How do I tell him its over ?

[Dailydingo]

Married 16 years. 2 kids. Mortgage. I want out. Complete suprise to him. It will destroy him.
He has a once in a lifetime holiday booked for us. Been planning it for 2 years. How the hell do I get out of that ? He will be beyond gutted to not go and not go with me.

What on earth do I say to him

Why do you want out?

I think we need a bit more information, this is very brief.

I no longer love him, fancy him or want sex with him. Been like that for years. I no longer want to wake up to see his face in the morning.. I want my own front door.

Why haven't you given him some kind of hint that you're not happy? How can he believe you're happy when your feelings against him are so strong?

He thinks everything is ok despite the fact we don't have sex, eat together, buy separate food and do own washing. He is asd and thinks this is normal behaviour.

I think you need to speak to him sooner rather than later, because of the holiday. Is it possible to cancel that? Would you be okay with him going on a similar trip just with the children?

Will you be OK financially?

Do you have a plan to leave or would you have to continue living with him? When is the holiday booked for?

Bottom line is it's never going to be easy telling him but you should sit him down and tell him the truth. I don't think there's any easy way to end it. I think when you do though, you should be prepared to leave the house for a while to give him some space otherwise it could be very awkward.

Have you met someone else?

I'm asking as I think when you split you need to be honest about the state of play, otherwise he will (as he's going to be blindsided you say) try to win you back and fight for the marriage.

I think you should have given him fair warning. It’s not nice to just pull the rug from underneath someone. If you were ‘planning for 2 years’ why did you go along with the holiday plans? That’s very cruel.

@premium77

I think you should have given him fair warning. It’s not nice to just pull the rug from underneath someone. If you were ‘planning for 2 years’ why did you go along with the holiday plans? That’s very cruel.

I think she meant he's been planning the dream holiday for two years?

Had your head turned OP?

If he is ASD then you need to sit down and tell him in facts not emotions and then leave. He wont understand the emotional side of it. I have had a relationship with someone with ASD which I had to finish not that long ago. I, too had no sex in the end, our lives were becoming very separate and he was going along as if this was normal behaviour so I do get where you are coming from. He was understanding to a point when I told him why I was finishing with the relationship as he doesn't understand emotions with his ASD. He was a lovely man just didn't meet my basic needs. We chat occasionally now and its as if we didn't have a relationship at all.....most odd. So just be straight with him and move on.

I know how you feel, OP. My hubby - with probable asd- is trying to win me back, and it's so hard to decide what to do. Sounds like you've made up your mind.

Why are you suddenly so sure you want out? If it’s been crap for years what’s happened?

I’m sorry, I know this is not the point of your post, but no one is asd. They have asd or they are autistic.

You need to tell him though. Can you broach it from “how do you feel about things?” or try counselling? (With or without him)

@litterbird when you have met one autistic person you have met one autistic person. It is absolutely not true to say that any autistic person won’t understand the emotional side. Patronising as well.

People with asd are not emotionless robots! They often process things differently though.

You sound very desperate to get out of marriage. Have you talked to him about your feelings and he has perhaps not listened to how you feel?

Is the holiday something for the kids - how old are they?