Ugh...exP is engaged...

[belle40]

Why am I so upset by this? He is an awful person...affairs, abandoned our child. It has been 3 years! My hands are shaking and I am so angry. Wise MN talk some sense to me!

Awful people don’t change, feel sorry for his fiancée. I’m guessing he seemed nice for you to get into a relationship with and then became awful? Likely he’ll be the same with her. What kind of lowlife abandons their child. Well rid

How did you find out he is engaged. Are you with another partner? Does he have any contact with your child?
It is hurtful to see an ex move on but if he has so many horrible traits don't you think she will get treated badly also?

Thanks both. She is OW...she popped up in a new SM post. I have blocked all other avenues. I know we are better off without him. OW was actually one of three when it all came out but I guess she may well find out in the end. Just so angry that our lovely child is abandoned and they are parading around as though they are some wonderful devoted couple. Grrr.

Move forward with your life. Learn from your relationship with him and move on. You and he will have changed in three years too.

It must be normal to think back to our partners.

Sorry you are hurting. It will get easier, promise.
Ugh, he sounds horrible by the way - a cheater? No. Thank God he is an ex!!!

I understand the hurt you feel that he has abandoned your child -but that shows the shallow nasty person that he is - Leopards don't change their spots and she will have a life of misery I promise you - but you have a beautiful gift your child. Probably a blessing he is not in your child's life with such low morals. Don't feel sad - feel glad he is your ex x

Of course you are hurting. That's normal. The love and care he denied you and your child, when you were being loyal and faithful, you have watched him parade with someone else. She "has" the future you thought you and your child had (at one time), and it scalds. But that's a temporary reaction.

Of course there's the happy social media post. She so proud she won the "pick me" dance. Well, good for her. She'll be dancing that dance her whole life, with him as a partner.

So, let it hurt. Cry if you need too. And once the shock has worn off your heartstrings, you can be happy that you aren't ever going to go through what she's just signed up for.

The only person that's won here is you

I left mine because he was an alcoholic.

A year or so later he was engaged (vulnerable younger woman) and he would goad me that they were trying for a baby (he knew I was desperate to be a mum) until they eventually did have a son.

They never got married. She saw the extent of his drinking issues and left him herself, with their young baby in the mix.

He died of alcohol when the kid was about six.

Didn’t stop me being even more mad at him every step of the way. I was mad with HER at first for not seeing the truth, but later I just felt immense sadness for her and their baby, as he ruined both their lives the way he ruined mine (and eventually ended his own...)

I have this to look forward to. Your head knows what a plank this person is and you'd rather be with 100000 other men. But there's this little part that remains which is incredibly upsetting.

When I found out my ex had indeed purchased a property with the OW (all lied about in court) 3 years after leaving i was LIVID for a week. Shaking livid and upset. My reaction shocked me.

Then time moves on and the strong feelings fade again.

Just try and remember the person he turned out to be and feel thankful he's gone, despite the hurt he caused. Feel a little bit sorry for the OW too...these men are always a ticking time bomb.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Her time will come. You're well rid OP.

I was devastated and my world crumbled when I found out I was being cheated on, then later, her wanting to be with him.

The children were also devastated. Him being twenty years older than me, ( He was very wealthy), didn’t do a lot for my self esteem.They had a couple of kids then he got himself a younger Thai bride. And she eventually remarried.

I know, sounds like a novel.

But for more me, three things got me through it.

1.) Loving my kids.

2.) Loving myself.

3.) Forgiving my ( ex ) wife and wishing for her happiness.

The third constituent didn’t come quickly or easily.

But I found the ‘ hate ‘ only anchored me to the past. It affected my relationship with my children, who now have families of their own. And it affected relationships.

And letting it go has made me a happier person.

I know, it’s tough, especially when someone has crushed your soul and poisoned your life, but, there is enough bad, hurt, vindictiveness and hate in the world without adding to it and wishing it on someone else.

When you break the chains, leave the anchor behind, you start to move forward to a happier and more fulfilling life.

Thanks for your responses. It is horrible to hear how many people have had difficult relationships. We have moved forward, I think I am just really shocked by how angry I am. @Twinsandtrifle, I completely agree. I know life is not fair but he treated us like s*. I feel so sorry for my child. I am sure that she won't have a particularly easy time with him. He is a pathological liar. It is the flaunting of it that really bites.

I keep off SM.