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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

he hasmt had sex for 12 years

37 replies

frenchdoorrs · 20/05/2021 08:53

I’ve NC. Anyone dated a man who was nervous about sex and so wanted to wait...and wait...and wait?

I am seemingly in this situation. He’s never had a long term relationship and been single for 12 years. He did have sex years ago. He’s very very good at oral etc. Just seems to panic if I try and go further. He enjoys oral from me.

Talked to him and he just says he wants to and he’s just shy about it. He’s a lot more into it all when we’ve had a drink, but even then he will stop after being inside briefly, and that’s only happened twice. He seems very worried about how I feel and if im enjoying it. I’ve tried to reassure him. Don’t think it’s ED as he’s quite honest about things generally and I did raise it.

Maybe I’m underestimating how daunting it is to not have had sex for so long?!

OP posts:
JustAnotherOldMan · 20/05/2021 18:57

Hello all,
So I’ve just read back what I typed and it’s clearly not what I meant.

To try and explain what I was was meaning
IF the guy is nervous about sex AND worried he might hurt the woman OR think she might not be enjoying the experience, the woman being on top might help mitigate some of those issues, as she can simply get off.

Apologies for the misunderstanding caused

ItsNotLoveActually has clearly explained what I meant way better than I did

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 20/05/2021 19:04

@frenchdoorrs

I’ve NC. Anyone dated a man who was nervous about sex and so wanted to wait...and wait...and wait?

I am seemingly in this situation. He’s never had a long term relationship and been single for 12 years. He did have sex years ago. He’s very very good at oral etc. Just seems to panic if I try and go further. He enjoys oral from me.

Talked to him and he just says he wants to and he’s just shy about it. He’s a lot more into it all when we’ve had a drink, but even then he will stop after being inside briefly, and that’s only happened twice. He seems very worried about how I feel and if im enjoying it. I’ve tried to reassure him. Don’t think it’s ED as he’s quite honest about things generally and I did raise it.

Maybe I’m underestimating how daunting it is to not have had sex for so long?!

Eh? You are having sex?? He doesn't want to have PIV. Nerves aren't an issue if he's letting you suck his cock. There must be something else. He probably can't maintain an erection.
PieElla · 20/05/2021 19:06

Oh my god

It's you AGAIN isn't it

PieElla · 20/05/2021 19:06

This poster posts constantly about this bloke. Why though?

Op - why do you keep posting time and time again

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/05/2021 19:07

@PieElla

This poster posts constantly about this bloke. Why though?

Op - why do you keep posting time and time again

Ah. Under different names, I assume?
RantyAnty · 20/05/2021 19:12

Dump this weirdo aready.

ItsNotLoveActually · 20/05/2021 19:15

@JustAnotherOldMan - thank you for clearing that up - I actually thought it was a good suggestion. As if anyone would suggest rape/force, fgs!

PieElla · 20/05/2021 20:21

@youvegottenminuteslynn yes . Name changed and posts the same thing constantly. This is the 4th thread that I've seen on as many months. Always the same woman and usually gets loads of responses

So it's either some kind of weird troll type person or someone who just gets their locks from asking the same things over and over again

Sunflower1970 · 20/05/2021 21:50

I admire your patience

Rebelwithverysharpclaws · 20/05/2021 23:07

Maybe after 12 years alone all his dick knows is wanking, oral is different enough to get him going, and an interest in anal the same but actual penetrative sex maybe a step too far for him. Fine for him, but an actual heterosexual relationship is often about the penetrative sex, which a lot of women actually really like, and if both parties enjoy, it totally can cement the relationship in a way that many other sexual acts don't (unless there are disability issues). Very old woman here, just fucking saying what I know.

wobblywinelover · 21/05/2021 19:19

I was also going to say have you considered that he may be a virgin? I know that seems a bit way out but it's a possibility. However after seeing the previous posts that you may be a regular poster wanting different answers i'm wondering if my advice may be a little pointless

AgentJohnson · 21/05/2021 20:42

I suspect that his issues predate his penetrative lean period. ‘Wanting to wait’ is obvious bs he spouted in an effort to avoid being honest about the extent of his issues. You need to ask yourself, if you’re willing to invest anymore time in someone whose in denial about their issues. If you want a long term project without guarantee of improvement, then knock yourself out.

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