Does he really just see me as a friend?

[Mallona]

Guys I really need your help. I have this shy guy friend. Nowadays we live far away due to studies. We text occationally and he has said that he misses me, that we should hang out more and once he sent a ❤. Those are very rare things coming from him. Last weekend I was in his town and spent most of the time with him.
First night we hung out at his place just talking. Then we had dinner out. At dinner he asked why it ended with my ex who he never seemed to like and after that he told me he had given up on finding a girlfriend and that he has never had romantic feelings for anyone. He also said he has trust issues and trusts nobody. When we talked about the time we got to know each other he said ”somehow you captured me.”
After this he brought me to meet his friends for drinks. Before saying goodbye he kinda tickled my waist and we shared a long hug.

We decided to meet the next evening as well and after hanging out at his place for hours I told him I have feelings for him. He got nervous and said "I dont know what to say" and then he said he enjoys my company, that I'm easy to talk to, that I'm beautiful and funny but that he "didn't feel more than that but had been thinking about it."

Later he walked me to the bus and I said he didnt have to wait with me. He replied ”I’m happy to.” On my way to the hotel he texted me it was really nice seeing me. The next day he texted me to ask of my flight home went ok. It’s not really like him to text like that.

Now I found out from his best friend he has been talking to him about me and our talk. He also took a screenshot of a selfie I had posted. What does he feel for me?

He has told you he trusts nobody and that he’s never had romantic feelings for anyone. He has also told you while he enjoys your company he doesn’t feel more than that. You need to listen to what he’s telling you and not over analysis everything else or you will get hurt.

Well done for being honest with him about your feelings, but I wouldn’t get your hopes up or accept crumbs from him - find someone who feels the same way about you as you do them.

Op I think HULLISH Said it all. You can't waste your time on someone who is avoident.

Just friendship he if really fancied you he would make it known however shy. I'd say he probably did cross the line by tickling and giving you a long hug giving you confusion but Texting to see if you got home ok is nothing to read into that is normal especially as you got a flight home, I do think it's brave of you to tell him of your feelings but it's not mutual as he had the opportunity to tell you in which he said he didn't have feelings for you. In my honest opinion male/female friendships often cause a lot of confusion and here is an example of that.

What does he feel for me?

Sorry to be so blunt but you really are wasting your time here. He's told you flat out what he feels for you.

He enjoys your company. He finds you easy to talk to. But nothing more than that. He told you that in those exact words - along with outright telling you he never has romantic feelings for anyone and trusts nobody. I'm not sure which bit of that you didn't understand.

I can see you trying to make something more of it by describing him as 'shy' and reading into texts and behaviour that "isn't normally like him", implying that there must be more to it, but honestly I think that's just you imagining your own slant on this to give yourself hope.

You've very bravely told him how you feel, if he wanted to be with you, you would know about it - not wasting time overthinking every little sentence he uttered, every text he sent, and for gods sake stop his best friend from gossiping with you about their conversations.

I've met this type before.'The nice guy' too nice to play games, too nice lead you on, & too nice to be keeping you at arms length because he likes the attention. He may well be nice but he also likes all of the above. He's a headfuck that's what he is. I mean the 'somehow you captured me' comment, come on op 🙄 this comment alone combined with all of the confusion he's caused you proves that he is sending confusing signals & he is toying with you & your feelings. Listen to what he's said, he just sees you as a friend. Bin him off as you've already wasted too much time trying to work out what's going off & I doubt that you could just be that good old chestnut of 'just friends' as you sound to deeply invested & he has played you well & Will most likely continue to do so.

Men rarely let the woman they like get away without making it known,

Opinion from a bloke’s perspective: with any normal guy, without the trust and romance comments, there might be a possibility he liked you but was shy. However and it’s a BIG HOWEVER him not trusting anyone or feeling romantic feelings is a big red flag he’s emotionally avoidant, as others say. He may not even know what he wants - but that’s besides the point. Ignore Hollywood movies, you can’t fix people like this, they can only fix themselves. Give it up and if he one day comes back after having a ton of therapy, saying “thank god I’m not like that anymore” maybe reconsider. But I wouldn’t hold your breath.

@TossaCoinToYerWitcher - absolutely nailed it.

Yes he sees you as a freind. The last weapon in your arsenal is ending the friendship (and truly meaning it). There is a small chance that after a period of no contact he realizes he has feelings for you and misses you. Give him this space. If losing you doesn’t mobilize him then there is no hope. Better move on and put this behind you.

One thing I've learnt about men is this...listen to what they tell you! If he says he sees you as a friend that's how he sees you. It's easy to try and read into things when you like someone but he hasn't indicated he feels the same about you.

None starter op, stop making excuses and listen to what he's actually telling you.

You were completely honest with him about your feelings and he didn’t act in it. Not worth messing about with him. He’ll waste your time and energy. His loss. Move on.

Friend zone

He's avoidant.

He's immature.

