I have name changed for this because I feel really stupid to even be asking this question but I have become very unhappy in my marriage during lockdown and am starting to wonder if I am being emotionally abused? My partner lost his job 18 months ago and it upset him, naturally, and it was a tough time for him mentally (and for us both financially) until he found another job. I should explain that I am an older woman, in receipt of a small disability pension for a physical disability and I'm only able to work from home to due my health. I earn very little, not for want of trying because I work long hours but I've not got any special talents that would enable me to earn a lot, sadly. My husband is also older (early 60s) and his earnings are now less than half of what they were in his peak earnings period but we manage.
What I have noticed since he's been at home full time (he's only been into his workplace two or three times since the first lockdown) is that he has begun controlling everything I do. He tells me when to go to bed, for example, based on how tired he thinks I am. He has taken over the cooking and although I don't want to overeat (because my consultant has told me to lose weight) I've started to notice that he ladles more food on to my plate than his, even when I ask for a small portion. I always thank him for making my meals but he gets upset if I don't finish them, even though I've asked for less than he's given me. I've suggested that we save some to heat up the next day but he won't do that. He even controls when I eat breakfast which is normally only toast or cereal and I can quite easily help myself to these. He gets upset if I get up earlier than him and want to eat before he's ready.
The final straw for me was two weeks ago when I had to go into hospital for an operation which didn't got well and he told me that I was wasting his time and that I was always causing a drama and making everything about me. I honestly did nothing to make the operation go wrong, I wasn't even awake in theatre, but he is blaming me for having to have it done again and wasting some more of his time. Is this normal or is he being abusive? Thanks for reading. There's lots more but I think I've given the gist of the problem.