Sorry this might be a long one! I’m just really conflicted so wanted some advice from people who are not personally involved.
I’ve been married for about 18 months, together for 4 1/2 years. We have one DD who has just turned 1.
Almost a year ago I found some messages on DH phone (i was on there as I was concerned he was gambling, which has been an issue in the past, he wasn’t). He has sent screenshots of a girls FB profile to his friend and said that it was a girl he was chatting to last time he went out (while I was pregnant)
Confronted him, said he was just speaking to her in a friendly way etc. I wasn’t satisfied with this answer but decided that I’d get over it.
This is still playing on my mind so I went back onto his phone to look for anything else. Found messages to the same mate. DH had gotten a girls number on a night out and turns out he had been messaging her for 2 months, behind my back. He mentioned her a few times on separate occasions and said how many kisses she was sending him etc. This was just before we got married and our relationship was under a lot of strain. DH told his friend that me and him had split up (we had argued but nothing was agreed with splitting) and that he had a free house and could get this girl round, said he was going to meet her out in town.
I’ve since spoken to the girl and she said that she didn’t meet him, had no intentions of meeting him and knew he was engaged. DH has said that he just said these things to his friend as he was trying to be a ‘big man’. He stopped talking to her about a week after i found out I was pregnant.
This was about 3 months before we got married however I only just found out last year. It seems like this is a regular thing that he does when he’s out and I have no idea if or how many times it has happened before. This was a shock to me because I genuinely didn’t think he would be being unfaithful in any way.
Fast forward to now, I told him last week that I didn’t want to be with him and he has now moved to his parents house. The things I have said above are the main reason for the split. it’s not so much what he’s done but it’s made me look at him completely differently now and he’s just a different person. I can’t trust him anymore and I’ve tried for a few months now but just feel like I’ve fallen out of love with him.
I still love him but just am not in love with him. We still get on day to day and we have always had a laugh together but something is just missing now. He wants to get back together but I’m not sure if this is something that I want.
Splitting our family up is a big decision and I really wanted to have another child with him. Am I overreacting? I’d love nothing more than to be with him but I feel like I don’t know him anymore.