Ex wanting contact with DS after a year

[dairylea4brains]

Hi, I am living with a great man who has taken on my DS (2.5yo) with love and boundless generosity. We have been living with him now for a year and half. Ex husband has paid no upkepp and not seen ds for 1 year. Court yesterday ordered contact for him. ds calls new partner daddy (his natural progression) and doesnt remember ex at all. Suddenly he gets him twice a week. worried ds will flip out and scared that new partner will feel insecure and that ds will be confused. stressing me out!

i know ex legally has rights but i know its his mum who wants to see ds not my ex, he could never be bothered about ds when together! already making excuses about trains and buses and dont want ds let down. has anyone else been in this situation?

i have never refused contact to any of his family, dont know why they took me to court!

Have a word with OneParentFamilies helpline.

Not a lot you can do about it if the court has ordered it, but what you could do is suggest to your xp that as he hasn't seen your DS for a year, he needs to build up the contact gradually, not taking him away at first, but getting to know him.

Honestly, I despair of the family courts, it is absolutely ridiculous that he gets to have him twice a week out of the blue without building up to it. How can that possibly be in the best interests of a 2 year old?

hi, thanks for the support. it starts this sunday and my head is all over the place...i know it sounds horrible but i hope he doesnt keep it up, he is very lazy and unreliable.

Sounds like he's only doing it to make a point.

How awful for your child to have to be taken away by a strager like this. How can anyone think this is a sane way to arrange contact?

Don't show that you're unhappy about it, if he's doing it to make a point, he'll be less likely to do it if you look like you're happy with it.

It really sounds like he will not keep it up. If he's already making excuses it is a pretty good sign you won't have a reliable man to deal with. It was probably mostly done to placate his mum.
Try not to worry...you are in charge here, I'm assuming he won't get to take ds away from the people he knows, straight away? Your child knows who his real parents are - those whom he knows and who are committed to him.

Good luck, you sound very sorted considering!