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Relationships

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Am I being unreasonable?

5 replies

Bubblesthefish91 · 17/05/2021 10:50

I've been with my fiance now for just over 5 years and we are expecting our first child in 6 weeks time.

My problem is this...
So I've always had a really good relationship with his family. His mum is like a second mum to me. We where always doing things together. Shopping, going for drinks etc etc...
Anyway about 2 years ago my boyfriends brother met his current girlfriend.
So the dynamic of course changed slightly.
Me, the new girlfriend and my fiances mum would always do things as a 3 which was fine.

Anyway last year my boyfriends brother & his girlfriend moved just around the corner from my mother in law & her partner & I started to feel really pushed out. They all live in the same area so they would often go to the pub all together & just not even mention it to me and my fiance.
Anyway last October I found out i was pregnant & now I just feel even more left out.
My mother in law & we'll just call her my sister in law are seemingly constantly together going round to each other houses at a weekend and having drinks together but just never telling me.
It got to the point where I said something to my sil about feeling left out. I'm a ten minute drive away from them in my car so just don't really understand.
Just feel like my sil has joined the family and took my place. When I said something it was made into a big drama & everyone was oh so upset at the fact I'd been feeling left out & kept saying how it wasn't intentional & it's just easy for them to meet up because they are so close. Anyway they said they would make an effort to invite me more but that's just not been the case at all.

It doesn't help that I'm pregnant at the moment and not able to drink. I think drinking is very much a social thing so when my fiances family have had the odd do at their house It just makes me feel even more pushed out when they're all drinking and I cant. They all used to tell me I was the life & soul of the party but I just feel like my sil is trying to take my place now & it's clearly working.

I get on with my sil but I can't help but feel resentful towards her & I just don't feel like she cares about my situation. Shes just posted an Instagram story of her and my mil drinking prosecco together & it's just really upsetting me & sometimes I wonder if she's doing it maliciously. Especially when I've already spoken to her about how I feel.

Do I have a right to be annoyed?

OP posts:
SpindleWhorl · 17/05/2021 11:01

Hi, OP. This has popped up in Feminist Chat. Is it the board you want it to be on? Just checking.

DawnMumsnet · 17/05/2021 16:47

We're moving this thread over to our Relationships topic for the OP.

Chamomileteaplease · 17/05/2021 17:17

Well if a lot of the relationship was based around drinking and you are soon to have a baby then things would have changed anyway.

I would give it up as a bad lot. Accept that for whatever reason these two women want to pal up together and leave you out.

Make other friends and treat your MIL as a normal MIL ie you just see her sometimes and enjoy her relationship with your child.

(And maybe keep your wits about you with regard to the sister in law, not trust her as far as you can throw her Smile.

Aprilwasverywet · 17/05/2021 17:28

Well when your squishy baby arrives you won't be suddenly expected to be there all the time. They can see the baby when it suits you.. If that isn't much then great!! The envy of all with overbearing mil's...
When favours need done she can ask sil can't she?

Sunflower1970 · 17/05/2021 19:50

I think you need to take a step back and let them get on with it. You will soon be involved in new parenthood and, as such will meet some new mummy friends. You can then (with no malice) put your pics up of your new life which doesn’t include those two! Let it go

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