Friendship - should I end it?

[User1110]

Not sure if this is the right place to post, couldn’t find a friendship section. And I’ve NC’d just in case...

I have a friend that I have known since uni. We became friends via our boyfriends at the time. We lived together for 2 years. She makes me laugh and I know that if I really needed her, she’d be there for me.

This friend, however, has everyone treading on eggshells. She expects an awful lot of everyone - for example, when plans change, she gets really annoyed. I suffer with some ill health and some days I’m in a lot of pain and have, for example, wanted to cancel seeing her but couldn’t because she would kick off.

She also talks about ALL her other friends behind their backs. She’s talked absolutely disgustingly about some of them, calling them a c*nt. This is normally over something minor like cancelling meeting up for a drink or something.

Anyway, I am her MOH and absolutely regretting it. She only has me in the bridal party. She asked me in September last year and her wedding is June next year - can I back out? I’m fully aware I will probably lose her as a friend but the final straw for me was last week, when we last spoke....

She facetimes me to ask me if I have organised her hen (abroad, for 22 people) and I said not yet. I would love to book something now - but understandably, people are reluctant to with current restrictions etc. I explained that people are on tight budgets and cannot afford £160 tests on top of what will already be a big expense. She said she basically doesn’t care, if they can’t afford it they shouldn’t come (these are meant to be her best friends who are scrimping and saving to afford it). I suggested a U.K. hen for a weekend and flew off the handle, screaming and crying down the phone at me as thats ‘not what she wants’.

It has left me so so upset. We are all rallying around after her, saving our money and booking off AL for her and she throws it back in our (my) face.

I’m sorry this probably doesn’t make much sense, I know it’s badly written. I have been upset all afternoon (I think I’m hormonal!) and it feels good to get it out. I’ve basically answered my own Q, but what would you do? Step down from being MOH? Leave the friendship entirely? I am not a confrontational person so this is really hard for me.

Should have been clearer - hen trip is for the start of next year. 22 people to organise so wanted to try and have something booked in advance as much as possible to manage costs etc, because of the tight budgets.

She is very much on the ‘it’ll be fine side’, whereas near enough every single one of the hens has messaged me individually to let me know they feel uneasy about travel even then (whether there will still be extra costs for tests, quarantine etc). It’s just totally out of my hands right now!

Doesn’t help that her DP booked his trip with 13 friends to Dubai for his stag at the same time about a month ago...

Not sure if that changes anything. Perhaps I have jumped the gun a bit with the planning and she feels like I’m not trying hard enough?

Regardless though, I think her attitude towards the suggestion was dreadful.

*suggestion of U.K. trip

And we're here to support you when you bin her off, OP. The overwhelming feeling here is that you need to now out. Come back and let us know how you get on. Sending strength 💪

Honestly, fuck her off!

She's got ages to make her own arrangements it's not like you're pulling out a week beforehand.

She sounds like so many people I know who were drama llama, queen bees at school and became toxic, manipulative adults. Life's too short to be friends with people who don't deserve your friendship.

You sound lovely, focus on lovely friends who deserve you!

Thank you so much @MackenCheese @youvegottenminuteslynn!

It’s so nice to write it all down and get it all out. Now to gather the courage to send the message...

She sounds awful.

Bless you. We are all here to hold your hand. Totally think you are doing the right thing, by the way.

If you hate confrontation I would say the organization of the hen Party has brought on severe anxiety and for the sake of your well-being you feel you have no option than to
Step down. She can then do what she wants! X I feel for you - I’d contact her
Sooner than later x

User1110 I have been in a similar position, being friends with someone that could be difficult. People would ask why i was friends with her and i would try and find the positives in her personality. She prided herself on being "blunt" whereas it was actually just plain rude.
Things escalated to the point where i would dread her messages and phone calls. I am awful at confrontation so ended up writing her a letter, explaining that we no longer had anything in common and she had upset many people (including myself) by the way she spoke to us, despite being warned about this many times. My heart was pounding when i pushed it through her letter box!
She blocked me on everything and i never spoke to her again. My life is so much calmer. No more sinking heart at seeing her name come up on my phone, no more trying to defend her comments to people, it's lovely!
Message/email or write a letter and explain how you feel. It gives you the opportunity to get everything across in the best way, without her shouting you down.
Good luck and be brave.

Toxic, get rid x

I lost a similar 'friendship' about 10 years ago, and every time I think back to it I just feel liberated and relieved that I got my life back.

Good luck! x

Hard to end a friendship but she sounds really draining and selfish. I agree with PP about telling her it’s taken a toll on your health. She may then back away from the friendship herself but that might confirm that it not worth it.