6 months on, still feel crap....

[WingingItAtLife]

Hi,
I've posted a few times recently.
I left my long term (15 years) ex in October. It was my choice. Lots and lots of reasons, I believe he's a narcissist, definitely has narcissistic traits. (Not just me who's said this, mutual friends have too)

Anyway, I had to live with my parents for a while because he refused to move out of the family home.
I, stupidly, thought I was ready for another relationship and met a guy via old (see my previous post) and started to fall for him, then for him to back out basically.
At around the same time, I had fought my ex for our dog, moved her in with us, then within 3 weeks had her put down due to cancer.

It's been 6 months since I left and I'm struggling. I'm feeling lonely. I have my kids most of the time but still feel lonely. I miss adult company. My parents are great but are away most of the summer. My sister works lots of hours and has a bf. My friends all have their own families and lives. I have got some online friends to chat too but I feel like a bit of a burden tbh. I never feel like I have anything interesting or exciting to talk about.

The house sale is still going though so that's probably contributing.

I expected by now to be feeling good about my decision. I know it was the right decision but I'm bored and lonely and my anxiety sometimes is getting the better of me.

Those of you who have done counselling, did you go Private? Was It worth it?

Thanks for reading x x

Oh I'm mo longer liVing with my parents.... My reason for mentioning that is that I sort of feel like I didn't recognize the loneliness at first because I was living with them.
I also feel like I didn't recognize the loneliness at first because I was chatting to this guy from old and we chatted (messages mostly but some calls) every single night and it was a distraction I guess x

You've had a tough 6 months, and on top of all the restrictions you have been able to go out and do the normal things that would help. It's totally understandable you went for OLD, I've been there and done it. And when it fell flat I wasn't sure what I was upset about was it the new or the old situation 🙈

I go to private therapy and think it's definitely worth it. After 15 years you probably have a lot to work through and having a place for that (counselling) can be really good while you are simultaneously trying to sort out all the other bits in life.

Good luck with the house sale and glad you don't regret ending the relationship! It will get better but I'm buggered if I know when sadly ❤️

Thank you so much for your reply!
I was feeling low this morning, had a good day in work, now home and starting to feel alone again.
It's exhausting, this rollercoaster of emotions!!
I think I will look into therapy/counselling. It cant make me any worse than I already am

I can relate to this, it's tough being alone in the evenings isn't it.

I hope you get somewhere with the therapy and otherwise try and keep yourself busy and have stuff to look forward to ❤️

If you dip your toe back in OLD be really careful about what red flags are for you and your needs (e.g. Be wary of love bombing while your vulnerable), and how you can protect yourself. For me I used to happily spend loads of time getting to know someone (I have the time for it, work is chilled and evenings are free) and end up getting attached and disappointed. Even if I like someone now I am going to make sure I keep options open with other guys and not be too available.

Hope some other posters come along with other advice as I know there's loads of people on here who can empathise!

I don't really have any advice but I know how you feel. I find the loneliness the hardest thing, the coming home from work and not cooking for someone, not having someone you could talk to about your day. The evenings at home when you're in bed by 9pm as you really can't be bothered to stay up on your own.

Like you I was chatting to a guy from OLD every day(we did meet but it's complicated). We would ask each other how our days were etc. I suppose it gave me (and him) the general chit chat that you miss from your relationship and helped take my mind off the loneliness. Thankfully the gyms are now open again and classes have started, I'm back in the office one day a week (nice change of 4 walls ) and I'm arranging to see friends, so I'm starting to get busy again. I'm hoping at some point the loneliness goes though.