Wwyd

[Theodoreb]

I have a long term fwb amd my other female friend knows I have feelings for him and I am away on holiday today and she has been mailing him behind my back and made a pass at him. He phoned me straight up to tell me as we have a rule of do what you want just not with friends, so I'm in no way angry at him. But I'm very angry at her and don't know what to do about it tbh.

Things between me and my fwb have heated up lately and he's moved in which she knows, so just don't get why she would do this? she's recently split up with her ex and has gone through 6 relationships in the last year as she can't seem to stand staying single but there are plenty of guys out there no need to go for mine.

Btw she doesn't even know the boy apart from on rare occasions she's seen him with me maybe 6 times at most so there's no need for her to be mailing him at all like.

Theo, I am concerned that you are mixing alcohol and weed with your anti-psychotic meds.

Also, is this the guy who was pressuring you last year to take coke with him?

Be very careful, Theo. It would be a tragedy if you backslide.

@MsDogLady yes it is the same man however when I ended things he decided to give up coke, and has since apologized and I know that drugs can alter your perception of what's right or wrong. But he hasn't touched coke since.

Psychiatrist knows about the weed has no issues with it, psychiatrist doesn't like the drink he doesn't think it's going to interact badly with my medication he just believes (100% correct) that it stops my medication working, which is why the next day after drinking my head is always in a bad place. I do need to cut down on drink.

@MsDogLady

Theo, I am concerned that you are mixing alcohol and weed with your anti-psychotic meds.

Also, is this the guy who was pressuring you last year to take coke with him?

Be very careful, Theo. It would be a tragedy if you backslide.

Absolutely. This is what struck me.

OP, I remember your name from your very insightful and eloquent AMA about your MH condition last year. You said very adamantly on that thread that you wouldn’t have a partner because you were vulnerable because of your MH and tended to attract abusers, and also because you had got back your children, who have diverse additional needs in ways that sounded quite extreme and weren’t compatible with you having a partner. You also spoke out very strongly about not doing recreational drugs of any kind, and were very clear on cannabis worsening mental illness.

A new live-in partner who has pressured you to use cocaine in the past and with whom you regularly smoke weed sounds like a terrible idea for someone as vulnerable as you, leaving aside the whole friend making a pass drama. .

This is a worrying read tbh

@flaminjo isn't it just.

@BinocularVision I am taking all opinions on board I'm just trying to unemotionally access and digest them.

Re the cannabis I've always smoked it I smoke 1g a week on a Saturday night.

I remember your username too @Theodoreb and my god you've had a rough time of things and always spoken really eloquently about your mental health.

This man is very young and has previously tried to force you to take drugs despite knowing your history as an addict. He is also taking drugs with you now (even if it's only weed) which implies he doesn't quite want the best for you, even if he's generally been a 'good guy' since the Coke incidents.

psychiatrist doesn't like the drink he doesn't think it's going to interact badly with my medication he just believes (100% correct) that it stops my medication working

Your psychiatrist has told you it stops your medication working. Your medication is necessary to stop mania and psychosis. If those things happen, you are not able to rely on yourself to make good choices and therefore will not be guaranteed to make safe parenting decisions, you may take risks, you may not think clearly and be paranoid etc.

You shouldn't be drinking based on that, which has been confirmed by your psychiatrist. Is that something you feel able to work towards?

I'm very surprised a psychiatrist doesn't have an issue with someone with schizoaffective disorder smoking weed - are you sure that's what they said? It's known to exacerbate paranoia and increase psychotic episodes in people who suffer from psychosis. Why are you using it currently? It's Saturday today - could you challenge yourself not to do it today?

You lost your children once and did so, so well to get them back. Please don't risk that by doing things that could see you slip back drugs wise or cause more manic / psychotic episodes.

I've been so impressed with how far you've come after everything you've been through, it would be so awful for you to slip backwards.

@flaminjo

This is a worrying read tbh

Yep.

Don't think you understand what your psychiatrist said, or you should get a new one. Don't know of any that would say you can take weed while taking medication for your kind of issues. Defeats the point surely.

Sounds like a very concerning situation. Your friend, or rather ex friend, isn't the biggest issue I think.

‘ psychiatrist doesn't like the drink he doesn't think it's going to interact badly with my medication he just believes (100% correct) that it stops my medication working’

OP - read what you wrote. When you say
alcohol stops your medications working - it means that it DOES interact with your meds.
You have 3 kids that you lost before and got back? Is alcohol really worth risking it?

Back to your friend. Why don’t you ask her what she meant and what is going on?
Given that you and your FWB seem to have had some sort of lose arrangement and on/off in the past - your friend may not know where your boundaries really are.
Why not ask her, rather than just dropping her?

Right just to update I asked fwb to move out he's looking for a place and have stopped the drinking.

The weed I guess my psychiatrist is happy as since having my dc back I've optionally cut down from 28g a week to 1g a week plus he said he doesn't see a issue with what I do when my kids are not here.

