We’ve separated & I feel lost

[PumpkinSpicedLatte]

My husband and I have been having problems for a while, 9 months in fact . I have suffered (still suffering) severe post natal depression .I was hospitalised when my DD was 3 weeks old, I’m under teams of people now, tried medication. It’s been bad (I do have a thread on here that I made when she was 5 weeks which documents the whole journey really) We’ve been together 8 years , married for 2 years. Own a house and our daughter is almost 9 months now. He left a month ago. He has struggled immensely with my PND, and generally just being a Dad. Thankfully things aren’t sour, I’ve tried to stay as civil as I can for our daughters sake. But I’m hurting , an awful lot.
He’s moved back in with his parents . I arranged us counselling but he pulled out and said it wouldn’t work. I was unhappy with how things were but never saw it ending , especially this way when I need support more than ever.

Anyway, it’s happened and I guess I need some guidance on what to do. Where do I start with things . He originally wanted me to sell the house but he’s agreed I can stay and I’ll pay him off (is that the right word, I can’t remember). I have our daughter most the time, he has her every other weekend (daytime as she is BF at the moment) and tuesday afternoons . It’s hard I am so depressed . I’ve been in a very dark place ever since my daughter was born and this has tipped me over the edge. I think I need general guidance , do I start with changing the bills to my name , am I entitled to benefits ?
I’m sorry if this makes no sense
Thank you for your time

I'm so sorry OP

Your H is not a good man. There are ways to end a relationship, honorably and respectfully, if he wishes to, but to behave like this, when you have been in an extremely vulnerable place, is really shocking.

Firstly, have you good real-life support? Family, close friends? Ideally, you need someone who can practically and emotionally support you, help you with your DD, and be there to support your MH.

Secondly, I would encourage you to get legal advice as soon as possible.

Are you working or still on leave?

The arrangement of 'paying him off' sounds problematic. You need good advice to make sure that you are protected.

But first, talk to someone you can trust. There is a way through this, as hard as it feels now

@EarringsandLipstick thank you so much for such kind words , it means a lot .

Support wise MN has been amazing but real life I also have a good support network. Got a lot of friends being kind about the situation I’m in marriage wise , and then very close friends who have emotionally and physically supported me and continue to do so with my DD. Not many of my friends know about my MH but I’m extremely lucky in the sense that I have two best friends who’ve come to me in the middle of the night when I’ve been suicidal , and things like that. And then general moral support . I do continue to feel like a burden but, I know they care a lot. I also pay for private therapy but it’s very costly . I’m still awaiting a plan with the mental health services who are currently doing an assessment but it’s taking a while as I’ve been so poorly with my MH.

I’ll seek legal advise , that’s a good start thank you.
My mat leave finishes this month and then I am using 8 weeks annual leave just to give me a bit more time . I was due back in April but I extended it as I knew I needed to get a plan for my PND as going back to work would’ve been a bad idea I think. I’m also going to go back part time.

It’s such an overwhelming time . I can’t believe it’s happened

So sorry you H has done this - men can be such shits! So glad you have good friends to support you - dont think you are a burden they want to help. You have a wonderful DD who needs you.

Get legal advice asap as it will help you feel more in control.

My DH and I didnt live together when our son was born and he didnt support me much. I was lucky with family to help. But I do remember feeling do overwhelmed by it all but it does get easier.

Take each day as it comes, break down tasks you need to do in managable chunks so less overwhelming. You can do this you know

OP, I can't believe your selfish ex is treating you like this.

Just do one thing a day for now like changing one bill into your name each day so you limit any overwhelm.

On another day - you can contact your local council tax department and get a reduction of 25% if you are the only adult in your house

On another day go onto the gov.uk website and see if you are entitled to any benefits.Is your ex paying towards your daughter?

Don't agree anything financially or about the house with your ex. Tell him you are seeking legal advice. Don't be pressurised into agreeing anything. Make sure you see a solicitor asap - a lot of them give half an hour free.

It's good that you have a good support system around you. Could you ask someone to look after your daughter for a few hours here and there to give you some time to yourself?

So sad. Hope God gives you strength. I and many others have been where are. In a dark, cold, damp tunnel with no light at the end of it, and up to your knees in mud. It seems like that at times......

But it’s one step at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time.You’ve had some great advice. Sort one bill out, have a day off then sort another out......

One day, you’ll step into the light, the worst will be behind you......

Be strong for your little one 🙏

Dear OP, I have been through a lot in my life and if I learned anything it is that us humans can take on a whole lot more then we think. I know that things look very dark and horrible right now, but believe me, you are stronger than you think, you can take so much more then you think, and you do not need a man to survive through life. As a woman you are actually much more equipped to live under pressure. It is good that you have support from your family and friends. I know that it may be hard to talk about MH with people, but I think that the more people know about this the better, the safer it is. Just like the others told you, take it one little thing at the time, ask for help, take any help you can get and eventually things will start to look better. Sending hugs and prayers across the ocean.