I remember it and thought your partner sounded controlling and was giving you the silent treatment to show you he wasn't happy. I think he wants you to think you've done something that you haven't

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