Hello everyone,
After trying unsuccessfully to find counselling/therapy, I came across a thread here where I read some good advice and decided to try my luck.
I have two kids already, both pregnancies were very difficult in different ways - I almost lost my son during the birth and a couple of days later he almost died in the hospital due to medical malpractice. I was in an abusive relationship at the time and had just about decided to leave when I became pregnant again... I denied pregnancy and didn't show until I was 8 months along, by which point it was clear I was well and truly stuck in the relationship, as I had feared. My husband lost his job just before the birth and became a stay-at-home dad, but we were never intimate again and a few years later we started seeing other people.
Now, the kids are aged 10 and 7, we're still co-parenting and living together, but I am in a relationship with someone else, whom I met 3 year ago. He is madly in love with me and desperately wanted me to move in with him, but this wasn't possible as I am seriously allergic to his bevy of cats. And I must admit I was not too keen to move in with him anyway because I don't want to have to see my kids only every other week - I am very close to them. Also, my husband wouldn't hesitate to paint me as the "villain" for walking out on them.
Now, it turns out I'm pregnant with this other guy. He has no children and would love to have one with me. I am 44 so this is probably my last chance to have another child (assuming the pregnancy is even actually successful at this advanced age!). But I honestly can't see how to make it work. I imagine I would definitely have to move out of the home I currently share with my husband and two kids. The kids - who have told me repeatedly that they don't want a baby brother or sister - would resent the baby and the fact that I would be spending all my time with this baby but only see them 1 week out of 2!! I can't bear that. Also, I'm afraid the baby's dad would move in with me, and I really don't think I can bear to be around him all the time. The initial attraction has died down quite significantly, and he has also become clinically obese. He is constantly asking me for money and wallowing in self-pity at his inability to financially support himself. He doesn't get along with my children, and I've had to make sure he is never around them because it always ends with him fighting and screaming at them. Before I met him, I had no plans or desire to have another baby - it was just because of how much I knew he wanted one that I agreed to try.
So what now?? Please help me, anyone!