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Original poster

If he owns half of the house, shouldn’t he do half of the housework ?

26 replies

DinosaurDiana · 21/05/2021 15:18

just that really. I took on traditional roles because he worked away a lot and I was a SAHM for a while.
Now he’s retired, I work PT, yet it’s still my responsibility. If I ask him to do something he either does it badly or says I’m a nag.
I so hope women see that it’s not on any more, and sort this shit out from the start.

OP posts:
HerRoyalNotness · 21/05/2021 15:19

It’s not even about owning half the house. If you live in it you make half the mess, you clean it.

I have an H that will come in put is hands on his hips looking at room and say this is a fucking mess. Then goes about his day and does nothing about it. Hmm

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/05/2021 15:24

'Nag' is banned in my house. It's a red line. It's misogynist and basically is saying, "shut up woman and do everything".

And no, I wouldn't have put up with it from the start.

What are you going to do about it?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/05/2021 15:24

Why are you putting up with this?

The only reason I'd do somebody else's housework (which is what you're doing) is if they were paying me, or in exchange for really excellent sex.

haveaday · 21/05/2021 15:25

My DP says he doesn't make any mess so he doesn't need to do any cleaning. He says the kids aren't his kids so he doesn't have to clean up after them. He says he does LOADS of cleaning but just doesn't brag about it.

I say which one is it, dickhead? It can't be all three.

Original poster
DinosaurDiana · 21/05/2021 15:29

He says I clean too much.
I don’t think a quick flit around the house once a week is too much, it’s what my mum did, and I can see it needs doing after a week. It’s his excuse not to do it.
It’s easy to say not to do it, but I don’t want to live in a dirty house.
I just want to warn anyone getting into a cohabitating situation to sort this all out before you move in together.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 21/05/2021 15:29

What do you mean you hope women see this isn’t on? I mean this politely but it’s you who is putting up with this shit, not me or any of my friends.

Original poster
DinosaurDiana · 21/05/2021 15:30

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

Why are you putting up with this?

The only reason I'd do somebody else's housework (which is what you're doing) is if they were paying me, or in exchange for really excellent sex.

And no, I’m not getting sex anymore. But I don’t fancy it with him anymore anyway !!
OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 21/05/2021 15:32

So when are you going to see it’s not on and deal with it op?

motogogo · 21/05/2021 15:32

Stand up for yourselves! Or get a cleaner.

We share the housework except cooking because I'm far better at it (he does make bacon sandwiches and cups of tea) but as I work less hours it makes sense anyway (I'm far too territorial in the kitchen I admit)

Chore lists is my advice

Original poster
DinosaurDiana · 21/05/2021 15:39

I do see that it’s not on. I thought it was my job when I was a SAHM, and I continued when he was working lots of hours and I was PT.
He thinks I clean too often, he is allowed an opinion.
He does it badly if I get him to do something.
He will say I’m a nag.
I can’t make him do housework, but I want the house I live in to be cleaned once a week, so I suppose I put up and shut up. I was hoping to help some way in getting people starting out to sort it out early on, but I seem to have attracted negativity, so I’ll go and find something to polish and start the tea instead.
💐

OP posts:
flaminjo · 21/05/2021 15:47

Can't you get a cleaner OP? That's what I do

My OH helps, in theory, but like yours, his standards are shite. So I either nag or do it myself

It's so nice to have somebody else do it

Bluntness100 · 21/05/2021 15:49

But op this makes no sense, it’s like you have the impression all women live like this. We don’t.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 21/05/2021 16:01

He'd be getting his half of the house when it's sold in the divorce. Anyone who called me a 'nag' was dumped.

LannieDuck · 21/05/2021 16:03

Get a cleaner, or give him the chores he can't ignore like shopping and cooking.

BackforGood · 21/05/2021 16:12

Everything Bluntness100 said.

You didn't say "How can I make him see our roles have changed and he needs to pull his weight?"
You said
"I so hope women see that it’s not on any more, and sort this shit out from the start."

Well, people I know seem to (from what I see / hear - obviously no-one really knows what goes on in other people's relationships).

ForThePurposeOfTheTape · 21/05/2021 16:56

He should have been doing half the housework during the time he was at home since half of the mess and a created by him.

Currently he should be doing more than half

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 21/05/2021 17:35

You're not getting sex. You don't fancy him. You're picking up his share of shit work. Why are you still there OP?

If you're deciding to stay for practical/financial reasons then fair enough. But if its something like "I don't want to be alone and I fear I won't find anyone better" then give your head a wobble - of course you can find someone else, definitely somebody who wants sex for a start!

Summerhillsquare · 21/05/2021 17:52

You are dead right OP. I fell into the trap myself, despite being a radical feminist! It seemed silly to have two washing baskets, to seperate his clothes out from mine, and then petty to wash mine alone. And then I hung them up to dry, and I quite liked ironing anyway, and I thought I might as well put them away afterwards. As for the bathroom, I just cleaned it when it needed it, and carried on....and on, and on...

He's an exDH now.

Start as you mean to go on.

Maray1967 · 21/05/2021 19:50

I think cleaning is the tricky area as I’m not prepared to let it get to the low level that my DH would gladly let it sink to. Laundry is much easier - just wash your clothes. Let his pile up. If necessary open his wardrobe and Chuck them in if you don’t want them on the floor.
And if you cook all the time I’d try to find ways to get out of that. Can you go out for a meal with a friend and just leave him to fend for himself? And if he doesn’t help with any of the shopping don’t get any of the things he likes.
Unless he is doing all the gardening, DIY, car maintenance etc then start making him do at least something that he has to actually do.

bigbaggyeyes · 21/05/2021 20:29

I think he should be doing more than 50% of the housework if he's at home and you're working part time. Plus I'd be expecting my tea on the table most nights too

pointythings · 21/05/2021 22:44

Well, I'd be divorcing him. But failing that, he wouldn't be getting his laundry done or any meals cooked.

billy1966 · 21/05/2021 23:44

@pointythings

Well, I'd be divorcing him. But failing that, he wouldn't be getting his laundry done or any meals cooked.
This.

Move into a spare bedroom and suit yourself.

As for calling you a nag?
Why would you accept that.?

Flowers
Livingintheclouds · 21/05/2021 23:49

But you have put the onus on women to sort this out. It's not up to them to sort. Men are perfectly capable of cleaning without a woman having to tell them.
My husband was far tidier than me. He never made a mess, and when he cooked he cleaned as he went along. I was a sahm. My standards were lower than his, but he never thought he should 'sort' this (me) out. We had a cleaner.

Wearywithteens · 21/05/2021 23:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

PickAChew · 21/05/2021 23:52

He sounds like a born again teenager. I hope you're not doing his laundry