He's manipulative, perhaps unintentionally.

He's self-absorbed. 'Somehow you captured me!' hahahaha I can see the memes now, he clearly sees himself at the centre of something terribly dramatic. But it is quite a strong statement to make and a total headfuck alongside announcing that he doesn't feel that way about you. Call me old-fashioned but he's behaving in a very cavalier way with your emotions and it hasn't occurred to him you might have any.

He likes you a bit (probably) but wants you to do all the running and enter into something undefined and problematic from day one despite him continuing to be narcissistic, difficult, vague and self-absorbed.

He must be very good looking to be worth even this level of investment.

Personally I would back off completely and if he suddenly decides to grow up, become capable of the qualities necessary for relationship and consider someone else's feelings (he's really very rude at the moment), he will magically re-emerge playing a different tune. (That would make me suspicious as well actually, but I can see you would want to give it a whirl).

Stop agitating and agonising. Accept what he's said at face value and he will be left feeling rather anti-climatic and wondering what happened to his audience for his soap-opera for one.

Sadly he may well be aware of his own limitations and quite right in his estimations. Based on his behaviour up to this point, he doesn't sound suited to to a relationship.

I've got one of these. They are so difficult to understand because they say things that you end up clinging on to for dear life, and then take it away from you in the next breath. Everyone is spot on here, they are avoidants, and being in love with one is fucking lonely.
I need to stop chasing mine. Please dont be like me!

I got involved with one of those. Don't do it! Complete head fuck even now nearly 4 months after it's ended

What does he feel for me?

that he "didn't feel more than that but had been thinking about it.

He told you how he feels. The rest is bs OP. Either stay friends with him or move on. He probably knows you like him and enjoys the attention, that's all.

@namechangingforthis19586

He's avoidant.

He's immature.

He's manipulative, perhaps unintentionally.

He's self-absorbed. 'Somehow you captured me!' hahahaha I can see the memes now, he clearly sees himself at the centre of something terribly dramatic. But it is quite a strong statement to make and a total headfuck alongside announcing that he doesn't feel that way about you. Call me old-fashioned but he's behaving in a very cavalier way with your emotions and it hasn't occurred to him you might have any.

He likes you a bit (probably) but wants you to do all the running and enter into something undefined and problematic from day one despite him continuing to be narcissistic, difficult, vague and self-absorbed.

He must be very good looking to be worth even this level of investment.

Personally I would back off completely and if he suddenly decides to grow up, become capable of the qualities necessary for relationship and consider someone else's feelings (he's really very rude at the moment), he will magically re-emerge playing a different tune. (That would make me suspicious as well actually, but I can see you would want to give it a whirl).

Stop agitating and agonising. Accept what he's said at face value and he will be left feeling rather anti-climatic and wondering what happened to his audience for his soap-opera for one.

Sadly he may well be aware of his own limitations and quite right in his estimations. Based on his behaviour up to this point, he doesn't sound suited to to a relationship.

I think this is spot on, particularly about the possibly unintentional level of manipulation and the personal soap opera stuff. It all sounds terrible teenage, and if I magically time-travelled back to my own student days when I last encountered this kind of thing, I would crisply say 'Well, now that you mention it, that level of confused, melodramatic self-absorption is deeply unattractive, so I'm glad you drew that to my attention. Good luck with the whole 'trust issues' thing!' and skip off to find better company.

You'd be doing him, yourself and the world a favour by making it clear that his self-image isn't attractively moody and intense like a Verve b-side, but the psychological equivalent of someone examining their spots obsessively.

Everyone is so spot on with these replies.
Don't be foolish and think there is any hope for a fulfilling relationship.
He's got you doing all the running around.

mindthebeleek

Loved your last paragraph!

I know how easy it can be to start over-analysing things like him waiting with you for the bus (especially since in his mind he had just pretty much rejected you and was maybe trying to indicate no weirdness or hard feelings)

You told him how you feel and unfortunately didn’t get the response you were hoping for. Time to move on. He knows how you feel, it’s up to him to get back to you if he ever changes his mind, but don’t wait around for him as an avoidant person like this is unlikely to suddenly declare he feels the same.

He is immature because you are both still at school. As per your other threads about the same topic.

He told you very clearly. If you're looking for interpretations and hidden meanings there are unlikely to be any. He doesn't sound like someone who would be a good partner anyway tbh.

@TheresAnEyeInMeSoup

He is immature because you are both still at school. As per your other threads about the same topic.

Oh, these are kids? That makes sense. Op, don't obsess about it. He doesn't sound that interested. Just enjoy being friends

Yep, there is 2 other threads. One of them mentions two boys "sam" and "alex" and op says they are all class mates. They are all very young. Probably 16.

Maybe he prefers girls as friends only? He's been honest about not fancying anyone, you were hoping you'd be a special case, unfortunately he sees you the same. Don't look for romance with him, don't let the friendship hold you back from romance with someone else.