Is our friendship over?

[Heyhotherewego]

Bit of a long one but want to make sure I cover everything, so...

Have a friend who I've known for nearly 15 years - we lived together, went on holiday together, she was one of my bridesmaids. I would definitely have said a few years ago that she was my best friend, I used to have so much fun with her and really enjoyed her company.

Over the past few years it seems that we have drifted apart quite a bit. She moved abroad and I got married, bought a house, had a baby. We've seen each other less and less (she moved back to the UK just before the pandemic) and don't really speak on the phone.

Add to the fact that I lost a parent to cancer just after having my daughter, so it's been a tough couple of years for me and I have struggled with my mental health. I know people say that friendships change when you have kids, but I really feel like she has not been there for me as I would have expected her to be.

Anyway, fast forward a year and she is now pregnant, and it looks like her mother in law may have cancer. She made a bit of an ill judged comment to me about how hard it would be to have a baby and a sick mother in law without obviously realising that it was a bit insensitive. She has since apologised but I can't help thinking that it's just a sign that our friendship is over and we're just on completely different wavelengths.

I really did care about her but I guess I'm just upset that she hasn't been there for me more during the last couple of years while I've been struggling. We hardly talk anymore and when we do it seems so awkward and forced.

Should I just accept that things have changed and move on?

One thing I’ve realised in the last few years is that you cant be in touch forever with everyone, sometimes things change and lives take a different turn.

One of my friends, who I didnt see that often moved away without saying anything and i found out via social media. I felt hurt but realise our lives are just different now and the time and place for our friendship has gone…

Yes, it's over, sorry. For me it's when you said it now feels awkward and forced. I think the other stuff you could work through but if the connection has gone then I don't think you can even openly discuss the issues. That said though, perhaps if you just back away rather than out and out ending and then you never know what might happen!

I had a message from a previously close friend saying "you obviously don't want to be friends any more". She had taken offence that I was sometimes too busy to get back to her immediately. I was a full time working mum with small kids. She was a dog-obsessed singleton. I had really liked her (up to that point).

Some years ago when my eldest was who a toddler and I was pregnant with my DD I had a sudden and very traumatic family bereavement. My life at that time was just a blur and for a couple of years leading up to that time and after it things were just mad and I was so busy and just dealing with so much stuff.

I remember getting an email from a single childless carefree friend basically asking what the problem was. We went to uni together and were really great friends but at that particular time she just wasn’t able to comprehend how chaotic my life was! I was offended and pissed off and after that although we remained and still are friends, it’s never been the same.