DP!!!!!

[BrainFart1]

Just had a rant because -

• having had a bottle of Prosecco, cooked dinner, organised everything all day (all week, all year, all forever) - I’d accidentally left the gas on slightly (no smell) and Dp made a huge bloody deal about it - opening every window in the house

• my defence is that I do EVERYTHING. He WFH, but sees all household, child, organisation as down to me. He never gets up to toddler son (ill for the past few days so I’ve had no sleep)

He blames me for being ‘drunk’. I’m not really, but I’m drinking fairly regularly because things are quite stressful and he does absolutely nothing in terms of household organisation/kids.

I can’t leave my gas on? Tell him to buy a new cooker and use it if he has a problem, one that won’t spew out gas unless lit.

Me on duty all night, all day and DP usually ‘works’ from 8am til 9.30pm. Why doesn’t he want to interact with his bloody kids??

This isnt about the gas. Why is he getting away with doing nothing? How long are you going to put up with it?

I mean, I'm sure leaving the gas on is very dangerous, but what this should have highlighted to him is that you need more help.

I told him the reason I need a drink is because he never helps. He’s sloped off to his ‘office’ saying he’s got so much to do. 8.00 til 9.30 daily. And everything else is up to me.

Because he only ever puts himself first.

And then he’s pretty nasty to me if I’m not coping.

Never listens, interrupts, talks over me, never helps, belittles me, criticises. In a quiet way, but it’s misogyny all the same.

A bottle of prosecco isn't "a drink". It's made you drunk enough to do something dangerous. He sounds like an arse, day to day, but I can understand his annoyance with you on this point.

I’m having too much to drink most evenings - I just hate having no support.

Everything I do is questioned, analysed and critisised. I know the gas was bad, but I Feel like he’s gleefully jumped on it as yet another measure of my incompetence.

It sounds like your in a vicious cycle:
He makes you feel worthless
You drink to cope
He then has further ammo with which to make you feel more worse
One of you has to take responsibility otherwise this could escalate into something quite dangerous, thinking coercive control from his part, addiction from yours. Please sit down (without the DC and before you've had a drink) to tell him exactly how you feel. If he won't listen then I'd say it's a case of LTB

First you need to stop drinking. Hopefully then with a clear head you'll be in a better position to plan your exit from this relationship. It all sounds very tough at the moment.

Just to add, all the single mothers I've spoken to say it is much easy to do it alone than with a partner that isn't pulling their weight.

Easier

Dump him and your life will improve right away. No reason to stay with him, I assume you’re not financially dependent on him without the protection of marriage?

You left the gas on? My teenager did this once and I was mad. It's bloody dangerous I'm not surprised he was cross.

Talk to him sober and don’t back down how him not pulling his weight is adding to your drinking. Don’t loose your temper and stay calm.
Give him a list of jobs that are his on a daily basis. Explain you need attention and company on an evening.
I know it’s hard but try not to have a drink when he is spending time with you.
Good luck op xx

I hope you’ll come back when sober and, without being unkind to yourself, realise that blaming someone else for your drinking is something to avoid.

You drank a bottle of procecco and left the gas on. That's not just a drink....you drank a whole bottle and were drunk. Leaving the gas on is so dangerous! It happened at my parents house once, and we were advised by the brigade to open every window and doors and not to switch on any lights, as they could spark the gas! Gas is dangerous. Your husband not pulling his weight is a separate matter, and should definitely be addressed another day.

I have never resorted to drink but I can empathise with needing a boost when under pressure and feeling a bit down - I once ate an entire large jar of nutella when on maternity leave and husband was working crazy shifts.

Can you find another activity other than having a drink which both helps with the stress and helps encourage DH to take up a bit more of the domestic work? Something like going out to a club or exercise class for a couple of evenings a week? Or maybe half a day at the weekend? It sounds like you badly need a bit of time to yourself.
I hope you toddler gets better soon.

Tbh I would be annoyed if someone left the gas on because they had too much to drink. So I do think he had a right to be concerned because it’s dangerous.

That being said, there’s obviously more going on between the two of you that needs to be addressed.

Stop. Drinking.

You are flirting dangerously with alcoholism. Your children will not benefit from having an alcoholic mother.

Get yourself together and if you need to leave the relationship, do so. Alcohol is only making everything 100% worse.

Hello OP, I am an old, old woman, and in my long (and interesting life) I have left the gas on quite a few times (One time the Fire Brigade came). It mostly happens because you are DOING THE FUCKING COOKING whilst undertaking other tasks that a useless DH cannot seem to manage. Kick him in his lazy bloated bollocks or kick him out. Right now he is no fucking use to anyone, sending him back home to mummy and daddy might suit you both. Really, who the fuck does he think he is to get blamey and shamey over this issue and ask yourself why is he choosing to be such a cunt.