I'm going to be honest with you all now though as otherwise how will I get help everytime I smoke weed I become paranoid and trip right out so much so that sometimes I cannot even speak.and sometimes I twitch uncontrollably it can be quite frightening but I do it as a means of non visible self harm. Now I know that sounds bad but when you consider that when I first got off drugs I was smoking 28g a week and taking overdoses every night not enough to kill me just enough to make me bad now I've stopped all that and just smoke 1g a week.

I have listened to what you've said and thought about it and decided that the drink needs addressing first I think the reason my psychiatrist is happy is because I've come so far from where I was 5 years ago when I first arrived home I was taking overdoses every night drinking every night (i now drink twice a week) and smoking 28g of weed a week I guess he thinks I'm doing well. I didn't smoke green last weekend as was on holiday with my kids and owing to how I get I don't smoke it when I have them ever.

But Rome wasn't built in a day and I've decided to stop drinking first.

But being honest I'm finding it hard to get support as so few people have a mental illness as severe as mine and just don't understand every thread I post in mental health section gets virtually no replies. It's so hard when I get no support.

@Theodoreb

Right just to update I asked fwb to move out he's looking for a place and have stopped the drinking.

The weed I guess my psychiatrist is happy as since having my dc back I've optionally cut down from 28g a week to 1g a week plus he said he doesn't see a issue with what I do when my kids are not here.

I'm going to be honest with you all now though as otherwise how will I get help everytime I smoke weed I become paranoid and trip right out so much so that sometimes I cannot even speak.and sometimes I twitch uncontrollably it can be quite frightening but I do it as a means of non visible self harm. Now I know that sounds bad but when you consider that when I first got off drugs I was smoking 28g a week and taking overdoses every night not enough to kill me just enough to make me bad now I've stopped all that and just smoke 1g a week.

I have listened to what you've said and thought about it and decided that the drink needs addressing first I think the reason my psychiatrist is happy is because I've come so far from where I was 5 years ago when I first arrived home I was taking overdoses every night drinking every night (i now drink twice a week) and smoking 28g of weed a week I guess he thinks I'm doing well. I didn't smoke green last weekend as was on holiday with my kids and owing to how I get I don't smoke it when I have them ever.

But Rome wasn't built in a day and I've decided to stop drinking first.

I'm going to be honest with you all now though as otherwise how will I get help everytime I smoke weed I become paranoid and trip right out so much so that sometimes I cannot even speak.and sometimes I twitch uncontrollably it can be quite frightening but I do it as a means of non visible self harm. Now I know that sounds bad but when you consider that when I first got off drugs I was smoking 28g a week and taking overdoses every night not enough to kill me just enough to make me bad now I've stopped all that and just smoke 1g a week.

If you've told your psychiatrist an honest account of your physical reaction to weed, at the 1g you're smoking a week now, and s/he still says s/he isn't worried about it then you need a new psychiatrist. You can't possibly have been honest with them about it for them to have said it's ok in their opinion for you to continue smoking?!

Sorry I meant to say, those are positive steps - stopping drinking and getting fwb out.

As I say though I suspect you aren't being entirely honest with your psychiatrist and as you know, it's vital you are honest with them at pivotal points like this.

Concerned you have kids but say you've smoked 1g every Saturday so I'm assuming that's when they're in bed?

You need to focus on a clean lifestyle and your psychiatrist and doctors can then help you work on your mental health from a starting point that isn't blurred by drink / non prescribed drugs. Otherwise it's hard for them to know what's working and not working when it comes to the prescribed medicines and other treatment like therapy.

My kids are at their dads overnight. I have been honest with my psychiatrist but we've agreed I'm going quickly and get better every day.

I still have a lot of symptoms despite being medicated

But with me it's a toss up between having some symptoms and being too medicated.

@Theodoreb

My kids are at their dads overnight. I have been honest with my psychiatrist but we've agreed I'm going quickly and get better every day.

I still have a lot of symptoms despite being medicated

It'll be great for you to be clean and sober because then you and your psychiatrist and doctors can start to work out which symptoms were down to, or being exacerbated by, weed and alcohol. It sounds like you're moving in the right direction.

It will be great you are right, but I trust my psychiatrist more than anyone and I follow his advice as best I can the only other person I talk too is my mum

We have moved fast and far from where I was.

Why have you asked him to move out?

In the nicest way possible, you need to respect yourself more. He is not a friend with benefits if he lives with you and you have feelings for him, and if you continue to describe him as such, you are allowing him to really disrespect you. To be honest if you just refer to each other as 'feiends with benefits' then why shouldn't your frienf make a pass at him? He's single, right? If you're unhappy with this, tell him he needs to either commit to you or leave. As soon as you get feelings for a 'FWB' (let alone live with them 😳) it's basically a case of: you commit to each other, or one of you gets your heart broken and it ends horribly.

Gosh I just read the thread and without being disrespectful, I feel a bit concerned for your children - you drink heavily, use drugs, and have moved a man who you aren't in a relationship into your home I think maybe you have a few things to address. I'm not saying this to he cruel, just honest.

Is there any extra help or support you could access to help you stop drinking? Maybe AA would be helpful?

I do think you'd be better off having this man move out again as he has history of promoting drugs to you and you're so vulnerable to exploitation and abuse. Saying you're too afraid to be in a relationship yet letting him move in is just giving yourself the worst of all possible worlds really.